Broken

“Oh God, Tia,” he replies with a cracked, emotional voice. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear that.” Relief floods me as I realize this must mean that he feels the same way about me. The tight knot in my stomach uncoils and I feel my pulse rate return to normal. Well, almost normal, this is still a huge, life changing moment after all. “I love you too. I’ve loved you for a very long time. You’re just… you’re everything to me.”

I press my lips against his, not too hard because I know that he’s still very fragile. I let the love flow from my lips to his, solidifying the union that we now share. I feel even more secure in what we have now. I feel like we actually will make this last forever. Maybe the way we met is a little crazy, but now none of that matters. Now we’re just us.

“Well, I think I better get a little more sleep,” Kian grunts while lying back. “And you probably want to get to writing, don’t you? I can almost see the ideas floating behind your eyes already. Your brain is all busy.”

I chuckle knowingly because he’s so right. I can feel an itch in the ends of my fingers, needing to get out. It’s a strong urge I’ve never felt before.

“You’re correct,” I tell him happily. I lean forward to place a kiss on his forehead. “You get some sleep, sweetie, and I’ll see you when you wake up. Love you.” My chest warms, I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of saying those words.

“I love you too.” Oh, it seems I won’t ever grow tired of hearing them either. They make me feel so damn special it hurts. “Night.”

As Kian rests his head back on the pillow I step back from him and move over to my desk. When I moved to New Zealand in a hurry I left all my notebooks and writing equipment behind meaning that they’re still there now. The only good thing that my parents did was leaving my bedroom exactly as I left it. I don’t know how I would have felt coming back if that weren’t the case. With a pink notebook and a black biro, I sit at my desk and I let the pen flow without thinking about it. I don’t even consider the quality of the work. I know that the most important thing to do now is get the story out. Once it’s out there, on paper, I can edit it and make it so much better then. I might even change names and places then, to protect the real identities of people if they don’t want to be in it. Make it more of a fiction piece than fact, but for now, everything will be what it was:

The Princess Cruise was supposed to change everything. I wanted it to kick start my brand new life. I expected to find something aboard that ship, something that would steer me in a new direction and change the course of my current, very boring, existence. As I stared up at the grand ship, I felt a burst of excitement as I got the sense that nothing would ever be the same again.

It did change everything, but not in the way that I expected…

Chapter Twenty Three - Kian

I don’t know how to take Tia’s mom if I’m honest. I mean, she’s always been nice to me but I know from Tia that she hasn’t always been great. We have a stilted, slightly awkward relationship, but it’s okay for now. I’m polite because she’s let me stay in her house while I recover which is very good of her, but I know that she knew about her husband’s escapades and she did nothing about it. Stephen died because of that, which I cannot fully forgive.

Hopefully it won’t be too much longer. I’m getting ready to leave this house now, to restart my life. I’m itching to leave the confines of these four walls and to be me again.

“What are you doing?” I ask Tia while rubbing her shoulders. There’s a lot of tension there, she could use a good massage really. “You’ve been writing for hours now.”

“Hmm?” She looks up at me, bleary eyed and a little confused. “Oh I’m sorry have I been neglecting you?” She smiles thinly, blinking far too rapidly. “I’m sorry I keep getting sucked into the story line and getting lost. It makes me forget all about the rest of the world.”

“That’s good.” A bright, beaming proud smile spreads across my cheeks. I’ve never been so proud, it feels like Tia is finally flowing her dream at last and she’s really happy doing it. She’s only let me read snippets of the story at the moment, but it’s fantastic. She’s a true talent. I know she’s going to edit it to make it a mix of fact and fiction at the end to protect certain identities, but I think what he’s done is fantastic. It’s a real mood piece, a great way to remember Stephen. “I’m glad. That means it’ll be an amazing end product. You will have publishers and agents trying to snap your hand off.”

“Oh I don’t know about that.” She blushes coyly. “But I am having a very good time writing it. I forgot how much I like to write fiction. I mean, I enjoy my job at the paper and everything but this is just so much more me.”

“Good. Can I read some?” I reach forward to take a piece of paper from her but she snatches it away and shakes her head violently at me. “What? Why not?”

“I don’t want you to read it again until it’s done,” she says anxiously. “Your opinion and trying to please you is putting me off. Just let me get it done first.”

I’m not offended. I know what it’s like trying to do something creative. I don’t want anyone to hear my songs either until they are completely done. I take a step back with my hands in a surrendering gesture and give her a chuckle to show that I’m not offended.

“Alright, alright. Whatever you want. I’ll just be over here, waiting for you.”

She looks at me thoughtfully while tapping her chin. With her intense piercing gaze, I feel like she can see straight into me and she sees the things that I would much rather keep hidden. Usually I like that she can see that much of me, it makes me feel special that she knows me so well, but now I feel a little uncomfortable under it. It’s almost as if I have something to hide although I don’t know what it is.

“You are bored now, aren’t you?” Ah, that’s it. I don’t want her to know that I’m growing impatient to move on. Not when she’s in such a good creative place. “You want to leave here now.” I don’t say anything, but I guess chewing down on my bottom lip tells her everything that she needs to know. “I guess what we need to do is decide what to do next.” She cocks her head and gives me a curious look. “What are you thinking?”

I part my lips to speak, even though I don’t know what I’m going to say, but as it turned out I’m saved by the bell… or at least by the sound of my phone ringing loudly. “Oh, I better get this,” I tell her regretfully as I leave the room.

Once outside I press my back against the door and I close my eyes for a moment of relief. I know that I want to leave but I don’t know what I want to do. If I’m honest, there are other things that I’ve been keeping from Tia too and that’s musical job offers in America and New Zealand. Judging from the number that’s on my phone screen, this is going to be more of that.

“Hello?” I answer quietly. “Kian Jones speaking.”

“Hi, Kian,” comes the slick, smooth reply. “This is Bonnie from Mr. Beaumont’s office. I am just calling to chase you up, to see if you’ve had time to think about our offer.”

God the offer they’ve given me is good. Too good. It’ll catapult me to the rich and famous area of life I didn’t even know I desired until I performed that gig. I can close my eyes as I speak to Bonnie and I can see myself doing that for a living and making a whole lot of money as I do. Me and Tia would be set for life easily and it would probably be a whole lot of fun. Yes, it might be a little weird that it’s an offer piggybacking the controversial concert and it might also be strange that the Mr. Beaumont wanted to sign my brother too, but I’m trying my best not to think too hard about that one.

“I have,” I tell her sadly. “But I still don’t know what to do about it….”

“Is it more offers?” she jumps in, misinterpre

ting my hesitation. “Because we can go higher. Mr. Beaumont is more than willing to pay you whatever you want. You’re hot stuff right now. I’m sure we can work out a good deal for you.”