With Every Heartbeat (Forbidden Men 4)

I was still sitting on the bench where I collapsed after Quinn left me, numb and alone in the dark, when a panting Ten raced up.

“There you are.” Breathless, he paused to rest his hands on his knees. “Where’s Ham? Did he already go after Belcher?”

I shook my head. “No. I didn’t tell him about Belcher.”

“What?” Ten straightened and glanced around. “Then what the hell did you tell him? Where is he?”

“I didn’t tell him anything except that he was wrong, that you and I didn’t…that we didn’t do anything.”

Ten shook his head, confused. “I don’t get it. Why the fuck didn’t you tell him about Belcher?”

I wasn’t too sure why myself. “I don’t know. I wanted him to believe me without telling him everything.” I looked up at Ten, feeling lost. “He said he believed me, but I don’t think he really did. He broke up with me, saying he needed time, and then he left.” Everything inside me felt as if it was crumbling. “Why didn’t he believe me?”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Blondie.” Ten groaned and covered his face. “Why do you think he couldn’t believe you? Cora put him through such a mind fuck, he doesn’t even know if he should believe his own bladder about whether he has to take a piss or not.”

I shuddered and held myself a little harder. “Maybe he was right then. Maybe he does need time and space. Maybe he needs to heal from her before he can move on with anyone else. You said yourself that he shouldn’t rebound right back into a committed relationship.”

“I said...” He shook his head as if boggled. Then he exploded, “I wasn’t talking about you when I said that shit. I was talking about some other nameless-faceless stupid replica of Whora. I thought he was still respectfully staying away from you when I said that. Fuck, I never would’ve...not if I’d known you two were...shit, you two are meant to be together. I don’t care if it happened at the worst time ever for you guys. You just...you’re two halves of a whole. He comes alive when you’re around, he gains confidence, grows happy. You just...damn it. You two weren’t ever supposed to break up.”

My shoulders heaving with pain, I started to cry again. I couldn’t hold the tears in, no matter how hard I tried. I shook from head to toe and cried harder the more I tried to stop.

Ten sighed. “Come on,” he murmured. When he grasped my arm, right at a tender spot that Belcher had bruised earlier, I gasped and wrenched away, cowering from him without meaning to.

“Shit. Sorry.” He lifted his hands and took a step back. “Okay, fine. I’ll just stay over here, then. Can you stand on your own and walk?”

With a nod, I pushed to my feet. My legs felt shaky, but I managed. Ten stayed at least five feet away at all times. If I wasn’t such a mess, I’d probably think it was funny how much a person could hover from so far away. But he kept pace with me and sent me a worried glance every time I winced.

When we reached his truck, I faltered. I knew I could trust him, but I really didn’t want to be enclosed alone with anyone. Not right now. “My car’s over there,” I started, but he shook his head.

“We’ll get your car later. You’re in no condition to drive. Now get in.”

My nerves wrenched with fear, but I followed his instruction. “I don’t want to go back to my apartment.”

“Well, good. I wasn’t planning on taking you there.”

I nodded. I didn’t care where we went from there. I just wanted to get out of here.

Blondie was passed out in the passenger seat when I parked in front of my and Ham’s building. I hoped like hell he was home so he could take over babysitting duty, because this shit was freaking me out.

She looked so scared and small, helplessness ripped through me. I hated not being able to do anything for her, and I wanted to be anywhere else in the world. Ham’s woman already stirred up too many memories in me of someone else, someone precious, who’d been hurt, someone I had also been helpless to help.

I gulped and shook my head, shoving those memories down. I would’ve carried Blondie up to our place, but I didn’t want to scare her in case she woke to me touching her. So I nudged her knee until she stirred.

“Can you still walk?”

She rubbed her bleary eyes and nodded. Without a word, she followed me up to my door. When I unlocked it and let her in ahead of me, she paused, looking worried before she entered.

“Hamilton?” I called as soon as we were inside.

No answer.

Shit.

I swear, Blondie looked relieved though. “C-can I use your shower?” Her voice was so small, making me wish I would’ve hit Belcher a few times before letting him go tonight after all.

Since she knew her way around, I just pointed her down the hall. “I’ll get you something to change into.”

After she hurried away, clutching her shirt to her chest, I went into Ham’s room and found a shirt and sweatpants for her. The water was running when I inched open the door and laid the clothes on the edge of the sink’s counter for her to find. Then I retreated to the front room to pace.