Welcome to Hell: Rediscovering First Love

None of my sisters were available when I called them so I left my cell phone number for them to call me back. Gemma called while I was driving through Cincinnati. She reacted as I expected she would react. Gemma being the youngest had the greatest sense of immortality still, which carried over to our mother. She didn’t think that anything could possibly happen to our mother therefore it wouldn’t. She was in denial as usual and adamantly insisted that she not have to be present at the hospital. Hospitals, she told me gave her the creeps.

When I explained that Yancy would be crushed if she didn’t come to the hospital at some point during the surgery she relented. Adin, the sensible one was the next one to call the cell phone. I was driving through Dayton, Ohio when she called about an hour’s drive north of when Gemma had called me.

She reacted with shock and fear and a few whimpers but promised to be at the hospital with me. She would be my only support the morning of the surgery besides Kat. Michaela would be too emotional. Gem would be too flippant. The school would have to get a substitute teacher for the day to take over Adin’s classes but she would be there with me. It would have been nice to have more time to prepare. No kidding!

My next topic with her about birth control brought waves of laughter from her. She was on the pill she told me and knew that our mother had put me up to this conversation. Adin had been playing with Yancy for meddling in her life. She had led our mother to believe she wasn’t using birth control. Great, I thought to myself when I had hung up the phone. Put me in the middle of your insane game with Yancy.

The difficult one called between south of Toledo between it and Bowling Green, Ohio. Just when I thought I was almost home Michaela reminded me just how far I had to go. Micki sobbed into the phone while I tried to make out what words she was muttering through her tears. When she was finally coherent I told her that Yancy was trying to deal with the emotions and fears of having surgery herself and didn’t need our tears to handle as well.

“You think I shouldn’t go over there right now?” My weeping sister had asked. “I really think I should.”

“Micki, I think you shouldn’t go over there,” I agreed. “Yancy has known this for weeks. She’s a strong woman. I don’t think she needs comforting when you are so upset. Pop has known this all along and he’s with her. He has and will take care of her.”

“I will be at the hospital,” Micki replied adamantly.

“She’ll be sedated then,” I said without thinking.

“What?”

“Nothing Micki. Yancy wants you at the hospital but get your tears out now. Yancy will need for us to be strong for her.”

“Okay, Gab.”

Keegan was chuckling.

Micki and I hung up. I looked at Kat and said with exasperation. “Not one of them thought to ask why Yancy had told only me. Why do they think of me as the cushion between our mother and themselves? I would be pissed if one of them called me and told me something this important but they expect it.”

Keegan looked up from her homework. “Mom,” she said with total honesty that I couldn’t deny, “it’s your own damned fault.”

And by God, she was right. It was entirely my fault. I had allowed them to use me for their dirty work. When Michaela became pregnant by Bryon I told Jack and Yancy for her bearing the brunt of their shock, which spared my sister. When Adin got an F in French I told Pop and Yancy. When Gem stole candy from the pharmacy and was caught…I told Jack and Yancy. As a child I had been used by my sisters as a buffer between them and our parents. Nothing had change and it was definitely my own damned fault and that my friends needed to change.

#

When I saw my mother’s house no more than thirty feet away I sighed happily because my butt hurt, my legs were stiff and my eyes were droopy from driving. Again, she met us at the front door, as we were loaded down with bags.

“Well look what the cat drug in,” she said using one of her many corny phrases. “Sorry Keegan. I know that is your nickname. Keegan,” she stopped her at the entrance to the front door, “you look lovely tonight.”

Keegan shot me a look that said is Nana all right? I shrugged my shoulders. Keegan didn’t know that I told Yancy a little white lie. Well a big one but who is counting?

“Hello Yancy, how are you?” I asked her kissing her smooth cheek.

“I’m lovely darling but you are a bad daughter for lying to your dear old mother. You said her hair was green and purple. I’ve been fretting ever since.”

“I wanted you to fret over Kat’s hair and not your surgery,” I lied again.

“Good try Gabrielle. I’m not buying swamp land in Phoenix either.”

“I don’t think there are swamps in Phoenix Yancy. I’m sorry,” I replied meekly.

“No you’re not.”

She was right. I wasn’t sorry not one little bit.

Kat did her usual disappearing act to the third floor while I snuggled in a big, overstuffed comfortable chair in the den in front of the old stone fireplace. “It feels good to be home,” I said to Yancy who sat in her burgundy leather recliner also staring into the roaring blaze.

“I’m glad you feel that this is still your home. You’re welcome to come to it again permanently if needed.”

“You would meddle too much,” I teased my mother but she wasn’t laughing.