The Accidental Girlfriend

Charlie’s attempts at hitting on me didn’t count. He’d already moved on to a lady in a fetching violet dress, and I doubted she’d be the last woman in his sights tonight.

“It can’t all be fake, though. I mean, he keeps looking at you.”

“Probably to see if you’re pissing her off,” Pru snapped. “Which you are.”

Kirsty looked at me, wide-eyed. “Am I?”

“I wouldn’t say that,” I said tentatively. What? Fake or not, I wasn’t in the habit of being rude to strangers. Unless the stranger was Claudia.

“Oh.” Pru finished the rest of her gin. “I guess it’s me you’re pissing off.”

“Let me get you another drink,” I said quickly, reaching for her glass. “I’m going anyway.” I punctuated that by downing the remaining wine in front of me and getting up so quickly that my head almost spun.

Thankfully, it didn’t, and I beelined for Mason and Trevor at the bar.

“What’s up?” Mason asked, his eyes never leaving my face.

I set the glasses on the bar with a sigh and leaned forward. “Give your sister a pole, because she’s fishing hard.”

“What’s she fishing for? Compliments? She’ll have to try harder.” Trevor snorted. “There’s nothing to compliment.”

I thought Mason would tear him a new one, but he didn’t. He simply chuckled his agreement, and I guess he was in the same situation I was: Kirsty deserved it.

“She’s fishing for feelings where there aren’t any,” I said quickly before I grabbed the bartender and ordered new drinks.

Mason rolled his eyes. “I told her to cut that shit out when she tried it with me earlier. Has she forgotten she’s the reason we’re in this situation?”

“Evidently.” My tone was dry. “But feel free to tell her again. She’s not listening to me.” I passed money across the bar to the tender and handed Mason the gin and tonic. “Take this to Pru before I regret all my life choices even more.”

Laughing, he took the glass and left, making his way over to the table where his aunt and sister were sitting.

Trevor sidled up to me. “No feelings, huh?”

I side-eyed him, picking up my glass of wine. “Do I look like the kind of girl who catches feelings like people catch a cold?”

“I’m not gonna answer that. There’s no right answer.”

“Hey, you’re smarter than you look.”

“You’re witty. No wonder Mason keeps staring at you.”

I snorted. “He doesn’t keep staring at me.”

“Have you been looking at him?”

Yes. “No. He’s not a TV.”

“Then how do you know he hasn’t been looking at you?”

“Because I’m also not a TV,” I said dryly. “It’s also called a gut feeling. I think I’d know if I was being watched like a cheap studio sitcom.”

Trevor blinked at me. “You have one hell of a way with words, Lauren.”

I raised my glass to him. “Thank you. I pride myself on it. It keeps people on their toes.”

“What does?”

“Never knowing what shit is gonna come out of her mouth.” Mason stepped up next to me and stretched his arm out behind me to grab his beer. “Keeping up with the Kardashians is nothing compared to keeping up with Lauren Green.”

“I’m going to take that as a compliment because I’m not sure starting a fake argument here is a good idea.” I sipped. “But if you’d like to provide entertainment…”

“Damn, I’m almost hoping Claudia shows up,” Trevor said. “I’m still pissed I missed that.”

“It wasn’t that impressive. Well, maybe to you guys. But for women, it was just a regular way to shut another woman down. We’re good at it, given that all women are bitches.”

“All women are bitches?”

“Well, yeah. We’re all bitches inside. It doesn’t matter how hard you try to hide it, it’s gonna come out sooner or later. I just prefer to be a bitch to people’s faces.”

Mason cocked his head to the side. “Why?”

“Because I’m a woman. If I’m a bitch in private, it’ll get back to them, and I’ll have to be a bitch anyway. I like to cut the middleman and save us all some time.”

Trevor choked on his beer. “Seriously, if you aren’t gonna date her for real, please let me date her.”

“You wouldn’t be able to handle me, Trevor. I’d chew you up and spit you out in a night.”

Mason nodded. “It’s true. She would. She’s hard work.”

I nudged him. “You’re not exactly easy yourself. You are why we’re in this situation, if you remember.”

“Actually, you are. You’re the one who put an ad online.”

“Look, if we’re going to get into semantics, I can’t argue with you, and that doesn’t benefit me at all.”

He laughed and stepped in closer to me. “Ah, but semantics benefits me. You’ve shut down the conversation already.”

“No, I told you I can’t argue with you if you bring semantics into it. I can, however, talk to you and break down all your arguments.”