The Accidental Girlfriend

Lauren brought her fingers to her mouth. “Really? That’s her boss?”

I glanced at the man who had at least twenty years on us, as evidenced by his gray-dotted beard. “Yeah. She’s a paralegal, and he owns the law firm where she works. I, uh, got a front-row seat to that little show.”

Her eyes widened as my meaning caught on. “Oh, shit. Do you think she’ll come over here?”

“Yes,” I said honestly. “She’s just that kind of person.”

Lauren adjusted her body position and discreetly tugged at her dress.

“What are you doing?”

She peered up at me. “What any good fake girlfriend does. I’m adjusting my dress so my boobs look extra good.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at her. She was so nonchalant, so confident, like it didn’t bother her at all that my raging bitch of an ex was across the room.

Mind you, it probably didn’t.

There was no reason for it to bother her. She just had to act like it did. I probably should have checked on her acting ability before I agreed to do this…

Claudia’s eyes scanned the entire room yet again before they settled on me with a self-satisfied smirk. She held my gaze for a long minute before Lauren moved, apparently drawing her attention because her gaze dropped.

Lauren leaned up, bringing her mouth to my ear. “My cat would shit on her head if he saw her.”

I laughed, dropping my chin to my chest, but not before I saw the smirk disappear from Claudia’s face. “Your cat would shit on her head?”

“Yeah. Henry has an obsession with sitting on people’s head. He thinks humans are his own personal bean bag, but he’d literally use her as his litter box.”

“He sounds like an asshole.”

“A total asshole. Means he’s a good judge of character.”

“How does that make sense?”

“Because he doesn’t give a flying fuck about offending anyone.”

“He’s a cat. How can he offend anyone?”

“Have you ever had a cat sit on your head and fart?”

“I can’t say that’s something I’ve ever experienced, no.”

She nodded. “I wouldn’t recommend it.”

“Noted.” My lips twitched as I glanced up. Claudia had moved to the bar with her boss-slash-boyfriend and was deep in conversation with a girl she’d been close with in high school. Her attention kept darting this way, though, and I held her gaze for a second before I looked away.

“You all right?” Trev asked, eyes flicking toward Lauren.

I shrugged. “Honestly, I am. I don’t feel a damn thing toward her.”

“And your girlfriend is happy to hear it,” Lauren chirped. “Now, how long do we have until she inevitably comes over here and starts questioning me?”

“You’ll be fine,” I said. “We have our story straight, as long as Trev shuts his mouth.”

“Trust me,” he said dryly, lifting his beer. “The second Satan herself comes over here, I’m going to take a leak.”

“Lovely.”

***

He didn’t have to wait long to take his piss. Whether he even needed to go or not was a question for another day, but Claudia had barely said hello to three people before Lauren prodded me in the back, making me look up.

She had her hand wrapped around the crook of her boss’ elbow, but she was the one dragging him across the room like a woman on a mission. Which she was.

A mission to make my life a living hell.

For his part, her boss looked like he’d rather be anywhere other than here. Not only walking toward us, but in the room entirely. He had at least ten years on the rest of us, and I knew Claudia well enough to know that he was here just for her to flaunt him.

God only knew the man probably had better things to do than be here. Hell, I did, and I didn’t have my own business. I only “built walls and shit,” as she’d so nicely said to me when she’d removed her legs from around his waist.

“Brace yourself,” Trev muttered. He downed the rest of his beer and stalked off without even acknowledging Claudia’s existence.

Claudia pursed her lips and flicked her hair over her shoulder. “He’s still as rude as ever, I see.”

That was a matter of opinion. “Claudia. How are you?” I asked tightly.

The smile that crept across her face was sly and self-satisfied. “Better than ever. How are you?”

“Couldn’t be better,” I replied. “Have you met Lauren?”

Claudia turned her attention to Lauren for half a second. “I didn’t know you were seeing anyone.”

“You didn’t realize you were seeing me for a while, either, so I don’t know why you’d care about who I’m seeing now.”

Lauren twitched, bringing her glass to her lips.

“I don’t care,” Claudia said, shrugging one shoulder. “I was merely making conversation.”

“Then make it somewhere else,” I said dryly. “You’re only here to attempt to rub your relationship in my face, and since that isn’t going to work, I’m sure there’s someone else here who’ll pretend to be suitably impressed to feed your ego.”