Christmas Sugar (Insta-Spark)

“Why?”

“He has to go home.”

She looked up at me, bewildered. “Why?” she whispered. “You tay hewe.”

“I have work to do. I have to go.”

“Oh.” She huffed. “Otay. You come back, den. We read Thanta’s Magic afta.”

I opened my mouth, but Alex mouthed “no.” Instead, I dropped a kiss to Noelle’s forehead. “You be good for Mommy, Noelle.”

She nodded. “I will be.”

Alex stood. “Bedtime, little girl.”

Noelle looked at me, her eyes sad. “Come back fathst, Dywan. I miss you too much!” Then she pressed her lips to my cheek and hopped off my knee, taking Alex’s hand.

I watched her walk away, that odd sensation in my chest swelling—again.

I seriously needed to see the doctor.

Alex came to me in the dark of the night, slipping into my bed, her warm body melting into mine. Neither of us spoke; instead, we let our hands and bodies do the talking. Buried inside her, I groaned at the rightness of being with her that way, suddenly hating the fact that we had to hide. Hating more that it would be the last time. I thrust into her, desperation growing, my thoughts wild and chaotic. I clutched her close, not wanting to let her go, but knowing I had to. Overwhelmed by the vortex of emotions swirling through my head, I took her hard and fast. She moved with me, holding me tight, but the teasing, cursing side of her was quiet. She was as conflicted as I was, and yet neither of us could express it.

Afterward, she nestled close, pressing her head to my chest, but still, she was silent. I could feel her walls coming back, feel her removing herself from me, even as she stayed physically close.

I wanted to beg her to let me buy that house. To let me see her again. But I knew she wouldn’t allow it. She couldn’t allow her children to be caught in a relationship where I constantly came and went from their lives. Plus, I couldn’t hurt her that way. But the truth was, I wasn’t capable of having the kind of relationship she deserved.

When she pulled away from me, I cupped her cheek, kissing her sweet mouth. “My Alex,” I murmured. “My darling girl—thank you.”

She held my hand to her face, a tear running down her soft skin and over mine. She bent down, and we shared one last kiss. “I would be, Dylan,” she whispered. “I would be yours if I could be.”

She turned and hurried across the room, shutting the door behind her. I pressed my lips to my wet knuckles, tasting her sadness, loathing the reality that I was the cause of it.

Still, there was nothing I could do to change things.

Nothing.

I was certain of that fact, yet sleep didn’t find me the rest of the night.

Sunlight sca

ttered across the white of the snow, its brilliance almost blinding, as I stood lost in thought and drank coffee, staring out my window. Draining my cup, I set it on the table beside me and ran a hand through my hair, tugging on the ends. My stomach ached. My chest felt tighter than ever, and the usual calm that prevailed over my body was missing.

I was tense, exhausted, upset, and I couldn’t understand why.

I was leaving the inn—going back to Toronto—exactly as I had planned to do all along. A few days ago when I arrived, I could hardly wait to get out of here, but something changed.

That something was Alex.

Her, a gangly teenager, and a lisping little angel—who had broken my heart with her tears this morning. Seth was unusually surly, and for some reason, turned to Noelle while she nattered on at breakfast and informed her I wouldn’t be returning—ever.

Alex gasped. “Seth!”

“It’s true,” he insisted. “He’s leaving, and he isn’t coming back!” He glared at me. “Are you?”

Before I could say anything, Noelle burst into sobs. Seth pushed away from the table, grabbed his books, and stormed out of the inn, muttering under his breath. I could still hear the anguished sobs as Alex gathered Noelle close, indicating I should leave. I stood, helpless, and watched her cry as my stomach churned, then silently, I returned to my room.

I groaned. That wasn’t supposed to happen. They weren’t supposed to affect my life. I couldn’t allow it to happen. My life was somewhere else. Their life was at the inn. I had nothing else to give. Alex had firmly rejected my offer of a house and financial help, so we were at a stalemate.