Trust Me (Rough Love 3)

Even now, she’d gone back to clutching the sheets. This wasn’t easy for her, not the pain, not the guilt, not the humiliation, but she put up with it because that was the price of being with me. I’d grasped her collar and asked Are you done with me? And my lovely slave had burst into tears and said No, Sir. Of course not.

Of course not, Chere. Of course we’ll never be done with each other. Even after you’ve had enough of this pain and you finally, wisely, leave me, I’ll still love you. I’ll still remember these times when you gave everything to me and let me bask in it afterward, staring at your hurting, exposed body.

I wondered what she was thinking as I watched her relax by slow degrees. Very slow degrees. Had she come to some place of peace with what she’d done, and what I’d done, and this fucked up dynamic between us that was probably just as bad for her as her relationship with Simon?

No, it wasn’t as bad. He hadn’t loved her, and I loved her. He hadn’t protected her, and I protected her from whatever I could, even if my methods were questionable or suffocating.

Are you done with me?

No, Sir. Of course not.

After too long a time, I went over and rubbed her back, and squeezed her welted ass again. I knew it hurt her, but I couldn’t resist, and she was sub-spacey, floating in the peace that eluded her while the punishment was going on. I helped her from the bed and ran a bath for us, and soaked with her in the tub, to the scented pleasure of the hotel’s artisanal soaps. I left her collar draped over the side, a memory and a reminder. There were no words to say, no big rehashing or lectures. The punishment was over. Now it was just her warm skin against mine, and her cheek resting against my chest.

Afterward, I put the sheets and pillows to rights while she dried off, and then we crawled into bed together. At home, I would have made her sleep in another room to complete her punishment, but here, in this busy, foreign hotel, I wanted her at my side.

I held her close and thought Mine, you’re mine. Mine, mine, mine. I’d thought that as I whipped her. I’d thought it as I buried myself in her ass and squeezed her neck. Tomorrow, maybe, I’d be gentle with her, just a little bit gentle. She might enjoy it. I might enjoy it for as long as the feeling lasted. No matter how gentle I tried to be, we always ended up in a fever pitch.

“Price?”

Her soft voice was a magic spell in the darkness.

“Price?” she asked again. “Are you awake?”

“Yes.”

“Can I tell you something? Something about what happened today?”

“Yes.”

I heard a soft sigh. “I wanted to tell you I’m sorry. I don’t feel anything for Simon anymore, I swear. Today was just…archaeology.”

I rested my chin on her hair. “I know. It’s still dangerous.” I twisted one of her curls around my finger. “You remember how it was. Your past…”

“I hated my past,” she whispered, so low I could barely hear her. “I wish I could erase my entire history.”

I knew she felt that way, and I’d thrown it in her face anyway. I’d done it to hurt her as much as she hurt me. Sometimes sadists sucked.

“Chere, I’m sorry about…” My throat went tight. I wasn’t one for apologies. “I’m sorry I said that about your dirty money. That was shitty of me. Hypocritical.”

She gave a quiet, hurting laugh, which made me feel shittier, which was exactly what I deserved. “Well, you just told the truth, right?”

“Your past is your past.” My voice had turned gruff. “I don’t blame you for your past, but I have a problem with you romanticizing it. Longing for it.”

“I don’t long for it. I cried today because I felt sad. The memories are sad. The regrets…”

“We all have regrets.”

Jesus, I had a million regrets. Everything before Chere was a series of regrets. If she left… I couldn’t imagine the regrets I’d wrestle with then. I don’t want you to leave. Mine, mine, mine. I want you in my dungeon, my captive in a tower. Don’t leave.

“What do you regret?” she asked, snuggling closer to me. “Your life seems perfect.”

That comment proved how little she knew me. I supposed that was my fault. I hadn’t exactly let her into my heart, even if I’d let her into my life. From the outside, I must have seemed like the luckiest man alive, the richest, the most successful.

“I regret that I waited so long to help you when you were with Simon,” I said. “That’s one regret I’ll live with forever.”

She made a dismissive sound and slid her arms around my neck. “Don’t have regrets about that. Everything you did afterward should cancel them out.”