The One who got Away

“How can

I help you, Tiffany?” He said looking at me concerned. “Are you okay?”

“Oh, yeah,” I replied. “Just not feeling too hot. Would you mind if I left a little early? I just had my doctor call, and he needs me to come in and give another blood sample. I am not sure how long it will take, but if I can make it back in time before the day’s over, I will.”

“Sure,” he said, smiling. “Should we be worried about anything?”

“No,” I scoffed. “It’s just some routine stuff.”

“Okay, good,” he replied.

I walked out of his office and back to mine, my eyes still fixated off in the distance as if I could see everything changing in front of me. I pulled on my jacket and grabbed my purse, walking out and to the elevators before Jason even realized I was gone. I wanted to make one hundred percent sure the doctor was right before dropping that kind of information on him like that. I stared up at the numbers on the elevator as they dinged by until I had reached the lobby. I walked out of the building and grabbed a cab, giving them the address after sitting down and closing the door. My mind was racing, and I couldn’t even get my thoughts together before we reached the doctor’s office. I was walking around like I was some sort of zombie. What if I was pregnant? What would Jason do? What would he say?

I paid the cab driver and walked into the building, unbuttoning my jacket as I approached the front desk. I told them who I was, and they took me straight back to an exam room. The nurse came in and took my vitals, and then the doctor came in to talk to me. I had so many questions, but I didn’t even know where to start. He smiled at me, flopping my file on the desk and leaning back against the sink.

“So, does all of this mean I’m actually pregnant?”

“As far as it looks right now,” the doctor replied. “Yes, you are pregnant. We are going to take another blood sample and double check that the HCG levels are going up, and then, I can officially stamp it that you are indeed pregnant. You scared that sperm so bad that they made a baby before I could even recommend a treatment for you.”

“Ha,” I laughed. “This is crazy.”

I sat silently as the doctor took down some notes. He stood up and walked over to me, grasping my shoulder. I was quiet, and my face must have shown how stunned I was at the news. The doctor was smiling, though.

“Relax, and take a deep breath,” he said. “Remember, this is what you wanted. Congratulations. I’m going to send in the nurse to take that blood sample. We should have the results back in a day or two. As soon as we have confirmation, we’ll get you over to your regular doctor and start preparing you for this amazing journey.”

I nodded my head, words unable to make it out of my mouth. I sat there with my feet dangling from that same chair I had wanted to get out of so quickly just a couple days before. I looked up at the pictures on the walls, and they had a completely different feel to them. I could picture my face on the woman’s, Jason’s face on the man’s, and a beautiful little baby looking back at us. Immediately, fear followed, flooding my chest with dread. I was going to have to tell Jason we were going to have a baby. We had just started dating and hadn’t even told each other how we really felt about each other. Now, I was going to be telling him I was pregnant before I even told him I loved him. I knew this was what I wanted at the beginning, but my life had changed. I wasn’t in the circumstances I’d planned for a pregnancy. It just wasn’t time yet. This was so unexpected, and my mind was whirling around me. I ran my hands over my face and took in a deep breath, trying to get control of my emotions.

I looked up as the nurse walked in, carrying a syringe and a couple of tubes to put my blood in. I rolled up my sleeve and stuck out my arm, staring blankly at the picture on the wall as she tied the rubber band around my arm. I flexed my fist, trying to make enough pressure for her to get a good sample. She released the band after pushing the needle into my arm. Usually, I winced, but it was like my mind wouldn’t even let me react to the needle she stuck in my arm. I looked down as she filled the vials with blood and then removed the needle, putting a bandage in its place. She walked over and wrote down some things on my chart and stuck stickers to the vials. She turned back toward me, but I was too lost in my thoughts to even notice until I felt her warm hand against my skin.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” I said, shaking myself back into reality. “I’m okay.”

“These tests shouldn’t take too long,” she explained. “If you need anything between now and then, just give us a call. If it is after hours call your physician, and as always, if it is an emergency, just head into the hospital.”

“Okay.” I shook my head and smiled.

I pulled my sleeve back down and hopped off the examination table. I pulled my coat around me and walked out into the hallway, moving to the side as a very pregnant woman passed me. I looked down at my own stomach, quickly pulling my jacket closed and heading out to the street. I took in a deep breath of the cold air and looked down the street to where there was a small café. I walked over, knowing there was no way I could go back to work, and ordered a hot chocolate. I took the cup to a back booth and slid in, pulling my coat collar up to block the breeze from the opening and closing door. I held the hot chocolate in my hands and let the warmth move over me. I couldn’t even start to believe that I was going to be a mother.

I sat in the café for a couple of hours, ordering a second hot chocolate, more for the warmth than the actual drink. I watched as people walked in and out of the café, most in scrubs belonging to the hospital adjacent to the coffee shop. I thought about everything from the news in front of me to my future as a mother. I wondered what Jason was going to say about everything, thinking it funny that he was the one who had set me up for the appointment in the first place. I was relieved to know I could have children, but I never thought I would find out this way. I ran my hand down over my belly and closed my eyes, searching for any answer as to why life had worked out this way. Immediately Jason’s face popped up in my thoughts. I needed to at least call him.

I pulled out my phone and read the missed messages from him. I had bolted from the office without even a word, and I felt guilty for not saying something to him before I left. He seemed to be nervous and worried about me. I dialed his number, my hands shaking, and put the phone to my ear, waiting for him to answer.

“Hey,” I said when he answered.

“Hey, I’ve been worried sick about you,” he said. “My father said you had some kind of doctor’s appointment to get to.”

“Yeah,” I sighed. “It’s a long story, but we have to talk.”

“Okay,” he said. “I’m leaving here in the next twenty minutes. You want to meet me at my place?”

“Sounds perfect,” I said, softening my tone so that he wouldn’t worry too much.

We hung up, and I stayed sitting in the booth for just a few more minutes, thinking about how I was going to break the news to Jason. Something inside me told me not to be worried about telling him this, but I couldn’t help my nervousness. At the very least, this could end my relationship with Jason, and as I stood and walked toward the door of the café, I braced myself. This news was about to change Jason’s life forever.

Chapter 23

Jason