Broken

I was so angry I couldn’t even get my thoughts to cohesively align. I paced back and forth, trying to get control over myself, trying not to completely explode on Casey. I should have been able to sit here and at least try to understand her side but I was just too pissed off to do so. My whole life, I had been able to take whatever was thrown my way but for the first time, I felt like I had no control of the words that were coming out of my mouth. I took a deep breath and clenched my teeth, staring at Casey’s trembling mouth.

“Who knows,” I said eerily calm in tone. “Maybe you really are a gold digger. This kid is probably not even mine and you’re trying to push some other man’s kid on me. You were ashamed of some slum you slept with from Brooklyn and you couldn’t handle the truth, so you magically made him my child.”

“Don’t say that,” Casey said quietly, tears streaming down her face. “You don’t believe that.”

“Don’t I? I mean, do I really know who you are? You seem sweet, honest, and intelligent, but maybe you are just the same as all the others.” I spat the words, unable to stop. “Just looking for a way out of Brooklyn, out of the walk-up, and into the cit

y. How am I supposed to know?”

I could see just how much my words hurt Casey. It was wrong of me to lash out like this. It was wrong of me to even say these things out loud, especially when I didn’t actually believe them. Casey was sweet, kind, and an amazing mother to Seth. She had never shown me any different, not even for a split second. But standing here, facing the truth that I had four-year-old little boy and understanding that I was kept in the dark because she feared things I would never do, made my blood boil. I felt like the kid walking around with toilet paper on his shoe with everyone whispering behind his back but no one stepping forward to tell him the truth.

I shook my head. I turned my head away from Casey’s face, knowing that her tears were going to make me feel guilty and I didn’t think I deserved to feel guilty right now. Call me selfish, but I deserved better than what was just handed to me. At that moment, I didn’t want to stop myself, I wanted to say hurtful things and I didn’t care what the repercussions were.

“You know what,” I said quietly with a dark chuckle. “I don’t even believe I took your virginity. A girl like you would have been looking for a man long before me. There’s no way you hadn’t given it up yet, especially with how easy it was for me to get in your pants.

Chapter 14: Casey

I took a deep breath, trying to understand how much pain Dex was in. He had been deceived and though it was not out of malice or ill intentions, I kept a very big secret from him. I had to believe that the words he spoke were not the words he believed to be true. I had to keep my emotions settled and at bay but he was making it very difficult. When he decided to attack my character, my truth, and my person I felt my own anger rear its head. I took in a deep breath and clenched my jaw, knowing what was coming next.

“You know what,” Dex said quietly with a dark chuckle. “I don’t even believe I took your virginity. A girl like you would have been looking for a man long before me. There’s no way you hadn’t given it up yet, especially with how easy it was for me to get in your pants.”

That was it, that was the one thing I knew I could not handle. My eyes widened at his words and without thought, I reached up and slapped him across the face. Tears streamed down my cheeks and I felt as if I couldn’t even breathe.

“How dare you,” I whispered. “How dare you question something so sacred and important. Go to hell, Dex.”

With those words, I ran up both sets of stairs and through my front door, slamming and locking it behind me. My whole body was shaking and as soon as the door was there to separate me from Dex, I completely lost it. I didn’t care that Brandon and Natalie were sitting in the living room behind me. I didn’t care that the father of my child was standing on the street below the apartment. I let it all go right there. All the emotions I’d felt over the past five years came crashing down around me. Natalie rushed over and grabbed me by the arm, leading me to the couch. My hands were shaking and I was sobbing uncontrollably. Finally letting myself feel everything was overwhelming. I couldn’t breathe or think. My head was spinning and my heart ached in a way it never had before. All I could hear were Dex’s harsh words echoing in my mind.

Natalie smiled kindly as she poured a glass of wine and handed it to me. They waited patiently while I collected myself and caught my breath. I could barely see anything through the tears and I brought the wine to my lips, letting out a deep breath as it soothed my throat. I knew I would have to tell the whole story from the beginning since Brandon knew nothing but I didn’t mind, it would be the first time I had ever spoken about it and I needed to get it out. One thing I could feel comfortable in was knowing that Natalie knew who I was. She knew my character, my actions, my love, and my heart. She would never think, even for a split second, that anything that Dex said was true. Still, telling the whole story was a bit nerve wrecking since I had never even told Natalie. She never asked. She let me have my reasoning, understanding that whatever reason it was, was probably a good one.

“Brandon, I know this is all very confusing for you.” I whimpered. “So, I’ll start from the beginning. Five years ago, I met Dex. It was Christmas Eve and the liquor was flowing, the jokes were hilarious, and we really found a connection. When Natalie left, we had sex. It was the first time for me and I didn’t give it a second thought. The next day, Dex left for his trip and within two months, I found out I was pregnant. Dex is Seth’s father.”

I let the shock move over Brandon’s face as Natalie took his hand. I knew he would have questions but I wanted to get through the whole story so he understood better. Part of me was ashamed for hiding Seth from Dex but the other part of me still stood firmly behind my decision to protect my son.

“I never told Dex because he wasn’t really the settling down type,” I explained. “When I met him, he was deep into the company: building it, growing it, and carrying on Natalie’s father’s work. He was a playboy, not because he was a jerk but because he was settled into his own life. When he came back for the wedding, I saw immediately that he was still in that place.”

I put my hands in my lap and clasped them together to stop the shaking. I didn’t want to sit here and bash Dex but he did what he did and said what he said. If I was going to tell the story I needed to tell all of it and not just what I thought they would want to hear. I knew I played a part in this and would continue to do so for the rest of my life, but what Dex said was unnecessary and hurtful.

“I thought for a second, a split second when he took me and Seth to the pumpkin farm, that maybe his ideas about the future were changing. He was so good with Seth and he really acted like he wanted more but by the end of the day, he was gone. He didn’t call, text, or anything,” I said. “Today when he showed up, it was the first time I saw him since that day. Seth has been asking about him for weeks and I didn’t know what to tell him. Downstairs he asked me who Seth’s father was, so I told him.”

“I’m sorry,” Brandon said. “I didn’t know any of that happened. I wouldn’t have just welcomed him into your home like that.”

“No, Brandon,” I said in a kind voice. “It’s not your fault. You had no idea.”

“So, I’m assuming it didn’t go well,” Natalie said with pain behind her eyes.

“No,” I said, tearing up again. “He said I was a gold digger. He said I was lying about being a virgin, that I was just trying to pin Seth on him because I slept with some dirt bag. I understand why he was angry but he went way too far. I just don’t understand how he could say things like that to me.”

“Oh, God,” Natalie gasped as she threw her arms around me. “I’m so sorry he acted that way. That is not how we were raised. I can go kick his ass for you.”

“Yeah,” Brandon replied. “I mean no offense honey, I know I’m new to the family and all, but your brother could use a swift kick in the ass.”

I chuckled through my tears, just glad that I had a support system. The truth was, I just wanted to be alone and work through this in my head. I squeezed Natalie tight and pulled away, still holding her hands.

“I love you guys,” I said through tear covered laughter. “But really, I just want to rest. I’m tired and I think a good night’s sleep would be the best thing for me at this point.”

“Okay,” Natalie said, hugging me tightly. “If you need anything just text or call. Anytime, I’m serious.”

“I will.” I sniffled. “But really, don’t worry about me. This too will pass. It’s not like I’m not used to Dex breaking my heart at this point.”