The Law of Attraction

Alec drew in a deep breath, filling his lungs as he gathered his courage. “Yes.” He stood. “Yes, I am.”

“You’ll want to be on your own with them for this, I presume? I’ll take Serena out for a stroll around the garden while you talk to them.”

“Thanks. I don’t think I need an audience.”

His palms were already sweating at the prospect, but what was the worst thing that could happen? As he and Caspar had joked earlier, being cut out of the will was the only leverage his father really had, and Alec didn’t need his money.

Alec knew his fears had nothing to do with money or wills. He’d spent so many years trying to erase the memory of disgust and disapproval on his father’s face, and his fear of seeing that again was what had kept him locked in the closet ever since he was a teenager. But he couldn’t bear to stay there anymore. Coming out couldn’t be any worse than living half a life, denying himself a chance at happiness.

Alec and Caspar found their parents and Serena poring over old photos in the back living room. His father had been drawn into reminiscing too, and they were chuckling over a studio posed photograph of Alec and Caspar aged around six and eight years old. Caspar was smiling beautifully at the camera, but Alec’s face was utterly serious.

“The poor photographer tried everything to get you to smile, Alec,” his mother said as he came to stand behind the sofa so he could look over her shoulder. “But you wouldn’t.”

“I remember,” he said, managing a tight smile now, unlike his eight-year-old self. “He kept telling me jokes, but they weren’t funny. He gave up in the end.”

“Serena,” Caspar took her arm. “Do you fancy some fresh air? I’d like to show you the gardens.”

“Oh, yes. Of course.” Serena looked a little surprised to be whisked away so abruptly, but she didn’t question it.

Once they had gone, Alec’s mother started to tidy up the photo albums.

Alec couldn’t bear to wait another second. “Mother, can you leave those for a moment? I need to talk to you both.”

Something in his tone made his mother stop immediately. She froze, the pile of albums in her arms.

Alec took them from her and placed them back on the coffee table. “Sit down,” he said.

She sat down next to his father, who raised his eyebrows. “Well?” he prompted. “Please don’t tell me you’ve got some girl knocked up too. One surprise grandchild is enough for one day.”

Alec laughed nervously. He remained standing. “Um, no. Definitely no more surprise grandchildren.” He put his hands in his pockets and clenched his fists, his nails digging into his palms. “I’m gay.” The words weren’t any easier to say for the second time today.

His mother drew in a sharp breath. His father was utterly silent, his face like stone.

“What do you mean, darling?” His mother finally managed, the words tripping out in a babble of confusion. “What about Belinda? You can’t be….” She didn’t even seem to be able to say the word. “I don’t understand.”

Alec felt oddly calm now he was speaking his truth at last. “Belinda and I have only ever been friends.” His voice was strong and sure. “I let you believe it was more because it suited me to have you think we were together. But I’m gay. I always have been, and I always will be. I’ve been hiding it for years, but I’m done with pretending.”

The stones were cast and the glass shattered. Alec couldn’t take the words back now. He found he didn’t want to. He turned his gaze on his father and saw exactly what he’d feared: anger, disgust, disappointment. It was like looking back in time. Only now, Alec wasn’t going to deny anything.

His father finally spoke, his voice hard and cold. “How could you? And why? Why did you lie to us all these years?”

“Why do you think?”

Alec could almost hear the swish of a belt through the air before it made contact. He recalled the biting pain of the leather hitting his bare skin. But instead of the fear and shame he’d felt then, a surge of anger rose in him. The power of it gave him the strength he needed to hold his father’s gaze without flinching.

He’s an old man, Alec told himself. He can’t hurt me now. I’m bigger and stronger than he is. I won’t let him hurt me again.

Alec slipped off his jacket and placed it carefully on the back of a chair. Holding his father’s gaze, he took off his tie and started to undo the buttons of his shirt.

“What are you doing?” His mother’s voice rose, she turned to her husband. “What’s he doing, Giles?”

Alec and his father ignored her, their gazes locked, until Alec shrugged out of his shirt and turned around.