Hold on to Hope

Josiah made the last turn into our neighborhood. The only sound in the SUV was the drone of the engine and Milo’s whine, my boy sensing my distress. We made the left into the open lot in front of our duplex. Josiah pulled beside my car that was parked in front of our porch.

Somberly, we all piled out. Morning light spilled down, bright and hot and drenching my back in a slick of sweat.

Or maybe the dread was giving me a heatstroke.

Milo hobbled out, and I gave him a pet, angled my head at Carly in a plea. “Can you take him inside, please?”

She gave me a look of knowing sympathy before she whistled low and patted her thigh. “Come on, Milo Boy. Let’s get you inside where it’s cool.”

No one even bothered to get anything out of the back. Josiah and Carly headed up the two short steps, and Josiah unlocked our door.

Milo was reluctant, looking back at me from the top of the steps. He finally gave in when Carly called him again.

The door slowly closed behind them, and I stood there facing away from the hostility that filled the air. I hugged my arms over my chest and fought the tears because this was not the time to be feeling sorry for myself.

This was my wrong.

Something I should have ended a long time ago.

Hell, I never should have let it get started in the first place.

But sometimes when you’re just trying to survive, you’ll do anything to make yourself feel normal. Do anything to fill up the vacant spaces. The best of intentions that time only proved faulty.

“Fuckin’ knew it.”

Anxiety flared, and I slowly turned around, knowing it was time to at least face one issue in my life.

Before I could get anything out, Jack cocked his head, rage seeping from his flesh as he fisted his hands. “Thought you said he was only your friend? Isn’t that what you told me, Frankie? The boy you grew up with that you used to play fuckin’ dolls and house and shit with?”

It was all a disgusted accusation.

I blinked. Those tears I’d been trying to hold back fell without permission. I sniffled and Jack laughed a disbelieving sound. “Knew that prick wanted you the second I saw him. Bastard thinking he could steal you away from me. Tell me he didn’t touch you last night. I’ll rip his goddamn hands off and then we’ll see how much he likes making a fool out of me talking that bullshit language behind my back.”

I winced. “Wow, Jack, that’s awesome. Make light of his deafness. That’s big of you.”

I got it. He was pissed and I deserved it. That didn’t mean I wasn’t feeling defensive.

Protective over Evan. Over who we had been. Jack could never understand it, that kind of connection, especially when he and I hadn’t come close to sharing it.

He’d asked me out to dinner one night, and I’d agreed. Lonely. Hoping to fill a little of the hollowness. We’d basically fallen into a routine, the emotion so thin that I doubted there was a day that we’d ever been real.

I should have stopped it before it started, but here we were.

Even if I never saw Evan again, I was ending this now like I should have done a long time ago.

Yeah, life was riddled with mistakes. Most of the ones I’d made I would take back if I could.

All except for the one I’d made by falling in love with Evan Bryant.

“I asked you a question, Frankie.” Anger dripped from his words, a venom unlike anything I’d heard from Jack before.

Discomfort roiled.

That dread growing to something that almost resembled fear.

“It doesn’t matter,” I choked out.

His brow curled in disbelief. “It doesn’t matter? It doesn’t fucking matter? The way he was looking at you looked like it mattered a whole lot to me, Frankie. I’m not a fucking fool. I know you were out there with him last night.”

I hugged myself tighter in an attempt to hold it together. “He’s my best friend,” I whispered, hoping he could feel the meaning of it without my having to say it aloud.

That just seemed unnecessarily cruel.

Jack nodded, voice close to taunting. “Best friend. So, nothing has ever happened between you two?”

My mouth grew dry, and I swallowed hard.

He laughed again.

Dark and disturbed.

Then he was in my face, making the demand. “Did you let that freak fuck you?”

Freak?

Revulsion flowed free. I couldn’t believe he would say something like that. Be so callous. But I guessed that’s what happened when I went and got myself into all sorts of trouble again.

Consequences unexpected and unfair.

I probably should accept it, but there was no chance I was going to stand there and let Jack spew that kind of hate.

I rasped out a sound of disbelief. “Did I let that freak fuck me?”