Hold on to Hope

Last thing I needed was for her to rub it in.

“And you’re just trying to live in the delusions you’ve been living in for your whole life. Sweet Pea Frankie Leigh and her fantasies. Only this one is straight-up ridiculous. You’re really gonna stand there and deny it?”

Sadness billowed through my being, and I tried to swallow around the lump. “You’re right. Maybe it is time I finally stopped living in a fantasy world. Maybe it’s time I accepted that Evan is my best friend and that was all he was ever meant to be.”

Maybe then we could figure out how to get back there. To the days when our trust was bigger than the worries of our world. When our friendship could conquer all.

Carly laughed.

Loud.

This cackling sound that rattled against the kitchen cabinets.

“Are you hearing this?” she asked Josiah in exaggerated disbelief.

“Loud and clear, Nutter Butter.”

“You should have seen her face when Evan walked through that door.” She hummed in some kind of morbid satisfaction because her mind going that way was nothing but sadistic.

Like she was taking some kind of joy in causing me more pain.

“This isn’t funny, Carly,” I told her, voice starting to tremble.

She frowned in true sympathy. “Nope. It’s not. But you claiming that Evan isn’t your soul mate is damned near hysterical.”

My heart clutched all over the place, then it was tipping out onto the ground when I heard the knuckles rapping at the door.

Milo started barking like mad, scrambled to get on his feet, and trotted for the door.

“Damn it,” I managed to mutter.

Carly smirked. Josiah laughed under his breath.

“That should tell you something right there.” She pointed toward the door.

I scowled at her from over my shoulder.

She sure wasn’t gonna make this any easier, was she?

I crossed the small living space to the door, and I worked through the lock, cracking it open and praying I could act like a normal person and not some crazy loon who was gettin’ ready to lose her mind.

Heart had gone missin’ a long time ago, so I guessed the ailment was fitting.

Jack was on the other side, like I’d known he would be, all dark brown hair and thick beard and tattooed sleeves.

“Hey,” he said in his casual way.

“Hi,” I mumbled. Even that one word felt like a lie.

Jack frowned. “Bad day?”

“You could say that.”

“She’s spun-up because her best friend, Evan, is back,” Carly shouted from the kitchen.

I was going to throttle her.

Jack frowned. “Evan?”

I forced a bright smile. “Yep. Remember I told you about him?”

Only I’d barely mentioned him. Unable to speak his name, to confess what he’d meant to me.

“Guy you’d told me about who took off? The deaf one?” Jack’s voice was edged with hardness.

I tried my best not to throw the defensiveness I felt right back, wishing that I’d never said a word at all. “That’s him.”

“What is he doing back?”

I shrugged like it didn’t matter. “Who knows.”

Could see he was getting ready to ask more questions, so I cut him off. “You’d better get in here. Dinner is almost finished. I bet you’re starving.”

Six

Evan

Night clung to the walls of my old childhood bedroom.

A palpable quiet echoed through the space. Stagnant and constricting. Like maybe the air had gotten caught up in a bad dream.

Held in a single moment of the night that threatened to go on forever.

It only amplified the silence that screamed through my mind.

A flood of fear. A torrent of confusion.

All of it tumbled and mashed and taunted.

Made me feel like my flesh was suddenly two sizes too small, and I was getting ready to split apart.

I stared at the ceiling, roughing a hand over my face, wondering what the fuck I was going to do.

The darkened expanse was only illuminated by a thin stream of moonlight that streaked through the break in the curtains and landed on one side of the room.

A spotlight directed at the one thing that was important.

What had brought me back to Gingham Lakes, though I had to wonder if I wasn’t getting drawn back here all along.

The glow struck down on the spot where we’d placed Charlotte’s old crib that Dad had brought up from where it’d been stored in the shed out back.

It was the spot where my son now slept.

Didn’t matter the overwhelming distress and concern that had radiated from Dad.

Slowed his movements and sent his eyes constantly slanting toward me.

He’d stayed there. Helped me put it together the first day when I’d gotten back.

He’d always promised he would support me no matter the situation. Maybe that’s why I’d had to go. Completely remove myself because they would never make that decision themselves.

Selfless.

Dread chugged through my veins when I thought about what I might have gotten them into this time, yet I knew I was willing to take the risk, anyway, because how could I not?