Operation Fake Relationship

“Ow.”

“See. Not a dream.” He thumped him again to prove the point.

“Okay, okay! Stop hitting me.” Jackson grabbed his wrist and held it tight. He studied Nick as though seeing him for the first time. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. I’m sure.”

“Since when?”

Nick hadn’t planned this conversation. But if he had, this wouldn’t have been how he would have expected it to go. Surely when you declared your love for someone it wasn’t supposed to turn into an inquisition.

“Since Christmas.”

Jackson’s expression was weirdly tense. “You mean since we fucked?”

“Well, technically yes… but it’s not just about the sex. I think maybe it’s been building for a long time but I never realised before.”

Finally, a small smile lifted the corners of Jackson’s mouth. “Yeah?” He released his death grip on Nick’s wrist.

“Yes,” Nick said earnestly, taking his hand. “I already loved you as a friend. I just never imagined anything different between us, and then… Christmas happened.” He waved his free hand. “And bam! Suddenly it was all sexual chemistry up the wazoo, and it made me wonder why we hadn’t always been doing that. It just seems like we should be together. Real boyfriends, not fake ones.” Jackson’s smile was wider and more sure now, and hope began to swell in Nick’s chest like a balloon inflating. “So?” He raised his eyebrows. “You haven’t actually told me how you feel about all this?”

It felt as though the whole world stopped for a moment as they gazed into each other’s eyes.

Nick could hardly breathe as he waited. He tightened his hold on Jackson’s hand, willing him to say what Nick needed so desperately to hear.

When the words came they were soft, slow, and utterly deliberate. “I love you too.”

The rush of joy and relief made Nick feel almost dizzy. “Oh, thank fuck.” He put his free hand over his heart, as if reassuring it that it was safe now. “I’m so glad I’m not the only one. Also, I’m fucking freezing. Can I get into bed with you now?”

Jackson grinned. “I think it would be rude not to, at this point.”

They both laughed as Nick scrambled under the duvet.

“Come here.” Jackson put his hand on Nick’s cheek.

They kissed, a sweet soft brush of lips, before Nick snuggled closer, burrowing into Jackson’s warmth. “Mmm. This is perfect.” He hitched a leg over Jackson’s hip and kissed him again, longer and deeper, feeling arousal begin to wake and spread. But then something occurred to him, a piece of the puzzle that hadn’t yet slotted into place, and he wanted to know how it fit. “Hey. So how long have you been in love with me?”

Jackson hesitated before answering. “A while.”

“How long is ‘a while’?”

“I don’t know. Like you said, it kind of crept up on me. But looking back… a few months at least, maybe longer. Maybe a lot longer. I had a thing about you when we first met to be honest, and then it got rekindled when I broke up with Tomas and moved in with you. I didn’t let myself call it love though. I just knew I had a weird crush on you and it was doing my head in.”

Nick frowned. “But why didn’t you say anything?” The idea of keeping a secret like that for so long was unimaginable to Nick.

“Because I didn’t think there was any chance you felt the same. And even if you did—I knew you didn’t want to be in a relationship. You told me enough about your counselling sessions for me to know that was off the table. So what was the point in telling you?”

“I suppose.”

“Since we’re on the subject.” Jackson drew back a little and gave Nick a searching look. “I have to ask. Are you sure about how you feel?”

“Yes!”

“Like, really sure? You’re not just infatuated, or in love with the idea of being in love like you were with all those other guys?”

Now Nick almost wished he hadn’t confided so much in Jackson about the work he’d done with his counsellor. He’d never imagined it was going to come back and bite him on the arse.

“I’m sure. This is totally different. I know you, Jackson. I know you back to front and inside out, the good parts and the not-so-good parts. I know you always leave toothpaste dribbles on the side of the sink, and toast crumbs on the counter—but you still get mad at me if I don’t empty the bin once in a while. And I know you can be a moody arsehole after a long day at work and are weirdly possessive about TV remotes.”

“All true. But I’m not sure this is helping to convince me about your feelings. Just saying.” Jackson grinned.

Nick held his gaze and continued. “And I know you’re the most loyal friend a guy could have. I know you always make time to listen to me when I need it, and you bring me cups of tea and sandwiches when I get stuck at my desk because of a deadline. I know you cry every time you watch The Lion King. And I know you’ve got a huge heart.”