Say You Swear

It’s not. I know this from experience, but I’d have given anything to have been able to keep her from ever finding out.

Palming my chest, I push off the wall, but I don’t get two feet from it before footsteps fall behind me.

“Where you going?” Mason’s voice follows me farther into the hall. “Why even come if you’re just gonna cut out again?”

“Your mom saw me in the parking lot, asked me to walk her up. I couldn’t say no, but maybe I should have.”

“Why were you in the parking lot?”

I swallow. “Go back in with your family, Mason.”

“You go back in with your family!”

At that, I whip around, ready to tear into him, but the smirk on his lips throws me off.

Of course, it’s only there long enough for that, falling flat in the next second, and that same helplessness eating away at me washes over him. “You’re family, Noah. The minute she decided you were, that’s what you became.” He steps closer. “Don’t leave. She needs you.”

“She doesn’t even know me.”

“You heard her; she remembers everything that happened over summer. It’s everything after her last day there that’s fuzzy for her, but she remembers you.”

I shake my head, a heavy throbbing creeping in.

Goddamn it, why does that almost feel worse?

“She remembers some guy from the beach who she sat and talked to for a minute, just like she remembers being in love with someone else that day. The same someone who she sat in that hospital bed and reached for when the entire room found out she was growing a child inside of her and lost it. Our child, my child that she thinks was his. That she sat and mourned with another man in mind, not me.” A burning sense of torment spreads through me, and I swallow. “I didn’t get to comfort the woman I love after a loss no one should have to face, and I will never forgive myself for that. Ever.”

Grief-stricken, his face scrunches. “That wasn’t on you, Noah.”

“But it will stick with me. Always. Just… go back in there. I know your dad wants to talk with you.”

“Come with me, man. The doc said she linked two traumatizing events, and that’s why her mind jumped backward or some shit, so we need to find a way to help her separate them. I need you there for that. Come back inside.”

The elevator doors open beside us, revealing Brady and Chase.

We stare as Brady steps out, Chase right behind him, a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

A cool current travels through my veins, and my muscles draw up.

“Noah, what the fuck, bro?” Brady comes closer, but Mason holds his hand up, and they pause.

“My parents are in there, go say hi,” he tells them, not looking their way, and with hesitant steps, they do as he says, slowly moving toward the hospital room.

With their every foot forward, a sharp ache picks at my spine.

They slip inside, and I jerk away, unable to stand there and watch as they do the one thing I wish I could.

Just fucking be with her, near her. Anything.

The elevator doors closed again and I can’t wait for it to come back. I head for the stairwell.

“I told her!” Mason shouts before I can disappear.

My body freezes, and the swinging door comes back, almost slapping me in the face. Anger ripples through me, and I glance at him over my shoulder. “What do you mean, you told her?”

Mason looks away and I push closer to him.

“Mason.” I slip into his space, pinning him on the spot.

“She knows the baby wasn’t his.”

Swear to God something cracks inside me. “Do not mess with me on this.”

“Why would I?” He presses right back but softens after a few seconds. “I made that one point clear, but I didn’t spell out anything else.”

My hands find my hips, my cheeks filling with air as I look off. Biting my tongue, as I fight from breaking down.

“I don’t know what to do. I need her to know she’s not alone,” he stresses.

Knots form in my stomach. “She’s not. Ever.”

“I know.” His tone is low, understanding. “Noah, she’s bound to ask questions, and as much as I hate to admit it, I’m not sure I have all the right answers. Please, help her remember.”

My pulse flips, tightening my tendons. “If she doesn’t?”

“Then fuck remembering.”

A scoffed laugh leaves me, and a small grin slips over his lips.

“She fell for you once, right?” He shrugs one shoulder. “Give her the chance to do it again.”

Swallowing my fears, I ask the question that’s been haunting me. “And what if she doesn’t want to?”

Mason tips his head. “Come on now. This is Ari we’re talking about. She’s still her and you’re still you.” When I hesitate too long for him, his features pull. “Noah please. I need to know she’s going to be okay, and the way I see it, she can’t be if she’s not with you.”