Broken

“You have?” I exclaim in shock. “I didn’t know you were interested in music.”

“But I do like to have an extensive portfolio. You know that. Music and recording are just my latest thing. I’m interested in Lola’s music and I think it might be something special.” My eyes widen in shock. What is going on? What’s happened to my father? Who is this man? “I want to pursue it. Would you be willing to record a demo?”

Lola gives me a shocked look, and I can tell she wants to know if this is a good idea or not. I don’t really know what she should do for the best, but I give her an encouraging nod for now. I don’t want to throw her into my father’s scary clutches, but with me there to protect her, it should be fine. I hope.

“Okay, yeah, that sounds wonderful. When would you like me to do it?”

“Do you have time today?”

Lola’s face falls, I can see this won’t work. “I don’t know if I can leave my dad alone today. I’ve done so all night long and I’m worried about him.”

I think she expects my dad to say it’s now or never, and I suppose I do too. I don’t know how serious he is about this, but I hope he is. Lola deserves this big break. Even if it doesn’t lead her into something massive, I think she needs this opportunity. The music business is all about who you know anyway… or so I’ve heard.

“Oh of course, I completely understand. How much longer are you in the city for? I’ll set something up with you.”

“Maybe for a week longer, depending on what happens with the doctor. I don’t know if that’ll suit you.”

“Yep, that’s fine.” He hands her a business card. “Here’s my number. Can I take yours so I can call you when I’ve set something up?”

“Oh of course.” She takes his phone from him and types in her digits. It’s the weirdest sight in the world, watching the girl I think I love giving her number to my father. “Thank you.”

The small talk rolls out for a little while longer, mostly from Lola and my father because I’m shocked into silence, but eventually my dad has to go. He doesn’t even mention work again as he says goodbye, it’s almost as if my presence at the office has taken a back seat now that Lola and her singing talent has been revealed… thank goodness! I don’t want to discuss my career for the moment, not when Lola’s is so potentially exciting.

“What just happened?” she gushes as soon as the door closes behind Dad. “Have I gone insane?” Her hand clutches to her forehead in shock. “I must be mad!”

“Maybe,” I chuckle. “Since you’ve just met my hard asses father while he’s in the middle of a mood with me for not being as dedicated to his company as he would like, then you’ve managed to thaw him despite the fact that he thinks all women are gold diggers thanks to my mother. Then you sang for him and now he wants to record a demo with you. Not only have you charmed him, you’ve made him love you. Something I don’t think I’ve ever been able to do properly.”

“Well… I feel shell shocked. I think I need to sit down. That was insane. I mean, even if it comes to nothing just the knowledge that I could be good enough is awesome.”

As I follow her back into the living room, there’s a smile on my lips. I already worked out that Lola’s the one a while back, but now she has the approval of my father. Something I never thought would happen. This is incredible, it really could be the start of something amazing. I don’t know what way it’ll go, but the possibilities are endless.

Chapter 27 – Lola

Standing in a recording studio feels really weird. It’s so glamorous and sleek, it makes me feel more and more like this isn’t somewhere I belong. My clothes feel shabby, my hair messy, my make up all wrong… I’m utterly uncomfortable in my own skin.

But with Brandon standing on the other side of that glass, supporting me wholeheartedly, I find the courage not to run away. The urge is still there but it isn’t quite as powerful.

“Right, Lola,” the guy behind the mic, sitting next to Brandon’s dad, says. “Whenever you’re ready we’re recording.” I nod to let him know I’m game. I think. “Right, let’s go.”

I have a guitar in my hands. It isn’t mine, that’s back at home waiting for me to return. I didn’t see any need to bring it with me to the city because I certainly didn’t think anything like this was going to happen! But it’s fine, it’s the same model so I can make this work.

I can feel Brandon’s eyes upon me as I start strumming and I can’t help but wonder what he’s going to think of my new material. These are songs that I’ve written over the last year that are all pretty much fuelled by him and the heart ache he gave me. They’re perfect for today, even if they might cut him deep, because I can still bring those raw emotions to the surface if I need to. My music needs those emotions to make any sort of impact… and if I’ve ever needed to make someone sit up and see me, it’s today.

My dad is happy that this has happened, much happier than I thought he would be. I assumed he’d put on a gleeful face and that inside it would hurt him because it could potentially mean me pulling away. He might panic that if I’m not there all the time then there won’t be anyone to care for him, but he really doesn’t seem too bothered. With his new farm hand, who’s willing to work for whatever profit we can afford from the farm at the moment, and his new positive health news (fingers crossed, now that some time has passed I realize that it’s best not to get too carried away with the news until I know for sure), he seems to want me to move on with my life. He wants me to have all the happiness in the world.

I do too, I think. It’s just a bit scary. Very scary. Too scary, actually.

As the words flow out of my mouth, I truly put my heart and soul into them. I throw myself right back into those soul destroying memories when it really felt like the whole world was falling apart around me. When Brandon first left, I thought I would never be happy again, yet here I am proving that I can be… and somehow with him still in the picture.

It’s madness, utter madness.

Still, here I am, singing in a recording studio because I gave him a chance, so my dad was very right about giving me that advice.

It takes me a while, but eventually I brave making eye contact with Brandon, and as I do a bolt of emotions shoots right down to my core. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of looking at him, of seeing him look at me like that. He makes me feel special and I think he always will.

I search his face, looking for some hurt, but he doesn’t give me anything to worry about. He must know that this is all about him, but thankfully I think he understands that I’m simply drawing my art from real life.

Once my first, heart wrenching song is up, I decide to sing one of my more positive ones. It’s a song I wrote when things were really good with me and Brandon when I first started feeling that excitable flush of potential love. It hasn’t ever seen the light of day until now because it was much too painful to sing, but I think it’s important. For me, I need to recall the good times that me and Brandon had, I want him to know that I appreciate it when it was good. He has made a big effort to make things right with me, and it seems to be continuing. I appreciate all of that, and I also am so grateful for what he’s done for my father.