A Death to Seek (Thornes & Roses 3)

But he divulged his secrets to me and I never once uttered them to anyone else. I kept them locked up tight in a box, along with my heart. I knew from that day, I was falling for him. There wasn’t anything I could do to stop it either. It was as if nature had taken its course and I had no control over my fate.

I don’t believe in all that shit. But when I met Finn Thorne, I truly believed my broken parts, all those dark little demons that plagued me daily, had found their match. And they don’t want anyone else.

The house is Illuminated when we reach the patio, and I wonder where the girl is. Finn told me his father wanted this union. And sure, we’ve shared girls before, but the idea of marriage seemed foreign to me. I believe it’s an archaic demonstration of stupidity. It makes no sense to bind yourself to one person forever. Life is too short for such limits.

Finn turns to regard me from over his shoulder, the corner of his mouth quirking as those demons twinkle in his eyes. And I know that as much as I abhor the idea of saying, I do, to anyone, I would say it to Finn.

“Ready?” he asks, one dark brow arched.

I don’t know if I am, but I nod anyway. “I guess so. It’s not like I’m going to have to sleep with her.” The words fall from my lips unbidden, and I want nothing more than to pull them back and hide them in that same little box I’ve named heartbreak because that’s where this road is headed.

Finn reaches back, his fingertips brush along mine for a split second before he opens the door and we step inside. The delicious fragrance of Joy’s cooking assaults our senses, and my stomach rumbles.

“There you are,” Joy says as she notices Finn, but then her eyes land on me, and there’s a small secret smile when she takes us in. “Were you two swimming again?”

“Yeah,” Finn answers for us. “It wasn’t too bad out there.” The lie slips easily from his lips. It was freezing, but I’ve found that there are times he doesn’t even notice the cold.

“Well sit down, the girl is here. Zaria.” Joy tests the name slowly, and then nods as she turns back to the stove. “I’ll get the table ready for dinner. Cassian and Kalyn aren’t joining us,” Joy continues talking.

“I’m going to change,” Finn announces, before leaving me in the kitchen. My gaze darts to Joy. I’ve known her for years, and she knows most of my past. There’s something maternal about her and when she asks a question, you tend to answer truthfully.

“I know that you’re in love with him,” she says softly, but I hear her. Even though I’m standing at the table and she’s feet away. “And I know he loves you.”

My heart jolts against my ribs, making it difficult to breathe. “What?” The shock is clear in my voice. My feet carry me forward until I’m standing beside her.

She offers me a smile. “It’s clear to me because I know you both so well.” Her voice is tinged with sadness, and I wonder if she’s rooting for Finn and me. “He does love you,” she tells me earnestly, before looking into my eyes. “There’s no doubt about it. And I know he’ll never be able to walk away from you.”

“What makes you say that?” Curiosity gets the better of me, even though I’m not sure I want to hop on this rollercoaster.

She closes the steaming pot and flicks off the gas before turning to me. “I’ve seen love and loss while living and working in this house. The way he looks at you, there’s a yearning that’s palpable. It may not be noticeable to everyone,” she says, then continues, “but I can see it. He lights up when you’re around. Trust him, I know he’ll find a way to make this work.”

I shake my head. “No, he can’t. There’s no way his father would allow anything to happen between us.”

“But things have happened between you,” Joy insists, and I can’t stop my cheeks from heating. It’s like talking to a parent about the times you’ve had sex. I may be twenty-six, but it’s still strange having this conversation with someone I regard as a mother figure.

“But he’s supposed to marry the girl.” I would never ask Finn to jeopardize his family or his responsibilities and that’s why I told him I would leave. Even though it would break us both. Maybe I should just do it, sacrifice my happiness for him. That’s what people who are in love do.

“Listen to me, Jarred,” Joy says, gripping my shoulders as if I were a child. “You’re both grown men, and love is going to be messy. No matter who you are. If Mr. Thorne could accept Damien and Nesrin, I don’t see how he couldn’t accept you, Finn, and Zaria.”