Kiss Me Not (Kiss Me 1)

I selected Halley from the contacts list and texted her.

ME: I dropped the cash at the bank.

Her response came faster than I thought it would. Then again, she was probably reading on her phone…

HALLEY: Thanks. Was Tish ok with it?

ME: Yeah, she said you told her I’d be late.

HALLEY: Were you late?

ME: If you need to ask that…

HALLEY: Lol. Of course you were.

HALLEY: About earlier…

ME: What about it?

HALLEY: What do we do tomorrow?

ME: Halley, I kissed you because I wanted to. Did I try not to at first? Yeah, but then I changed my mind. We can pretend that it never happened if that’s what you want.

HALLEY: I didn’t say that. I just don’t understand. You’ve never shown any interest in kissing me until today.

ME: And you’ve never shown any interest in kissing me until today.

HALLEY: Um

HALLEY: My life would be so much easier if I was like the comet I was named for. Coming once every seven years.

I choked on my beer.

ME: I know a few guys who can arrange that, but I’m more of a coming every seven hours guy.

HALLEY: I DIDN’T MEAN THAT KIND OF COMING

ME: You should be more specific.

HALLEY: This has deteriorated quickly. And I wonder why I prefer raccoons to humans.

ME: I’d imagine raccoons don’t talk shit.

HALLEY: Yeah, but humans don’t rummage through my trash, so…

ME: Some might.

HALLEY: You have to ruin everything, don’t you?

ME: I get it from my sister.

ME: Do you hate me for kissing you tonight?

It felt like a fucking eternity until she responded. I went over every possible answer in my mind, but I wasn’t quite prepared for the one she gave me.

HALLEY: A little bit.

ME: I understand that.

HALLEY: You don’t.

ME: I hate myself a little bit, so I do, yeah.

HALLEY: You don’t, Preston.

ME: Why don’t I?

HALLEY: Because I’m not your type, am I? The short-haired, kissing-booth running librarian with a penchant for feeding wild raccoons isn’t the kind of girl you go for.

Shit—she had no idea, she did? Was that how she saw herself? That all those things were bad things? Hadn’t I already told her that they were good things? That they were the things that made her perfect in my eyes?

So she burned spaghetti.

We’d all done that.

Or something similar. Like toast.

ME: Your first mistake is assuming I have a type. I’m not a book. I don’t prefer a certain font.

HALLEY: That fell flat.

ME: I know. It was supposed to.

HALLEY: You’re weird.

ME: Has anyone ever told you that you seriously undervalue yourself? You’re more amazing than you give yourself credit for.

HALLEY: You’re saying that because you have to.

ME: No. I don’t have to say shit. I’ve already made it clear that I think you’re basically perfect, even if you do burn spaghetti. Stop putting yourself down, Halley.

ME: I didn’t kiss you tonight just because I did. I kissed you because I wanted to.

ME: Didn’t you listen to a word I said to you?

Her silence told me everything I needed to know.

ME: Let’s go out tomorrow. When the booth is done. Let’s hang out at the fair. We’ll throw baseballs at the milk bottles and ride the Ferris wheel and eat our weight in cotton candy.

HALLEY: …Are you asking me on a date?

ME: Do you want it to be a date?

HALLEY: No.

ME: That sucks because I want it to be.

HALLEY: You do?

ME: Yeah. Is it that surprising? I’m pretty sure I still have a boner from kissing you earlier.

HALLEY: You don’t date.

ME: Correction. I don’t date people who aren’t worth dating.

HALLEY: You think I’m worth dating?

ME: When we’re done kissing other people, I’m going to show you just how worthy you are of being dated the fuck out of.

HALLEY: I think that was sweet.

ME: It was.

ME: I wish you’d see yourself through everyone else’s eyes.

HALLEY: I don’t. I might get an ego so big I’ll need a reality show.

I choked on my laughter. It was true. That would probably happen.

ME: Well? We can go as friends if you’d prefer. A not-a-date.

HALLEY: You’re ridiculous.

ME: Tell me it’s a bad idea.

HALLEY: It’s a bad idea. You know as well as I do it won’t work.

ME: I know nothing of the sort.

HALLEY: What about Reagan? When it all goes tits up, whose side does she take?

ME: Yours. Then I’ll get a damn break from her.

HALLEY: Why do I get the impression I’m losing this battle?

ME: Because you are.

ME: We’ve never spent any time together, Halley. A couple of hours at the fair isn’t going to change anything unless you want it to.

HALLEY: There’s no way I’m getting out of this, is there?

ME: I see it two ways. You can come nicely, or I’ll just carry you around over my shoulder.

ME: People will probably stare at that one though.

HALLEY: Ugh. Fine. You win. But it’s not a date.

ME: Is it a date if I kiss you at the end of it?