“We should head back,” he said, putting out his cigarette before standing up again. He dropped the butt into his pack, then grabbed a couple pieces of gum. “I think I know what you mean. She didn’t want my view of her to change.”
Exactly.
“That’s fucked up, KC. Life throws us shit that will affect how loved ones see us all the time.”
“Not like that,” I replied firmly. “I’m not delusional. Of course his view of me will change over the years, but there are limits—and I’m glad he wasn’t around to see me hurl my chair across the room and say I was gonna hang myself.”
It hurt just to picture Noa’s reaction. It hurt to plant him in that memory.
I was ready to face whatever the future might throw our way, but I was always going to be relieved he didn’t have that piece of my past in his memories. It was bad enough that Lucian had it. He’d been there every step of the way. He’d been on the receiving end of my midnight suicidal musings, my rage, my fucking despair.
“I can call you crazy,” Lucian said and offered his arm, “and still say I probably would’ve reasoned the same way as you if it’d been me.”
I chuckled, out of breath, and accepted his support.
“Do I smell like smoke?”
I took a whiff and pressed a kiss to his jaw. “Maybe a little.”
“Damn. I’ll take a shower before I go near those two.”
I just shook my head. All three had silly secrets. Lucian didn’t want a soul to know he sometimes enjoyed an after-dinner cigarette. Cameron thought we didn’t know about his mild obsession with Taylor Swift. And Noa…my sweet boy still took all his clothes to a professional cleaner.
“Christ, I need to just throw my ass in bed.” I hissed as the pain in my leg returned with a vengeance, radiating upward to my spine.
“Say the word and we’ll move the bedroom downstairs.”
What? No. Fuck no. “Don’t be stupid.” I was a big fan of the changes we’d made mere days ago. Noa and Cam had said it was time to push our beds together, so that’s what we’d done. Then Lucian and I had called every mattress store in the DMV to find someone who could provide a single mattress to stretch across two beds. It was being delivered next week from a store outside of Baltimore.
“But don’t let me sit down on the couch with the boys when we get back,” I added. “I won’t get up again.”
He chuckled. “I’ll make sure you march straight to bed.”
No joke. Tomorrow was gonna be taxing. Thankfully, I only had two meetings at work, and then I was done for three days. But the event was important to me. I wanted to make sure Noa didn’t miss out on anything.
“Can you tell me anything about the stations for the event?” I wondered. “I’d like to prepare myself as much as possible.”
“Don’t worry about it.” He lifted my arm and kissed my knuckles. “Reese and I planned the order for you and Noa. You’ll be in your chair for all the stations on the second floor, and you’ll come to Cam and me last,” he said. “I’ll keep your braces with me. You’ll probably want them before you head downstairs.”
As much as I hated having to think about this, I was grateful for Lucian’s forethought—and Reese’s. I’d be no good to Noa if I had to call it off halfway through the event.
“Thank you. Are we doing six stations tomorrow and the rest on Saturday, or…?”
“It varies from couple to couple,” he answered. “You and Noa will do five stations tomorrow and seven on Saturday. You listed Noa as good for advanced play, so your stop at Ivy and Beau will be longer—same with a couple others.”
That made sense. I appreciated that they put so much effort into these events, and that it wasn’t all about winning. It was about discovering and exploring new kinks as well as feasting on those fetishes you already loved. In Noa’s case, it was definitely anything that challenged him, which didn’t happen easily. I’d ticked every box that asked for certain levels and degrees.
“I need a moment.” I stopped and leaned against the house wall.
He glanced down. “Your knees are trembling. I’m getting your braces—”
“Wait. I’ll be fine. Just give me a minute.”
He sighed, frustrated with me, and stepped closer. “You are a stubborn fool, KC.”
I let out a breathy laugh. “For a second there, I thought you were gonna bring out all the names.”
Like his grandmother did whenever we visited.
Lucian grinned and felt the need to mimic the old lady. “What is this I see? Oh, Kyle Christian Hayles, I swear you’re nothing but skin and bones!”
I grinned and tugged on his shirt.
He leaned in with a cute smirk and pressed his lips to mine.