Fuck It (Yama Yama)

We don’t have to date or get involved in anything serious. The problem is I’ve never had sex outside of a committed—on my end at least—relationship. How the hell do you ask a guy to fuck you with no strings attached? Hey, Simon, I see you watching my ass, want to be fuck buddies?

Ava approaches me when I walk into the gym. “I thought I could take the older kids out to play kickball since it’s warm out. Would you mind?”

“Sure thing,” I reply, groaning inside. An hour and a half of entertaining little kids I have no idea how to talk to. In class it’s easy; I give directions, and they follow them. Hmm…maybe I’ll just drag the tumbling mats out.

It works. A few minutes later I’m teaching a group of five-and-six-year-olds how to turn a somersault, and laughing along with them. Maybe I’m better with kids than I thought.

“You do a flip, Ms. Childers!” a little girl named Mary calls out, her hand tugging on her braid.

“Yeah!” The other three kids join in until I give in and stand at the head of the mat. They giggle when I turn a front somersault and cheer when I do a backwards one to return to the front of the mat.

A loud riiiiipppp echoes through the gym, and I feel a draft right over my butt crack. Great. I just split the back of my pants. In front of a group of giggling kids who are supposed to respect me. Fu-frog me.

Before I can think whether my day could get any worse, I look up into a familiar grin which quickly turns to a familiar laugh.

“Uncle Simon! Ms. Childers tore her pants!” Toby announces.

“I see that,” Simon replies, choking on a laugh. Staring down at me, he asks, “Are you okay?”

“Yep. I’m fine.”

“Are you going to get up?” he asks, his lips twitching.

What I want to do is lie here, close my eyes, and hope this is one of those stress dreams where you end up at school naked, but that’s not possible. Some idiot has actually hired me to be in charge of children. I am so underqualified for this.

There’s no way to hide the rip when I get to my feet. I’m frantically trying to remember which panties I’m wearing when Toby speaks up again. “I can see your underwear.”

Before Simon can hush him, he looks up at his uncle and adds, “They’re bright green. Like my Hulk poster.”

Awesome.

Ava returns with one of the kids she took outside. The parents must have already come for the others, which means…

Yep. Three mothers stand by the door, watching me try to hide my peek-a-boo butt crack. The kids finally notice them and run over, eager to go home. With a few snickers and waves, they disappear into the hall, and I’m left with Simon, Ava, and Toby.

Without a word, Ava ducks into the office and returns with a hoodie from the lost and found box. I don’t know who it belonged to and I don’t care. I’m just grateful it fits around my waist. I tie it in place, covering my butt from further shame.

“Can I get green underwear?” Toby asks.

“We’ll see,” Simon replies absently.

Why is he still here? Haven’t I been humiliated enough for one day? Ava looks from Simon to me and back again. “I’ll text you later about that drink.”

“Sure, talk to you later,” I mumble as she walks away.

“I want Hulk underwear,” Toby babbles. “Green Hulk underwear. Can we go to the store now?”

“Not today, buddy. Why don’t you grab your backpack and give me a second to talk to Lyd—to your teacher.”

“That’s not fair! Why does she get green underwear and I don’t?” He stomps off and Simon can’t hold back his laughter anymore. My giggles mix with his, and he shakes his head.

“Now I have to go shopping for green underwear.”

“I’m never going to live this down,” I groan.

“Nah, they’re kids. They have the attention span of a gnat. By Monday, they won’t even remember.”

“I hope so. I’ll let you get to your underwear shopping then,” I reply, starting toward my office. I can’t exactly proposition him after that.

“Wait. Have dinner with me tonight.” Simon flashes the smile that never failed to melt my heart and my panties in high school. Some things never change.

“Are you going to ask me every day?” I stall.

“Only until you say yes.”

I’m saved from answering when Toby bounds up, all thoughts of green underwear apparently forgotten. “Can Ms. Childers go to Chuck E. Cheese with us? Please?” He hangs off of Simon’s arm like a baby monkey.

Simon looks at me and raises his eyebrows. “You’ll have to ask her.”

Toby rushes up to me. “Do you want to go, Ms. Childers? It’s really fun. They have games and rides and pizza! Please?”