Broken

“Mom? Why aren’t you saying anything?” I warn. “Don’t you think we should go to the cops or something?”

She grabs onto my arm and gives me a truly panicked look. As she does I realize it’s the most emotion I’ve ever seen in her face in my entire life. Even through all the Botox I can see that she’s terrified. “You cannot do that. You can’t go to the police. You go to the cops and you wreck everything.”

“Everything?” I push her off me and step backwards. “So, you’re okay with this? You don’t mind your husband, my father, killing someone just so you can keep everything? Are you insane?”

She opens her mouth but no words come out. She knows as well as I do that there is no excusing what she’s done. I open my eyes wider at her, showing her my shock. Now she’s standing across from me and she’s a whole new woman. Someone that I really don’t like or need to be around. I guess I don’t know her either.

“Well that’s fine, you don’t want me to go to the cops about Dad because it might take your house and your wardrobe away from you, that’s fine, but I strongly suggest that you do something to stop him from killing. People like him don’t get away with it forever. His lifestyle will catch up with him eventually. And I’m not going to be around to see it.” Determination floods me, I know now more than ever that I need to get away. “By this time next week I’ll be gone, and I don’t want any blood money to do it with.”

Mom sneers at me. “And how do you think you’ll cope without it? You think you’re so much better than me but you’ve been living off that money you’re whole life. You’ve benefitted so much and I really don’t think you’ll last.” She screws up her nose in disgust at me. “Look at you, you’re so lazy you haven’t even bothered to get a job yet. How will you cope when you have to? When you need the cash to pay bill?”

“I’ll get a job,” I insist. Tears fill my eyes but I don’t let them fall. I will not allow this woman to see me cry no matter what. “Even if it’s waitressing. People do it all the time. I can do it too.”

Mom laughs loudly as if the idea of me succeeding is ridiculous, which make my blood boil and my body burn. “You can’t do anything, Tia. The sooner you learn that the better. Maybe you’ll go and you’ll try but you’ll soon be back, begging for Daddy to pay everything again.”

“Get out,” I spit angrily. “Get out, Mom. I don’t want you here, I don’t want to speak to you again.”

“Yeah, sure.” She rolls her eyes and flicks her hair back. “Whatever, Tia. Honestly I can’t be bothered with you anymore. I came in here to try and look after you but clearly that’s not what you want, so whatever.”

As she leaves I feel a tear rolling down my cheek. I don’t even bother to brush it away I just leave it there, reminding me that everything is falling apart. If I thought things were bad when college ended then I had no idea what was coming for me. Everything is a billion times worse now. My shitty family has fallen further apart, my friends are even more distant, Stephen is still nowhere to be seen…

I think it’s time to accept that my dreams are never coming true. Maybe it’s time to start thinking about my life in a much more realistic way.

Chapter Ten - Stephen

Right, police today, interview tomorrow.

Those words keep circling my brain as I move forwards. Police today, interview tomorrow. Put the past me right now and start on my future tomorrow. It’s not a bad plan, but something about it keeps twisting around in my gut. It’s almost as if I’m scared of it, but I don’t know why. Sure, I can still feel the prickles on the back of my neck as I move, but I’ve come to the conclusion now that it’s all just my paranoia. I’m sure once I’ve unloaded this weight, all will be done. I can go back to normal and reclaim my life.

As my feet continue to go I try to plan what I’m going to say. I need to make it very clear to the cops that I’m not crazy so that they take me serious. I also need to find a way to ensure that my identity remains a secret, that part is vital. I’m sure the cops have some sort of policy where I can tell them things in secret. Right?

“Stephen?” I hear a female voice call out from behind me, and for some reason my instincts tell me that it’s Tia. Even though I’ve tried to push her to the back of my brain as just another one night stand I can’t. She keeps coming back, no matter what I do. My heart lifts in my chest, excitement courses through me. If Tia has found a way back into my life then that will be a sign that everything is going to be okay. “Is that you?”

But as I spin I realize that I’m wrong. It isn’t Tia at all, it’s the red head from the dive bar. I can’t remember her name, I don’t even think I know it. All I can remember, and the memory is admittedly very vague, is a quick shag in the stock room.

“Oh right.” I shake my head to try and rid it of disappointment. “Hey.”

“What’s going on?” she purrs, moving closer to me. “I haven’t seen you for a while. How was your trip?” I shrug, not trusting myself to speak. “I thought you were going to come and see me again afterwards.”

“Oh right, I… I’ve just been very busy.” I’m stammering, I can barely string a sentence together. The only thing I can really concentrate on is getting to the police station and sticking to my original plan. “Sorry about that. Maybe at the weekend…”

“Why don’t you come now?” She hooks her arm into mine and tugs me towards her. “I’m about to go and open up. We can have a good hour to ourselves if you like.”

The old me would have jumped at the chance, but that me died on the ferry along with the man who got shot and thrown off the edge. “Oh I can’t, I have to be somewhere I need to.”

“Where, baby?” she asks, leaning in close so her breath tickles my cheek. “Where you got to be that’s so important?”

I don’t answer her because there’s no way in hell I want to get into the story with someone I barely know. Instead I shake my head and keep my lips squeezed tightly together.

“Why don’t you come with me then?” She tugs on me harder, which suggests to me that she’s never going to let me go. “We don’t even have to do anything. We can just have a drink.”

“I don’t want a drink at this time of the morning…” My words trail off as I realize that actually I do want a drink. Just to steady my nerves. It isn’t the best idea in the world, but it feels good to think about. I even lick my lips in desperation.

“Come on.” The red head senses my weakness and she yanks me until I can’t help but follow her. I’m not really thinking much, I’m just going with the flow because I know it won’t really ruin my plan. Police today, interview tomorrow. That still stands. I’m just having a little moment first, some time to myself.

“So, we’ve had a few bands in sin

ce you place,” the red head talks non-stop as we move. “But none as good as you. We’ve really missed you a lot, you know. Or at least I have.”