The One who got Away

“Where were you today?” She pops her gum and doesn’t even take her eyes of the TV as she asks me that. I can hardly blame her. She’s probably as sick of hearing my work dramas just as much as I am of experiencing them. “The office with the mouth breather again? The one who always calls you Jeans even though your surname is Jones?”

“No, a factory today making train parts. It was horrible. Not only was it dirty, smelling, and incredibly boring, I had a guy next to me who’s been working there for years telling me that I was doing everything wrong. It was unbearable.” My eyes fall closed as the exhaustion washes over me. “I only started doing this temping hoping that one of the jobs would turn out to be a permanent position but that hasn’t worked out. Maybe it’s time to give it all up and start from the beginning again.”

I never told Jenny this, or any of the friends I’d made since moving to the city, but when I left my small town in search for a bigger and better life almost five years ago, I had this notion in my heart. I always held onto this dream that a better, more exciting life was waiting for me around the corner and that soon I would be swept off my feet and the old boring life I’d had before would be a distant memory...

Maybe I still feel that way. That doesn’t mean it’s going to happen though.

I applied for an apartment online and connected with Jenny which was a godsend, then I moved to the city with big wide eyes and a wild, dreamy nature. I couldn’t wait for my real life to begin... yet here I am, still waiting for my real life to begin. How pathetic is that? I’m twenty three years old now. It’s time to stop with the daydreams.

“Wait?” Jenny sits up straighter and she turns to look at me. “Do you mean start again as in get rid of the crappy temp agency, or give up and go back home?”

The last thing I want is to return back to that boring ass small town with my tail between my legs, but I might have to. I’m running out of money and I’m also running out of patience. It isn’t working, not really. I might need to just give up.

“I don’t know,” I admit with a shrug. “My head is all over the place. I don’t know what I want to do anymore.”

Where’s my exciting life? Where’s my Prince Charming? Where’s my adventure?

I don’t know what the interesting thing that’s waiting round the corner for me is, but I want it to come now. I’m desperate, I’m about ready to crawl out of my skin just to start again.

“You can’t leave me.” Jenny shakes her head so violently that her long blonde hair falls around her face making her look a bit comical. “You cannot, I won’t let you.” She grabs onto my arms and stares deeply into my eyes with nothing but sheer desperation. “They’re always looking for new girls at the club. Why don’t you do that?”

“At the club?” I screw up my nose in disgust. “I don’t know, I don’t think I’m the sort to work at a place like that.”

“We aren’t strippers,” Jenny exclaims, almost as if she’s shocked by my accusation which came out all wrong. I know they aren’t, I didn’t mean it like that. “We’re shot girls. We just walk around the rich men and hand out shots.”

“Yeah, in short skirts and low cut tops. You’re always complaining about the rich men getting handsy with you.”

“I’m never complaining about the tips though.” She pulls a wad of cash out her pocket that makes my mouth water. “I always get good pay from the job. Why don’t you just come and do it for a while, get yourself financially stable then look for another job?”

The thing about Jenny is she’s never short of money. She always pays the rent and bills on time, and she can afford nice clothes and meals too. She’s even been on vacation a couple of times in the last year which made me very jealous. She works far less hours than me too and is never as stressed. It’s like the ideal job, but I don’t know if I’m cut out for it.

“You’re really sexy though,” I pout. “You have big boobs and a nice bum, amazing hair and fab curves. Plus those legs that seem to go on forever more. I don’t have any of that.”

“You do,” Jenny insists. “You’re a raven-haired beauty with amazing pouty lips. And those green eyes of yours are phenomenal. You have a good body too, you just hold yourself awkwardly as if you’re always trying to cover up.” I don’t argue that point because it’s the truth of it. I do feel uncomfortable in my own body, I just feel like I’m never quite enough. “I think you should just give it a try, just for one night, see how you feel.”

I sigh and nod slowly. “Yeah, maybe I should.” I don’t like it much but I know I need to try unless I want to give up and go home. The thought of returning to my parent’s farm with all my old-school friends gone fills me with an intense sense of horror. “When shall I come in?”

“I can call my boss, get you in for a shift tomorrow tonight? I know you’ll need a sleep so I won’t say tonight, but I have to head out there anyway so I can pick you up a uniform if they say yes. What do you think? Do you want to? Please say yes.”

“Urgh, you know what, yes.” I stand up ready to fall into bed. I hope that after a couple of hours napping I’ll be ready. “I have to do something different to prevent me go insane.”

“Great. I’ll get it sorted.” Jenny looks far too pleased, she’s making me anxious that I’m not going to like it much after all. Maybe I’ll make a fool out of myself and hate it, but at least then I’ll know. I can still keep my position open at the temping agency until I know for sure anyway. “Ooh, this is going to be so much fun!”

I don’t answer her, I just give a weak smile and stumble into my bedroom. My white, empty room that doesn’t have anything in it because I just can’t afford anything. I need to do something with my life, I can’t keep on down this track. Maybe being a shot girl isn’t something exciting and drastic happening to me, but maybe it’ll just get me on the right track for a moment. All I need is enough money to keep me going, until I decide what to do next...

***

I bolt upright in my bed thinking I’ve only been asleep for a short while, maybe ten to fifteen minutes. I didn’t mean to collapse so quickly, I didn’t even change my clothes, I suppose I better do it before I really get into a deep slumber...

Huh? What?

A uniform hangs on my bedroom door, one that must have come from Jenny. But she didn’t intend to bring me one until morning... oh. The sunlight is streaming through my window, and not just the morning sun either. As my eyes glance down at the clock I can see that I’ve slept for so long it’s almost late afternoon. I can hardly believe it, I never sleep like that! What on Earth is wrong with me?

I rub my eyes and push my weary legs into a standing position before I make my way over to the dreaded uniform. The metallic silver skirt will barely cover my butt and the crop top that somehow manages to be low cut as well has the word CeeLow on the back which is the name of the bar. I already know it’s going to leave me much too exposed. I’ll be vulnerable, probably very cold, and just there to be grabbed. In the cold light of day, I don’t think it’s such a good idea after all. I run my fingers along the edge of the material and jump backwards as something falls off it and flutters to the ground.

It’s a note, from Jenny.

‘Don’t let the uniform put you off, just give it a try. Think of the money. Be ready by six. Jenny xx’