Love at First Sight

“Oh, right now?” I leap up almost sliding on the marble floor. “Yes, of course now. Why would you say it otherwise?” I let out an awkward laugh, my face flaming with embarrassment. “Yes, let’s go. Sorry, I’m…”

This is it, the bad first impression. Fucking hell, I just have to hope she isn’t the interviewer.

“It’s this way…” She indicates towards the stairs. The fucking mountain of stairs that are so shiny someone must clean it with their freaking spit every night. “Just at the top the panel awaits.”

I could run now… I could go… Those thoughts shoot and dart through my mind but I ignore them. I am supposed to be a grown up now, I don’t want to throw it away on the first step. Even if that idiot man threw coffee at me on the train, wrecking my day for me. I ball my fists up by my side in temper.

Forget about him, I warn myself. Don’t let him screw it up even further… Katherine will kill me.

She’s talked me down, calmed me down, I don’t want to fly back up there again. I need to focus on my step instead if I don’t want to fall all the way down. Now that would be embarrassing in this place. I would be the freaking talk of the office all day long. If anyone even talks here, they don’t really seem to. There aren’t any pockets of people hiding by the water cooler, gossiping. Urgh, it seems like a really boring place.

I step carefully, purposefully, gasping desperately as I climb the mountain. Thankfully, I make it to the top without too much drama, but then I find myself outside the door, ready for the next challenge. This is going to be even worse. Climbing those steps is a walk in the park compared to this. It’s so freaking serious. There are a few people in there waiting to see if I’ll be good a filing admin. But as Katherine warned me, the questions will be intense. They act like you’re coming in for a manager position no matter what. It’s crazy.

I lift up my fist, ready to knock, but before I can even do that a physic on the other side calls me in.

“Come in.” The voice is booming, commanding, and it shakes me to the core. I automatically glance around for cameras but I don’t see anything. They must just somehow know that I’m here.

I walk through the door, my heel giving way beneath me as I do making me stumble. Immediately, a humiliated heat races through my body, this is not the best start. But it isn’t the worst either. There’s still hope.

“H… hi,” I stammer out, walking forward with my hand outstretched. “I’m Tamara Owen.”

“Yes.” The man in the middle looks at my hand as if it’s poison. He reaches out and shakes it but I can tell he isn’t keen. “Thank you for coming in to meet with us, Tamara Owen. Please, take a seat.”

I sit down, hitting the edge of the seat. It makes me wince with pain as something hard crashes into my butt, but I try my hardest to cover it up. I slide back as discretely as I can manage.

“So, Tamara, we were very intrigued to get your application. Your resume is very thin but your education is good.” He places the sheet of paper down and gives me a look. “That’s why we agreed to see you.”

Okay, so my college education means something, even if I don’t. I glance to the women on either side of him wishing I could get a glimpse of help from either of them, but they’re stony faces and cold.

“I erm, yes. I think… erm…” Did Katherine prepare me for this question? My mind is completely blank!

“What I’m trying to ask is why you applied to work here and what you think you can offer.”

My insides coil, sickness swirls violently, even frustrated tears prick my eyes because I cannot think.

“My life took a… a different turn after college, but now I want to get it back on track.” That’s a complete lie but I think it sounds good. “That’s why I want to work in such an awesome company.”

Awesome… did I just say that? Awesome? Who the hell describes something professional as awesome?

“Mhmm, yes, and what can you offer?” he reminds me, ignoring my faux pas, I think.

“Well, I’m hard working. I can be… be organized…” What the hell else is good about me? “I will work whenever you need me to and I’ll… get along with others. I can work well with… with people.” Another lie.

“I see yes.” He frowns, he’s unimpressed. “So, where do you see yourself in five years’ time from now?”

My mind went even blanker, it was like a big deep hole of nothingness. I really didn’t know, I wasn’t exactly the sort of person to plan. Especially not that far ahead. “Oh, I don’t know,” I giggle like an idiot. “It took everything that I have to get myself here. I’m not planning next week never mind next year.”

I wanted that to be funny but I really didn’t manage to pull it off. They just look less and less impressed. I shift uncomfortably in my seat just wishing that a giant hole would grow to swallow me up and take me away from this. I grit my teeth together and try to keep any more words inside. I don’t want to vomit here.

“Right, I see. So, I would like to tell you that we have had a lot of applications for this position. It’s going to be very difficult for us to pick just one applicant. Why should we choose you over everyone else?”

“That’s just the same question, isn’t it?” Oh God, my mouth is open again and the words are flowing. “I mean, I don’t know how I can answer that without seeing the other applicants. I… I just need this job.” If I can’t stop talking, I might as well just be honest. “I would work hard for you because I need to, okay?”

I fold my arms across my chest, defensive spilling over. I’m being judged and my shitty first impression is killing me. I want to race out the door and to come back in to try over, I wish I could tell them that I just don’t do well the first time over. They bore their eyes into me, and it makes me hate myself.

“Thank you, Tamara Owens.” He turns away from me, any element of nicety over. “We’ll be in touch.”

I rise to a standing position, yet somehow, I can’t seem to quite let it go. “Does that mean I don’t have the job? I would just like to know now so I can keep on looking around. I’d rather be sure…”