Deviant

My head went back as I ground my cock into her, making sure to press her clit beneath my pelvis. Her spasms set off an avalanche and I shot a fuck load of seed inside her.

I blew off everything else and spent the day in her, on her, over her. She was a sore pitiful mess by the end of the night, but I couldn’t resist turning to her time and again. The way she clung to me, held onto me each time as if afraid I’d let go had my heart cracking open just a little. That’s why she had to go.

But the one and only time I really truly made love to her. That soft shit where you’re whispering and shit and you realize for the first time that you’re not just spewing fuckery to get in the pussy, your dick stays hard because he knows he’s found his fuck mate, was that last night we spent together.

That night was the worse fucking night of my life. That’s the night I stayed up watching over her and trying to convince myself that it was okay to renege on the deal. But years of ingrained morals hadn’t let me. I couldn’t go against who I was, no matter how I wanted to; no matter how it was killing me inside.

In the morning I’d taken her back and never looked back, I couldn’t. Though in the back of my mind I’d been hoping, praying; wishing. Wishing that she’d be the one to stay. That she’d tell me she didn’t want to leave me.

But that’s not the way that day ended and I’d walked away feeling like I’d gotten the worst part of the deal. Dad wasn’t coming back no matter what I did, and I’d lost the first thing that had meant anything to me in too long to remember.

I haven’t had any dealings with her old man since the drop off. But I knew he hated me and I hated his guts, nothing was ever gonna change about that. And since she was his kid I figured he’d move heaven and earth to keep us apart. And that’s the shit that scared the fuck outta me. Now here we are.

* * *

AVA

* * *

What am I gonna do what am I gonna do what am I gonna do? I stared down at the page not seeing the words that were written there. My body had become numb ever since the pregnancy test but my mind wouldn’t shut off. I am so fucked.

My hand went to my tummy where the little seed was already growing, his seed. Even now weeks later I still blush at the memories of our time together. And not just the beginning when I didn’t know the truth either, but all of it.

But now those memories are tinged with fear. I’ve really done it now. Pregnant and alone! I’d cut all ties with dad a few days after Damien released me, sent me away. That was the day I asked him point blank how he could’ve done the things he’d been accused of.

Of course by that time I had already begun to believe Damien’s version of events and I’d approached dad as though I knew for a surety that he’d defrauded Damien’s dad.

Believing that his enemy had indeed shared all with me, he’d admitted to everything, but the kicker was when he’d tried to convince me that it was all for me, for my future. I was already feeling raw and confused over my time with Damien. I was ashamed of the fact that I’d fallen in love with my captor when I should hate him for what he’d done.

I read everything I could get my hands on looking for an explanation. At first I thought it was Stockholm syndrome and I’m sure every psychiatrist worth his or her salt would’ve labeled it that, but somehow I wasn’t buying it.

I craved him like a drug. Being apart from him was like leaving a limb behind and the pain of not being close to him, not seeing him every day, being with him, was unbearable.

I would never have believed after overhearing that conversation that things would turn out this way. Would never have guessed that I could be that forgiving in a situation like that. I’m still not sure what it is about him that had made me start believing in him again.

At first I thought he was just a lying criminal who had some sort of beef with my dad and was trying to muscle him into doing his bidding by using me. But I had a hard time comparing the man I’d met that first time with the man I’d come to see him as.

As time went by and I watched him, I got the sense that he wasn’t the monster I’d come to see him as, that he was more like the man I first believed him to be.