Hard Limit (St. Louis Mavericks 2)

“That sounds intriguing. Can you give us a hint?”

I chuckled. “Well, I loved combining the modeling world with the business world, so even though I sold Sheri Lee, I have a bigger, more innovative idea that I’ll tell you about in January. Promise. First, I want to get through the holidays.”

“What are you doing for the holidays now that you’re officially divorced?”

“I’m spending them with my mom and my boyfriend, Lars.”

“Now, you’re talking about Lars Jansson, right? From the Mavericks?”

I gave her a playful grin. “I am.”

“And how’s that going?”

“Great! We’re going to start house hunting soon, but he really doesn’t like it when I talk about him, so I won’t.” I gazed over to where he and Wes were hanging out. He’d said he wanted to be close by, just in case I got nervous, and though it wasn’t necessary, it was still sweet. Lars winked at me and I smiled back.

“Sheridan, I wanted to ask you about the now infamous video. You said you wanted to give your side of the story, so I’m going to let you do that.”

“Well…” I’d thought long and hard about what I wanted to say, but decided honesty was the best policy. “I’ve always been heavy. So when my ex-husband, Hugh, started coming around, he was four years older than me, and handsome back then, so I was flattered. There weren’t a lot of plus-size modeling gigs back then, which was nearly fourteen years ago now, when I was fifteen. So I kept getting rejected, agencies telling me I had a beautiful face but I needed to lose weight. Hugh would berate me, put me on diets, tease me, do all kinds of hurtful things. But then he’d tell me he loved me, and I believed him.”

“I’m sorry,” Hadley said quietly. “You were so young.”

“Yes. I was sixteen when he recorded that first video. He brought his friends around and…” I took a breath, glancing over at Lars, who was watching me intently.

“It’s okay,” he mouthed. “I love you.”

I gave him a tremulous smile before turning back to Hadley. “He convinced me that porn was the only way I would ever be a star, so I had to practice. He was the only guy I’d ever been with and I guess I was a little brainwashed, you know? I was sure I was too fat to ever amount to anything, so I did the things he asked me to do. With his friends. Sometimes with strangers. Never intercourse, but everything else, and that’s how he got me. He’d say that intercourse was just for him, since he was the first and would be the only. I feel so ashamed that I let him talk me into doing those things, even now that I know what a manipulative, predatory bastard he is, but I let my insecurity about my weight guide my self-worth.”

“You have nothing to be ashamed of,” Hadley said. “You were young, and he was a sexual predator.”

“He was. And that’s my message to all the women listening—young or old—be true to yourself. Don’t base your worth on a man or society’s version of attractiveness. Be who you are. Because even at my weight, with all my insecurities, big modeling agencies did come calling. I’m known all over the world for being a beautiful, full-figured woman, and I’m not the only one.”

“Have you ever considered mentoring other young women like yourself?”

“I have and I will again once I get my new business off the ground. The modeling world is treacherous, it really is, and if I can save even one young model the agony I’ve gone through, it’ll be worth it.”

“Do you have a message to young models, and aspiring models, who are listening?”

“Whether you’re plus size or double zero, or anywhere in between, make sure you don’t sign anything until your own lawyer looks at it. If you’re involved with your manager or agent—and I can’t say don’t do it because there are good people out there too—make sure you still have a little separation. Just in case. Prenups, stuff like that. You don’t want to go through the divorce battle I just got through.”

“Can you talk about that?”

I chuckled. “I really don’t ever want to say my ex’s name again, but it took me more than two years to get him to sign the papers. I’d been with him since I was fifteen, married since I was eighteen, and I trusted him implicitly. Be careful out there, ladies, because there are predators.”

“As the mom of a little girl, your words hit me right between the eyes,” Hadley said. “She’s only four but I can’t imagine watching my teenage daughter go through what you went through.”

“And that’s the thing—they make you so dependent on them, on their praise, their love, their touch—you lie to protect them. I know if I ever have a little girl, I’m going to watch her like a hawk when it comes to those kinds of things.”