Pieces of Us (Confessions of the Heart 3)

That unsettled, sticky feeling hitting me in waves.

“Looks to me like you and Jace might have yourselves a new partner.”

Ian watched as the door stopped its slow swing and fell completely still. “Kid blows my mind. Did we think about stuff like that when we were his age?” he asked as he angled his attention back to me.

A snort blew through my nose. “Hell, no. Pretty sure the only thing either of us were thinking about at that age was the next thing we might be able to swipe without someone noticing or what girl would be game to let us touch their tits.”

“If I was my kid, I’d kick my own ass.” He laughed out a subdued sound, wonder filling his tone. “It was different back then, yeah?”

I shrugged, hating the heaviness that came rushing in, the weight of the reality of this world that could never be outrun. “It’s different for them, Ian. Different because you and Grace work hard to give them a good life. Because you love them more than anything else. Put them first. Not everyone gets that. These kids are damned lucky to have you. To have both of you.”

Pain leached into my chest.

Ian, Jace, and I had been bred into that kind of life. Their mom an addict. My dad a low-life thief. At least Megan Jacobs had good inside of her. The willingness to sacrifice.

If only my father would have possessed a sliver of those qualities.

Shouldn’t even have let that asshole get into my head because the second I did, all I could see was the heartbreak written all over Izzy the last time I’d seen her before she’d left town.

That striking, unforgettable face flashed through my mind, moving through me like a reel of time.

Progressing.

Now and then.

The girl so pretty I felt her like a punch to the gut. Her face and that smile and that body.

There was no forgetting her belief in me that I could be something better than my circumstances. She’d never given up on me no matter how hard I’d tried to keep her at a distance. Arm’s length.

It was when I’d started taking her into my arms that everything had gone to shit.

A pang of agony rattled my ribs, this choked sensation that was suddenly constricting the flow of air. Because all of it suddenly felt like too much.

The grief and the worry and the pain.

The regret.

The fear that I would never outrun myself. That I’d get sucked into that black, vapid hole, become the man I’d been bred to be.

Ian caught it.

But what did I expect? The guy knew me better than anyone else.

“What was that?” he asked, speculation written all over him.

Needing support, my hands curled around the counter. “No clue what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t bullshit me, man. You think I didn’t just see that . . . that thing go down in your head?”

He kept Collin nestled in the crook of one arm, the other coming to his head where he made a little exploding motion, replete with sound effects. “Looked like a bomb just detonated in that tiny brain of yours. Now you’re as white as a ghost. You working on something shady that has you on edge?”

“I’m always working on something shady.”

It was the truth.

“True,” he said. “Then why don’t you tell me what the hell that was.”

“It wasn’t—”

“Don’t even say it was nothing. You think I can’t read you?”

Heaving out the breath I’d been holding, I scrubbed both palms over my face. Thinking it might perk me up. Get the blood flowing.

Problem was, the blood was flowing too hard. Sloshing and sliding and thumping.

Groaning, I dropped my hands. Might as well fess it up because the asshole wouldn’t stop until he pried it out of me, anyway. Not sure I could keep this from him.

“Might have seen a ghost,” I admitted, attention dropping to my boots. “At the grocery store.”

Could sense his brows knitting up, the confusion riding free as he cocked his head to the side.

Slowly, I lifted my eyes.

One look at me, and his expression paled in realization.

No doubt, my face was a mask of fury and guilt and regret.

“Izzy?” he chanced.

Izzy.

Isabel.

“Yeah.” I shrugged like it was nothing when it was everything.

“How is she?” he asked, tone wary, like he was wondering at which point it was going to push me over the edge.

Too bad I was already there.

“No clue, man. She took off before I got the chance to really talk to her.” I paused, squeezing my eyes shut before I harshly shook my head. Needing to scrape this feeling from my consciousness. “It was for the best, anyway. Better to leave it alone.”

Easier said than done. Because that selfish, greedy side of myself wanted to hunt her down.

Find her.

Keep her.

Take her the way I used to.

But she no longer belonged to me. I’d been cruel enough to make sure that she never would.