Promise Me

“No, go.” She waved her hand at me without really looking at me. I think she almost wanted me out of her face for a while. She saw me more than anyone throughout the day.

**

I could have cried if I let myself. I had to tell somebody because I was about to burst with my secret. He didn’t remember. It was the best sex of my life and he didn’t remember me taking him home.

I didn’t know he was that wasted he wouldn’t remember or I wouldn’t have done it. I went where I always went to Ryan and Ciaran’s. I wasn’t far from there after stopping at the farm just to see him and know that he was okay. After the first night, seeing him with all the tubes and wires, I couldn’t go to the hospital again. I didn’t want to see him laid out in the bed unsure if he was going to live.

First of all, ICU was where Stevie and Gramps belonged. Declan if he would have stopped being stubborn and gone with them. Secondly, when he got moved to a regular room I was too emotional to go. Sure the first day, my sisters and I were all upset. A normal reaction we would have about anyone in our group but after we knew he was going to be all right then my continued emotional response would have seemed odd. I couldn’t explain to anyone why I felt like crying every time I thought about almost losing Ronan before I got the chance to tell him about that night.

He wasn’t nice to everyone but Ronan was always nice to Aine, me and Charlie. He and Ryan rubbed each other the wrong way although even they were working on being nice to each other. So I knew she might not be the best person to tell this to but I had to tell somebody and she and I were the closest.

I graduated from UC. Pointe Royal High School offered me a job teaching English to the freshman class and I accepted. I wonder how they would feel about maternity leave two and a half months after starting the job? I parked behind Ryan’s SUV and got out. Stevie was watering her flowers. “Hi Stevie,” I called to her and waved. She smiled and waved back at me.

“After Fionn and Aine’s kid, I’m going to give birth to your next grandchild,” I told Stevie not loud enough that she could hear me of course and your son doesn’t remember our night together, I added silently in my head.

Opening the door to my sister’s house I shouted, “Ry?”

“In the twin’s room.” Then she met me in the hallway. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, why?” I gazed at her in confusion waiting for Ryan to respond.

“I don’t usually see you during the week.”

“I’ve moved home from main campus,” I explained.

“Mom said you aren’t doing the ceremony. She really wants you to though.”

“Not happening,” I argued. “Four hours is too long. High school graduation was enough for me.” I would have to pee several times throughout that ceremony and that just wasn’t going to happen. How could I explain that one?

Ryan chuckled. “I remember. At least let her throw a party now that Ronan is home.” I had put off the party because of Ronan’s overdose. Now Mom was hounding me again about scheduling a date for my graduation party since I didn’t want to do the actual graduation ceremony.

“I need to talk to you,” I told her at the mention of his name.

Now to just get the words out. My sister rubbed her hand up and down my arms. Ryan knew that something was wrong. “It’s okay. Just tell me Skylar.” I could see the concern on her face. She could obviously see the panic in mine.

“I stopped by the farm on the way here. I wanted to see Ro. I feel somewhat responsible because I saw him downtown four months ago and he was pretty wasted. I knew that night it wasn’t just alcohol.”

“Oh Sky, that isn’t your fault,” Ryan interrupted me.

“That’s what he said. He was pretty shaken up because he didn’t remember me taking him home.”

“Oh that’s not good,” Ryan replied.

No it wasn’t. “Ryan, when I took him home…”

“Yeah,” my sister responded. I knew that Ryan wouldn’t be expecting this. No one in the family would especially Ronan who never treated me as anything other than his sweet, little sister.

“I spent the night or most of it at least. I left before he woke.”

“Did he need you? Was he in that bad of shape?” She asked, her brow winkled up with concern. For a really brilliant woman, 4.0 in her engineering classes she was dumb as dirt. She was a natural blonde and at times she acted like the stereotype but she was smart as hell.

“No Ryan, he didn’t need me to take care of him. At least, not like that.”

A look of horror crossed her face as the reality of my words settled in her brain. “You slept with Ronan?”

“Is that a question?” I asked scrunching up my nose not wanting to respond.

“Did you?” My sister was more than horrified, I realized.