Welcome to Hell: Rediscovering First Love

Kerry’s life and where that life existed had not registered with me yet. I knew so little about this man I loved so deeply. I shook my head no to his question. Nothing surprised me about Kerry McCoy. I had known how intelligent he was. He just never seemed to want to apply himself in school.

“We sell hardware and technology services. I have locations in D.C., Seattle, Denver, Dallas, San Diego, Atlanta, Tampa, Columbus and North Carolina. The headquarters is in Chicago. We have many government and education contracts that have been lucrative for me and the company. I’m pretty fucking successful.”

I chuckled. He deserved that. He had worked for it. How many times had Yancy called him worthless?

“Chicago doesn’t have many places for horses, does it?” I asked thinking of Spider and Kat’s horse Moose who were being taken care of by Littie and Virgil while we were gone.

“No but I could move to the suburbs or further where you could have your horses.”

“What are you saying?” I asked.

“I’m saying decide what you need to decide about James. Hell, Gabby I will take you however you want married or now just get him the fuck out of your life. Let me know when you’re ready.” It was a simple statement but more complicated than he knew.

“Kerry there’s more than James.”

“Your mother.”

“She needs me.”

“I need you too. How many more chances will we have Gabby?”

With heartbreaking sadness I asked, “Will you wait for me?”

I wanted Kerry in my life I knew that for fact but I knew my mother’s illness and James still stood in our path blocking our happiness. He stepped closer to me and took me in his arms.

Then he whispered, “I’ve waited a long time. I’ll wait until you’re free from James and even your responsibilities to Yancy.”

Kerry released me then. I watched him walk upstairs presuming he was going to see Kat feeling as though my heart had just been stomped on. The thought crossed my mind to call him back. A desperate need to stop him. I wanted to say I’ll leave with you for Chicago but knew that I had to resolve some issues in my life before I could be with Kerry.

#

At two in the morning I tiptoed down the hall and stood outside the bedroom door where Kerry slept contemplating whether to go in and wake him or go back to my room. I had been tossing and turning unable to sleep. I felt like a naughty kid lurking in the hallway. I rested my forehead against his door. No sound came from within his room. I turned on bare feet and started to step away from the door and the loud floorboards squeaked in protest.

Dammit to fucking hell!

Shit!

Stupid old house.

Making noises. Noises I knew well but in the middle of the night I had not thought.

In the silence the noise was deafening to my ears. I hesitated, waiting for some kind of response from within the room. There was none so I walked further down the hall toward the stairs to go to the kitchen for something to drink and eat. Then I heard the soft whisper of a door opening causing me to turn on my heel. Kerry stood just inside the doorframe staring at me. His arms were folded across his broad, bare chest. He was only wearing his loose, black boxers low on his hips.

“Did you want something?” He asked me gently.

God yes I wanted something. I wanted him to hold me, as tomorrow would bring us one day closer to being apart again. I wanted him to say that I couldn’t return to Eden. That he wouldn’t allow it. I wanted him to repeat the three words that he had said earlier, I love you! He wasn’t going to make this easy on me.

“Would you hold me?” I asked unable to say any other words that were going through my brain at rapid fire speed.

“Want to come into my room?” He asked.

“Were you sleeping?” I asked stepping around him and glancing about the room as if I didn’t know the place I was standing in as well as I did.

“No, you were keeping me awake,” he replied.

“Me?” Clearly I was confused.

“Thoughts of you,” he clarified.