Cowboy Up (Lucas Brothers)

“I mean, maybe the reason you couldn’t move on and love Clark like you wanted was because he didn’t let you. He picked other things to devote his time to instead of you and Adam.”

I stop for a second and look down at my hands that are gripping extra tight on the cutting board, my skin turning pale white with the force of my hold on it.

“Maybe I just wasn’t enough for him either, Petal. I wasn’t for your brother.”

“I’m afraid I don’t understand. Surely you can see that he’s obsessed with you, Meadow,” she murmurs, coming to stand beside me.

“Maybe for now,” I allow. “Still, Petal, he broke up with me all those years ago because I wasn’t enough.”

“Meadow—”

“He told me he just needed some time, but he still loved me.”

“That can be perfectly normal, Meadow. You guys got together really young,” she tries to rationalize.

“That’s not what he told—”

I stop. There’s no point in opening old wounds. It’s best to just let it go.

“Not what he told? Do you mean he told someone else differently?”

“Yeah,” I respond. “It’s not important, Petal. The point is I had proof that I wasn’t enough for Blue back then. He’s spent what time I’ve been back in Mason hating me. I can’t imagine I could ever be enough for him now. I’m not the same person, mostly because I feel broken inside,” I tell her, trying to banish the past completely.

I don’t like thinking about it.

“Fair enough, but there is something that you should think about, Meadow.”

“What’s that?”

“You said you weren’t the same person that you were back then, right?”

“Yes…”

“You might want to consider that Blue has changed, too. You guys really were just kids. Look at me and Luka? It took us years to get sorted out, but we have. I can honestly tell you that it is more than worth all the pain. I’d do it all again a million times over if it means I’d still end up with Luka and our beautiful babies.”

“Our histories might be a little different,” I suggest softly.

“Yeah, but maybe the stories can be close to the same,” she says with a smile.

Luckily, the men pick that moment to come in and interrupt us. As much as it’s hard for me to be around Blue, I’m thankful right now.

“Food’s done,” Luka announces, as he carries a platter of hotdogs, and Blue comes behind him with hamburgers.

“That smells good,” Jansen says as he, Ida Sue, and my mom come inside, surprising me.

I smile. Jansen had a ramp that plugs into the hitch of his SUV just so he could haul Mom’s wheelchair. He and Ida Sue both have hearts of gold. Jansen seems Ida Sue’s complete opposite, but the truth is, they were made for one another.

“You guys are late,” Blue says, coming over to where I am standing by the island

I know I shouldn’t stiffen up when he’s next to me, but I can’t help it. I don’t truly know what Blue’s up to, but I can’t help but feel that if it wasn’t for the baby, he wouldn’t be doing any of this. His hand moves to the small of my back, his fingers stretching out over my skin. His palm is pressed flat against my spine. My heart somersaults. I don’t know how to react. I bring my hand up to hold against my collarbone—afraid my heart might just try to jump up and out of me somehow. Blue being this close is like sensation overload.

“We came as soon as we got out. The pastor got a bit longwinded,” Jansen says dryly. Blue leaves to go to the fridge and grabs Jansen a beer. Jansen grabs it, tipping his hat at me. He’s the ultimate old west cowboy. He twists the cap off, before taking a long pull. “Now that hits the spot,” he says. “Meadow, honey, you’re looking beautiful as usual,” he croons. I swear if he was single, I wouldn’t care that he’s old enough to be my father. The man has magnetism. He certainly captured Ida Sue, and I have a feeling that there isn’t a man around but him that could.

“Maybe you should get your glasses checked,” I joke.

He shakes his head. “Have you seen my wife? I know pretty women when I see them,” he says with a wink. “Hey Petal, Luka,” he says going over kiss Petal’s cheek. She hugs him so tight that her eyes close as she does it, and it doesn’t take a genius to tell that she’s breathing him in. For one, he smells good, but it’s also because Petal loves Jansen. All of Ida Sue’s kids do. I really don’t know one person that doesn’t.

“Hey, Dad,” Petal says so quietly that you almost miss it. That’s new. She’s just taken to calling him Dad. I don’t know why, but I can tell that every time she does, Jansen’s face goes soft. As if to prove my point, he kisses her forehead as he lets her go. Then, he does some kind of manly version of a handshake with Luka. I lose sight of them after that because it’s then I notice Ida Sue has been strangely quiet. I know this because I can feel her staring a hole through me.