I round the mattress and flop down next to Jarred. Lying back, I look up at the sky and wonder if Ellie is looking down at me right now. When I cast a quick glance to my side, I take in Jarred’s profile. With the hair out of his face, I can’t deny he’s handsome. It doesn’t mean shit though because I can’t allow myself to fall down that rabbit hole.
“Do you think the dead sit up there and laugh at us trying to live our lives?” Jarred asks suddenly. The question jars me because it’s as if he is reading my mind.
“Of course they are,” I tell him. “They need to know that all those promises you made them are being kept.” I’m talking about Ellie. I never once spilled the secret about what she did. Or why she did it. It’s been a year, and each time someone mentions her name, I want to defend her, but I can’t because she made me promise not to.
“And what if you break a promise?” Jarred asks, this time looking at me because I can feel his attention burning a hole right through me. It’s as if he was brought here to dig into the deepest recesses of my pain and find the secrets I hold. The last time I ever felt such an instant and innate connection to someone, she killed herself.
“I don’t break my promises,” I say, turning my attention on him again. This time, we’re face to face. There’s nothing between us just electric sparks. The air is charged thickly with need, desire warms me from head to toe as it zips through my veins.
I haven’t been with anyone who I cared about since Ellie, and as I lean in to kiss Jarred, I wonder if this is going to be me keeping my promise to her. When my lips touch Jarred’s, nothing else in this world exists for a second. His tongue darts out to tease my mouth, and I allow him to deepen the kiss. Our tongues tangle, tease, and taunt as they slide against each other. Warmth grows in my stomach, and pleasure tingles down my spine, my cock aches against my zipper as it throbs for more.
I reach for Jarred, my hand tangling in his long, dark hair as I tug his head back. And then I’m rolling us over. Him on his back, me straddling his hips. And then, I kiss him again. His touch trails down my back and up my T-shirt. The softness of his fingertips sparks my skin to life as goosebumps rise in the wake of his touch.
All my focus is on how hard we both are. I can feel his dick pressing against my thigh, and my mouth waters to taste him. His one hand grips my ass as he holds me closer, and we’re both undulating as pleasure takes a hold of us. From heartbreak and pain to desire and bliss.
I’m so close. I’m right on the edge of coming in my fucking jeans like I used to do as teenager, making out with a hot guy or girl. And now, even at twenty, nothing has changed. But as I near the precipice, I pull away.
Out of breath, I push off this handsome stranger and sit up, trying to calm the fuck down. I can’t find my words, not yet. All I can do is close my eyes and focus on taming my erection. There’s no way I can go back into the house sporting a hard-on.
“It seems the boss has a thing for the help,” Jarred remarks playfully as he pushes to sit up beside me. With my knees bent and my arms resting over them, I turn my head, side-eyeing the handsome bastard.
“Don’t go telling everyone my secrets,” I whisper, my eyes pleading with him to keep this to himself. I know for a fact this won’t be the last time I kiss him because that felt far too good.
“I’m no narc,” he informs me with a smile. “Your secret is my secret.” And that’s how I know I’m well and truly fucked. Because this boy has just made a deal with the devil.
7
FINN
Present Day
In my bedroom, I push open the door and hear the shower going next door. I needed time away from Jarred. Even though he’s the one person I never want to be away from, I don’t know what to do about my feelings any longer. My heart aches when I think about losing him, and the words he spewed in anger about him leaving only had me raging. I wanted to pin him down and make him see he can never walk away because he’s mine.
I’d never claimed someone before. Not even Ellie. I loved her, I really did, but she wasn’t mine. She was a free spirit that came in and changed my life. She broke me down into the fucking bastard I am, and I’m proud of wearing those scars for her. I glance down at the silky white flesh that’s never going to change. I can still feel the warmth of her blood as it drenched me. The broken glass bottle she’d used had sliced my arm open, and even though I managed to hide shit away, making sure nobody knew she’d taken her own life, the reminder is always there.