The One I Love

“Um, a bottle of Jack and some bad television,” I said looking over at Glen, sitting at the bar. “I haven’t put much thought into it.”

“Are you sure you’re okay with me leaving?” he asked. “I can always fly my girlfriend out here.”

“Will you stop? It’s not like I am homicidal or suicidal, or even depressed for that matter.” I chuckled. “You have waited an entire year to ring in the New Year with a really great girl that has stood by your side, even though you decided to stay on with this job. Go home and be with her. You are a very lucky man for having something that fantastic.”

“Why don’t you come with me?”

“No.” I laughed. “You know I don’t do the whole family thing. Besides, I’ll be the third, grumpy wheel, and no one wants the third, grumpy wheel.”

I forced a smile to let Glen know that he was free to live his own life, and that I didn’t want my sad love story to affect his. I did know one thing. Something had to give. I couldn’t continue to live my life one step at a time, hoping that Bea was just around the corner. Everything I did, she was just outside my mind, waiting for that quiet moment to hit when I had nothing else to focus on. I hadn’t ever been this locked up over a girl, and I had to admit that it was kind of exhausting. I had many opportunities over the last year to pick up some really sexy women, but I just wasn’t interested. I felt like Glen did a year ago, when all he could think of was a different life, and the women that hit on him made no impact whatsoever. He was a really good friend, and I was really glad he was able to work things out with his ex-girlfriend. She was the one that had haunted him for years, just like Bea was doing to me.

“Have you heard anything about Bea yet?” he asked, knowing she was always on my mind.

“No.” I sighed. “Brian has been checking the guest check-ins every day, looking for her name or Hailey’s, but so far, nothing.”

“You think she will come?”

“I don’t know anymore,” I said. “Sometimes, I think that I’m on the wrong side of one-way emotions. I’ve told myself that I needed to hope for the best, but expect the worst. That way, I won’t be too crushed when I ring in the New Year on my own.”

“Well, I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you,” he said, smiling and drinking the last of his whiskey. “All right, man. If you need me, call me. I’m heading out to the airport. I’ll see you on the flight to Utah after this, okay?”

“Yep, and try to have a blast,” I said, smiling. “You deserve all the happiness in the world.”

“Thanks, man, and let me know if she shows up,” he said, smiling. “You are a good man, and she would be stupid not to. Only this time, don’t let her get away again, okay? I can’t take another year of your moping ass.”

“Get out of here.” I laughed turning back toward the bar.

Everything in me hoped that Bea would come back and be there on New Year’s Eve, just like she said she would. My entire year had been spent drowning in thoughts of spending another year lost in visions of this woman. Everything I had done, every lonely night, every drink of whiskey had, in reality, been me just trying to get through the days until New Year’s Eve again. It wasn’t until I arrived in Aspen and it all started to become reality that I was starting to question whether she would actually show up or not. I didn’t want to think that she had suffered like I had for the last year. It had been miserable. At the same time, though, I would give anything to have her walk through the doors just like she had done the first time I had laid eyes on her.

I would survive if she didn’t show up, but I knew that I would have to start picking up the pieces at that point. I couldn’t go the rest of my life waiting for a woman that didn’t want me. I had to pledge to myself that if she didn’t show up, I would pick myself up and move on, trying to find the man I was before I ever met Bea. I would wish her best and send those vibes across the mountains, but then, I would close the book.

“How you been holding up?” Brian was behind the bar, just like the year before.

“Oh, you know,” I said, drinking my beer. “Working, self-loathing, searching for Bea with no luck whatsoever, and hoping that she shows up this year like she said she would. That has pretty much been my entire year. Not one of the better ones, if you ask me.”

“I’m sorry you are going through this,” he said. “I know how it feels, and it isn’t pleasant.”

“With Hailey?”

“No,” he scoffed. “I knew Hailey was a wild card from the beginning. Our relationship was a bit more carnal than it ever was emotional. She was really cool, but not my long-term cup of tea. No, I meant my high-school sweetheart

. We spent Valentine’s Day together last year, had an amazing time, and then she went back to school. We haven’t spoken since then, trying to keep separate lives since she is in college on the other side of the country. Every day, I wake up, and I think about that amazing night.”

“I hear you,” I said, shaking my head. “I’ve replayed my first kiss with Bea so many times that my brain is tired. It was New Year’s Eve, right out there in the courtyard. The fireworks were going off, the love was in the air, and everything was absolutely perfect. I’ll be honest with you, I haven’t been the same man since then. In fact, those around me would probably describe me as a wreck. I spend my days trying to keep myself occupied and my nights laying around, just thinking about her, wondering what she’s doing at that exact moment. Sometimes, I step back from myself and shake my head, wondering what happened to the man that I used to be. I was wild and free, and just a couple days before I met Bea, I had told Glen how dumb he was for wanting to get into a relationship. She made me want to settle down, to think of things I used to push away, like family and the future. Now, I’m left just trying to clean up the mess.”

“Well, just remember that no matter how cheesy it sounds, the holidays have always been a pretty magical time,” he said. “If I were you, I wouldn’t give up hope just yet. You have a few days before New Year’s Eve. It’s not over until that ball hits the ground, and the countdown is over.”

I smiled at Brian and watched as he moved over to help some guests that were arriving. Maybe he was right. If I was going to carry this with me all year, the least that I could do is see it out until the countdown reached zero. I didn’t want to have another entire year of nothing but regret and what ifs. I wanted to walk into the New Year with either Bea on my arm, or the memory of her in the past. I needed a do over, a year that I could say was a good year. It didn’t need to be anything exciting or out of the ordinary, but it needed to be better than what it had been since I left this place a year ago.

I was going to forfeit my New Year’s kiss this year, hoping that if it did happen, it came from Bea. But if it didn’t happen, and I was left sitting alone in the snow, then I would pledge one hell of a New Year the next time it came around. As much as I wanted to continue to search for Bea, trying to find her to tell her how I felt, I couldn’t spend the rest of my life looking for someone that at that point probably didn’t even want to be found. There was nothing worse than chasing after a girl but having no one behind you, chasing you. I knew that the man I had been this last year wasn’t the man I wanted to continue to be. I didn’t want to end up that grumpy old man that never got married, never had kids, and all because one woman broke him so badly that he spent the rest of his life, mulling over her memories, and constantly hoping for a better tomorrow.

Brian was right, I couldn’t give up hope yet, but I knew if she didn’t show, that hope that I was clinging to so strongly would be gone in the blink of an eye. For now, though, I was going to sit there and enjoy my beer, trying to put the whole situation out of my head.

Chapter 26

New Year’s Eve

Bea