Broken

“Son? Are you even listening to me?”

“Oh sorry.” I drag my eyes away from the window and stare at him with a bit of a glassy eyed expression. “I am listening, I just… got distracted for a moment.”

A moment, a year, what does it matter? All that’s really important is that I still, after making the choice to choose business over love, putting my career first and thinking only of myself, I still don’t think I’ve done the right thing. I assumed that as soon as I got back to my real life, I’d forget all about my brief and magical time with Lola Boots, but somehow I haven’t quite recovered. Somehow, I’m not quite the person who I once was.

“Right, well as a CEO of the company, you can’t just get distracted. I’ve promoted you in good faith and every now and then you seem to be off in your own little world.” He pats me patronizingly on the shoulder. “You’ve worked hard and sacrificed a lot to be here. Don’t put all of that effort to waste now.”

I shake my head and ride my brain of everything that happened in the past. There’s no point in worrying about any of it now, thinking it through won’t get me anywhere. I left Lola in a shitty way, making sure there’s no going back, so there really isn’t any point in worrying about what’s happening there. It’s done. Over. No more.

“I know, I’m sorry. Please, let’s discuss these plans further.”

“At least this time you won’t have to be the one going to some ass end town to renovate it,” Dad chuckles loudly and spitefully. “I know how pissed off you were about that, but now that you’ve done it, you can make sure the next guy does it as well as you. The development you oversaw made a massive difference to that town, we need to do that elsewhere too.”

My heart races as I think about his words. Do I want to ask this? Do I want to know? I can feel my mouth speaking before I even say the next words. “What… what difference?”

“Oh the money we’ve made is amazing. It seems to have opened up the town and brought many more people in. It’s like a hive of activity now.” I can’t imagine Lola’s home being so busy. I don’t know if I like the idea much. “You should go and check it out, you know. See the positive difference that you’ve made. Maybe it’ll help you when you need positivity to keep you going.”

I gulp noisily. It would be so easy. I could go back, by chance, just to check up on the project, and if I saw her then it would just be one of those things… I could see how she’s doing, check that she doesn’t still hate me like I’m the worst person in the world, maybe I could see if she even might still like me… maybe a second time around I won’t pick my career over love. Maybe next time I will make the right choice.

“No,” I rasp with a shake of my head. “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

The idea is nice enough, but what if she does still hate me? Maybe she’s not even seen the lake or maybe she’s mad that I changed it. She’s certainly pissed that I left her. She could have text me, she’s had my number. I haven’t changed it for a year. I left her, I deserted her, and she hasn’t even asked me why. Maybe I don’t deserve her to, but the message is clear.

“Okay, well whatever. That’s up to you.” Dad shrugs and smirks. “It’s going well anyway. Now we need to work on the next project.”

As he spreads the plans out in front of me, and I try to see them for what they can be, my thumping head blurs my vision. I might want to be in the middle of this, I might want to be the man that my father wants me to be, but it doesn’t seem like I am. With every single day that passes, I realize that more and more, but I don’t know what else I can do…

Eventually, thankfully, the meeting comes to an end and I make my way out of my father’s giant office and into my own. When my dad gave me this room it felt like something special, something that made me important, but now I know that it’s just four, meaningless walls. A ceiling, a desk, a computer, all that means nothing.

“Hey there, Boss,” Sandi, the young lady that’s been hired as my personal assistant purrs at me. Her red lips pout out as she forms her words. “How did your meeting go?”

She leans her hands on my desk, giving me a glimpse of her plump, voluptuous breasts. She wants to lure me in to something naughty and taboo. She wants me to start a sordid work place affair with her. In all honesty, once upon a time I definitely would have been up for that. Why wouldn’t I? She’s hot, got a rocking body, lots of fun, perfect for a man like me who doesn’t want to settle down. I know she doesn’t want to either, she’s only in it to help her climb the corporate ladder. That wouldn’t usually make any difference to me.

But now, I don’t want any of it. Now, I just want to be left alone.

“It went okay.” I rub my head hard. “The usual, it’s just given me a terrible headache.”

“Oh yeah? You want me to go and get something for you? I can pop to the drug store?”

“No, don’t worry about it. I’ll get something on the way home.”

“Well, you need to get your head sorted if you’re coming out tonight. It’s the night of the year, isn’t it?” She bangs her hips against my desk and smiles once more. As I glance up at her she winks playfully at me… but I feel nothing. Not even a stirring. She just doesn’t do it for me at all. It’s a shame, I’d like to move on, but I don’t think I can. “You have to be there.”

“Why do I have to be there?” I ask, completely bewildered. “What is it?”

“Oh come on, it’s Franko’s birthday. You know that’s always a crazy night.”

Franko, one of the accountant guys always lets lose on his birthday. He throws a massive party and goes really wild. I know that because I’ve been here forever. I’m usually the one who makes it crazy, but not this year. I don’t want to be a part of any of it. I’m much too tired for any of it. The idea makes me feel a bit queasy.

“How do you know that? You haven’t ever been to one of Franko’s parties,” I chuckle mirthlessly. “But yeah, they are pretty wild. I don’t know if I’ll be there, maybe I’ll try.”

Sandi rolls her eyes at me. “Oh come on, don’t be so boring. It could be a whole lot of fun.” She breaths deeply and lets her eyes go heavy lidded. “You never know what will happen on a night out with work colleagues.” I grab a stack of papers and flick through them at a rapid pace, trying to indicate that the conversation is over, but Sandi doesn’t get the hint. “Would you like to see what I’m going to wear?”

I don’t even answer her. She pulls out her cell phone and scrolls through it until she comes to a picture of a very low cut red sparkly dress. There’s even a slit in the side that will reveal all kinds of thigh. It’s hot, but still not enough to tempt me.

“Very nice. I’m sure you’ll look lovely in it.”

Sandi steps back and she gives me a curious look. “You aren’t anything like your reputation, are you?” Her hands fall onto her hips. “I heard that you were lots of fun… if you know what I mean? Like, I heard that everyone looked to you for an awesome time.”