The Uncertain Scientist (The Lost Planet 4)

“She belongs with her family, with you.”

“I’ve made up my mind,” I say firmly, even though it feels like the slightest provocation will shatter what little strong will I’ve scraped together.

It’s been a few days since I brought Sareth into this world and I thought time would help ease the ache of her loss, but instead, the gaping wound seems to grow the longer I’m away from her—from them. Physically, I’m healing fine, better than fine, really. Probably because the pain in my heart hurts so much worse than childbirth ever could. My breasts are still full of milk, and up until now, I’ve been pumping to feed Sareth using Avrell’s suctionette tool. Once I leave, Emery has vowed to nurse both babies in my absence. My heart throbs constantly, but I’ve made my choice.

“I think you’re making a mistake. Listen to the advice of someone who made mistakes he sorely regrets. You shouldn’t go.”

I swallow around the lump in my throat. “I’m sorry, Avrell. But I have to. If Jareth and Sayer can understand my decision, then so can everyone else.”

In fact, they hadn’t come to me once to try and talk me out of leaving. I’ll admit I’m surprised. I kind of hoped they would try to talk me out of it. Not that it would change my mind. It would have just made me feel better—not so alone—about leaving.

Except they never came.

“I hope you’ll give it some more thought,” he says, but I can tell by the tone of his voice that he already knows I’ve made up my mind.

“Thank you for checking on me, Avrell.”

“I’ll be at the ship to see you off, even if I don’t agree with what you’re doing.”

I wipe at my nose as it begins to run. Damn postpartum hormones. I’m not sure if I’m going to make it through leaving without breaking down, but I’m going to try. I sent Jareth and Sayer a message via Uvie warning them, pleading, really, to keep Sareth away so I don’t completely lose it. I can only hope they’ll take pity on me and heed my wishes.

A knock comes and I heave a breath. “Avrell, I said I already made up my mind.” My voice breaks. “Please don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

“Is this a bad time?”

“Aria!” I try to back away from the door, but I’m right by the bed, so there’s nowhere to go. The mattress presses into the backs of my knees and they buckle. I plop down on the bed with an unladylike thump, wincing because I’m still sore from giving birth. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to check on you.”

Well, that was the last thing I expected her to say. “Why?” I ask slowly, drawing the word out.

“To make sure you were doing okay.”

“I’m fine.” I shove to my feet. All I wanted was her and Molly’s approval, but now, I need to leave before I beg her to forgive me so I can stay.

“I wouldn’t be fine.” I hear her steps come closer and my muscles clench in preparation to…I don’t know what, but having her here is making the guilt come back triple-fold. I wish they’d just let me leave so I can make it all right. “I was holding my baby boy after seeing your sweet girl and I realized what I’m asking of you, expecting of you, isn’t fair. I remember what it was like waking up in this place, wanting to leave, hating them for keeping me here. I wasn’t fair to you.”

When I look up, I find her bouncing her son as he slumbers on her chest. A wounded howl rises in my chest, but I hold it back. “You were right to say what you said. If I had any family, I would have done the same.”

She comes closer, takes my elbow, and we both sit on the bed. I don’t know if it’s the hormones or the emotions from leaving, but I swear I can smell the baby scent when she pulls me into a one-armed hug. It nearly kills what little resolve I have after Avrell. As soon as I can, I pull free and give her a quick humorless smile.

“You do have a family,” Aria says gently. “You’re part of our family. I was too angry and scared when I heard about Limerick to remember that and for that I’m sorry. As Breccan’s mate it’s my duty to be selfless to a degree, to put the humans’ needs first. And I failed you in that regard.”

“You didn’t. You were upset. I understand.”

She nods. “I was, I’ll admit, but that doesn’t give me the right to forget where you came from and the circumstances about how you got here.”

“Forget about it. I’m going to make sure we get Limerick back as soon as possible. And Willow.”