Hold on to Hope

Redness streaked. Heat rising fast. Wondering what that might be like. To wake up in this boy’s arms each day. God, how badly had I wanted that? Dreamed of it for all my life?

I needed to tamp that down before I got ahead of myself.

Me: Kinda?

All right, so I couldn’t help the tease.

Took all of two seconds for him to respond.

Evan: Getting to touch you is the best feeling in the world, Frankie Leigh. You touching me? That’s a fucking miracle.

My grin was getting ridiculous as I peeked around, being sly as I tapped out a response.

Me: I am pretty amazing, aren’t I?

A string of texts started bleeping through.

Evan: Spectacular. Breathtaking. Sexy as fuck.

Evan: Glittery.

Evan: So damn sweet.

Oh God.

My belly was flip-flopping with those feelings I hadn’t come close to forgettin’, but had come to the acceptance that they were just something that were going to be missing from my life.

Another message came through.

Evan: You need more?

I could feel his amusement from across the space. I loved it more than I wanted to admit.

Me: Well, it doesn’t hurt.

Evan: Don’t ever want it to hurt.

I sighed a little. Could it really be that easy? Could he just come back here and we could pick up right where we left off? Could I forget three years of hurt and worry and torment? Most of all, could I be certain that he wouldn’t regress into that boy who I’d hardly recognized?

Although, if I were being honest, if I looked hard enough, the warnings were there. The way he’d go far away.

Distressed and disturbed.

The overwhelming weight of the burden he’d carried.

I just wished he would have understood that I wanted to carry some of it, too. Hold it for him. Hold his hope and his faith and his fear.

That way, both of us would know we were never alone.

I guessed that was what made me the most hesitant.

I glanced over at Aunt Hope who I could feel peeking at me.

I wondered how badly she was experiencing the same fears, too.

Though now, it was multiplied, that little boy suddenly filling up the space and the air and their lives.

I turned away and tapped out a message.

Me: I just don’t know where to go from here, Evan. Only thing I know for certain is I am so thankful that you’re home. So thankful that you have found a reason. You think I’m amazing? That little boy is the miracle.

I did my best to dodge the stake of pain. An arrow impaled at my back. Whispered a thousand prayers for an actual miracle.

That this child would be spared.

Before I completely got lost, I tucked my phone in my back pocket, deciding I’d better get my tail back to work. I was definitely slacking.

Call me distracted.

I checked the displays for what needed to be restocked and pushed back into the kitchen to grab a few things while my phone continued to go off.

Carly pointed at the back of my jeans. “Your butt’s having its own personal dance party. Why do I get the feelin’ only you’re invited? What’s he saying?”

I rolled my eyes. “We were only saying hi. You are so damned nosy.”

“That seems like a whole lot more than just hi. And hello . . .” She gestured at herself. “Being nosy is my job.”

“He was just wondering why I took off this mornin’ without saying goodbye,” I grumbled a little.

“And did you figure that out yet?” she asked as she rinsed a big silver mixing bowl and put it into the dishwasher.

A self-deprecating huff filtered between my lips. “Uh . . . let’s see. I think it goes something like I’m scarred and a little broken and a whole lot chicken.”

Carly scowled. “Chicken? Hardly. I mean, maybe one with its head chopped off half the time,” she razzed, “but you, girl, are no coward. If you’re guilty of anything, it’s self-preservation, and you know full well that’s not even close to being the same thing.”

I started arranging an assortment of cupcakes onto a tray. “Yeah, and what’s it called when you know you want something so bad—when you know it’s right for you—and you’re still afraid to reach out and take it?”

“When it’s already bitten you on the hand? That’s called protectin’ yourself.”

I sent her a scowl. “I thought you were the one who was all about us hookin’ up and putting down money on the fact it was gonna happen? Hell, I’m pretty sure you were pushing me at him the first time he walked through that door.”

“Oh, I’m all for you two. There is no other duo like the duo of Evan and Frankie Leigh. All’s I’m saying is you don’t have to feel bad that you’re having these reservations. That it’s okay to be cautious.”

She eyed me from across the large prep island. “What I want most is for you to demand that the two of you are up front and honest about everything. Things went south real fast when you both started making decisions about what was best for the other without asking the other for their opinion.”