Filthy: A Mafia Romance

I had a son to think of. If I got busted with those kinds of drugs…what would happen to Cody? Would his deadbeat dad magically appear out of nowhere, riding in on some white horse, to scoop Cody up and take him to a better life? Probably not. I’d long since stopped waiting around for Collin to show up again.

No, Cody would end up in foster care. The very best I could hope for is that Jessie would be able to take him, but I knew what she made. It was barely enough for herself, and it was contingent on the success of The Cut. And even if that all somehow worked out, I would never see him again.

Never.

The thought put my stomach in knots. I felt so awful that I almost felt sick.

No, I couldn’t let any of that happen. I would have to tell Ethan no. It didn’t matter how much money he paid me. It wouldn’t be worth my life and the life of my kid. Cody always had to come first.

We finished our lunches in silence, then I opened up the shop again. Jessie went back to the register, taking calls, making appointments, and helping people on the convenience store side. She really was a lifesaver. Worth three employees for the price of one and if I could give the woman a raise, I would.

She went to pick up Cody a couple of hours later and brought him back to The Cut. I spent some time with him, but I ended up being pretty busy. Jessie entertained him, though, and let him draw all over the sticky notes she’d pasted across the register.

I watched them in a daze, telling myself the money wasn’t worth the risk. But the honest money I was making barely cut it, and that was hard to know.

I had several more appointments and two walk-ins. Everyone was talkative, but I wasn’t, so I mostly let my clients ramble away. I had other things on my mind. I’d have to call Ethan. Tell him my decision, which was a resolute no. But I’d have to have a reason and I had a feeling that it wouldn’t fly to tell him I thought he was a drug dealer who wanted to use my drug free, completely by the books store as a cover for his operation.

Yeah, that would go over like a lead balloon.

When I was finally done with customers, we closed up shop. Jessie cashed out the register while I cleaned up. Cody insisted on helping, so I let him sweep the floors. He made more of a mess than he cleaned up, but I appreciated his effort. He was a sweet kid and I was so proud of him.

He’ll be a good man, I thought to myself.

We were ready to head out in an hour. I dropped Jessie off, then went home with Cody. I still had dishes from that morning to do, but the laundry could wait another day and I had leftovers to reheat for dinner, so I was in good shape. Which meant I had no excuse to not call Ethan Chambers and tell him my decision.

“Are we going to have mac ‘n cheese every night, Mom?”

I glanced up from my plate of congealed cheese and elbow noodles. I looked at my son’s wide, round face. His hair was sticking up again, that little cowlick in the front just a single curl that came down farther and to the left while everything else went right. “No, honey. We’ll…we’ll do spaghetti tomorrow, okay?”

“That’s okay. I like mac ‘n cheese. I think everyone should have it like we do.” He dug into his noodles for emphasis, scooping a huge bite into his mouth.

The whole thing tugged at my heart a little, because I knew he was being honest. He loved the blue box special, as my mother used to call it. But we’d had mac ‘n cheese four out of five nights this week because I didn’t have the money for much else.

It was pancakes for breakfast, because I’d gotten a sale on the big box of mix last shopping trip. And it was peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch, because a little goes a long way and I could get both peanut butter and jelly for a good price thanks to the convenience store. But he deserved variety and, god, I was tired of the damn orange cheese.

You could use that money, a traitorous little voice whispered in the back of my head. I shoved it aside, forcing myself to picture what would happen to the boy sitting in front of me if I got caught storing Ethan’s drugs.

Instead, I focused on my son. I watched him pile macaroni onto his spoon, using his fingers to keep it in place, and shoveling it into his mouth as only a little boy can do. My heart clenched at his innocence, his sweetness, and I felt tears prick at my eyes. I told myself everything was going to be okay. All I had to do was keep being a good mom to him and that meant keeping my nose out of the business of people like Ethan Chambers.