Broken

With that, my mind wandered through dirty thoughts of the woman and how nice it would feel to be inside of her.

I thought about her moaning my name and her caress, the way her breasts would feel in my hand and the pure erotic allure of getting off, as well as getting someone else off. I hadn’t been with a woman in such a long time. So, although, I did feel like a dick for not stopping these thoughts, I didn’t blame myself or condemn myself for it. I was a man after all and this is the first woman I had spent any time with in years.

Not to mention, the woman who was currently inhabiting my bed was pretty damn gorgeous.

Her golden hair flowed out all around her as she slept in gentle, slumber, her petite hands curled under her small chin, while her ripped shirt revealed the cleavage to her obviously endowed breasts.

Though she was small, both in size and stature, her womanly attributes were alluring without being overbearing. She was proportionate, with slight exaggeration in every place that mattered.

In addition to the act of sex, I also found myself wondering what she was like normally. I thought about her personality and wondered if she would be someone I would like to date, and a person who would like to date me.

However, this was what bothered me. More than the act of sex, it was the passion behind the romance that bothered me.

The fact that I was even thinking about that was both intriguing and hurtful.

Any man, or woman, for that matter, could think about having a good fuck with a person they are attracted to but to take it past the physical pleasure, into the realm of any deeper meaning, was something I wasn’t sure I could do. More than that, though, it wasn’t something I was sure I wanted to do.

I felt as though I was committing an unforgivable act of betrayal, but I wasn’t quite sure why I felt that way, or to whom I was committing the act of betrayal.

If she deserved it, I wouldn’t be here, I thought with ire, trying to ward of the memories that were still fresh, running deep and stinging often. But if she doesn’t, then don’t I deserve another chance?

Still, for my own sanity, it didn’t take me long to decide that I shouldn’t be contemplating the idea of wanting to be the reason behind her moans.

“Fuck…” I muttered, shaking my head as more vivid imagery clouded my memory. As the seduction of my thoughts grew into something more tempting,

I tried to pull myself away from what I knew would be a pit of desire filled with quicksand.

The woman might be different but the risk of enduring another failure, to the extent of the last, which I barely survived made me feel stupid for even the natural reactions I was feeling.

I shouldn’t be feeling anything for this woman, or for any woman ever again.

I had cast myself away from people or a reason. There was no point in even opening myself up, even for a moment of normalcy, because I was sure that would only lead to a dead-end, filled with despair.

Eventually, Jake’s bark shifted me from my thoughts.

While I was thankful for the destruction, I wondered if the reason for the dog’s alerting outburst was due to an intruder.

This time, I grabbed my gun and I took Jake out with me, while the woman continued to sleep soundly; obviously unbothered by Jake’s bark.

The evening was cold but clear. Since the light of the fire had nearly doused completely inside, in addition to the light shining off the moon, it wasn’t hard to see the perimeter of the small clearing.

I wanted to ensure that asshole hadn’t come back to catch us unaware.

While I didn’t think that was likely, I wasn’t going to be taking any chances, at least so long as the woman was under my care. I might not want anything from her and her presence might be more aggravating and painful than being alone, but I’d be damned if I was going to let anything happen to her.

Jake sniffed around the perimeter quietly, checking carefully for any sign of anything being out of place but came up empty. I listened carefully, trying to figure out if anything out of the ordinary was going on but I didn’t hear anything.

When Jake was finished with his rounds, I could tell he was slightly confused as well, but he had also come up empty.

I took one last look around, peering with intimidation, gun at the ready, but found nothing.

The night was still. Not even the branches of the trees, or the leaves moved without provocation.

Everything seemed to be normal.

I had lived here a long time, so I was familiar with what my little patch of land was supposed to look like at every second of the day. For this time, there seemed to be nothing out of the ordinary going on.

While I was relieved, I couldn’t help but think that something was going on, which presently alluded us, but between the dog and myself, I didn’t think that was likely.