Fuck It (Yama Yama)

I’m not so young and naïve anymore, but I’ve still been screwing up a good thing, insisting on keeping this relationship strictly physical. I finally have a man who wants to be with me, and if I’m being honest with myself, I’ve had feelings for him since I was a kid.

Looking at his slack face while he sleeps, I realize I’ve been trying so hard not to care about him, but that’s another thing that’s out of my control. How much easier would everything be if we could choose who to love and who loves us?

I’m not going to fight it anymore. I’m going to take my friends’ advice and let whatever happens happen.

I spend the rest of the night at Simon’s side. He sleeps for a few hours, then wakes up to eat some of the pizza I ordered. I had to giggle when one of the maids knocked on our door and asked if someone ordered a pizza. I guess the mansion doesn’t get a lot of that.

Simon tries to convince me to go out with the others when he finds out they’re out tubing and waterskiing, but I’m not hearing it.

“Stop. It’s not like it’s a chore to hang out with you, you know. Sometimes, you’re even kind of fun,” I tease.

His expression is serious when he looks at me. “You realize we can’t fuck for over a month, right?”

His tone says it all. All I was willing to accept from him was sex. He thinks I’ll be done with him now that he can’t perform. It’s my own fault. I’ve tried not to let any feelings for him show, and now I feel like an asshole.

I scoot close to him until our sides are touching. Putting my palm on his face, I turn his head until his eyes meet mine. “I’m sorry if I made you feel like that’s all you’re good for. I didn’t want to let my guard down and get hurt again. I didn’t want you to know how I felt about you, how much I care about you. I’m not good at relationships.”

A small smile inches across his face. “Are you telling me you want a relationship?”

“Yes. I want to spend time with you when we aren’t naked and sweaty. I love just being around you. You’re sweet and kind and you make me laugh.”

His lips land on mine in a soft kiss that seems to go on forever. “I won’t hurt you, Lyd. I promise.”

“I trust you,” I breathe, surprised to find I mean it. I grab his lips with mine again and slip my tongue into his mouth. Within a few seconds, he groans and pulls away.

Unfortunately, it’s a groan of pain not pleasure. “Yeah, can’t do that for a while,” he gasps.

“I’m sorry,” I giggle. “I wasn’t thinking. It’s your fault for being such a good kisser. And for having that bare chest on display, all sexy and—”

“Stop,” he exclaims. “You aren’t helping.”

“Ice pack?” I offer.

“Please,” he replies, his voice tight.

We spend the rest of the night curled up together, talking, laughing, and just getting to know one another better.

CHAPTER 14

SICILY

Sex, as it turns out, is not easy for anyone, apparently.

I’ll admit, I’ve been intimidated by being with Anderson after knowing he’s been with Lydia. Firstly, she’s hot, she’s given him actual orgasms, she’s smart, and she’s nice.

Yet, Anderson cheated on her and left her in the dust.

How could he possibly stick with me? It’s called insecurity and all that. You immediately start adding up all your inadequacies, exaggerate them, and decide you’ll never be good enough for anyone.

Until your main source of insecurity, with all her cock-whispering wisdom, suddenly breaks a dick.

Then you have a surge of confidence because that’s actually something you’ve never done.

Walking a little taller for such a morbid reason almost makes me feel bad. Almost.

Kasha and her father are in the kitchen making coffee and arguing when I walk in. I start to turn and leave, when I hear, “You didn’t like Lizzy either.”

“Lizzy was a blowup doll!” Kasha snaps. “And I like Bobby Jo. I just didn’t expect you to finally land inside a warm vagina when I was in earshot. You could have at least gone to the top floor where I wouldn’t overhear all that.”

“I had no idea you’d have your ear pressed to the door!”

Definitely not a before-coffee conversation, if you ask me. I suppose this argument was put on hold when Simon’s dick was broken.

Poor Simon.

They both stop arguing when they see me standing awkwardly in the doorway, and Roger clears his throat as his cheeks flush.

He snatches a cup of coffee, smiles tightly at me, and then looks back at Kasha again. “I’ll go to the top floor if it happens again.”

She nods once, looking uncomfortable. “And I sure as hell won’t press my ear to the door anymore when you’re in the same place.”