Summer Love in the Forest (Summer Instalove)

What if I were faced with some wonderful opportunity, but then Ray showed up at my door? Would I have the strength to turn him down?

On some level, I knew that he would understand, and be fine with it. But I just couldn’t trust myself. I’d never behaved this way before, and it was completely freaking me right out.

Getting back to my cabin, I had my notebook out, scribbling through page after page before suddenly remembering that I hadn’t left my number.

I could always leave it in his mailbox. Or, a tiny voice whispered in the back of my mind, I could stay focused and get the heck back to work. I’d promised myself years ago that I’d give this my all. This was not the time for distractions.

CHAPTE

R TWELVE

* Ray *

I gave Kate some space for a few days, avoiding her completely.

There might be reasons why she was so skittish. Perhaps she had a rough childhood, or some other obstacles that prevented her from trusting men. I tried not to let my mind go down dark paths, but I worried about her.

I found myself trying to hang around the cabin more and more. Any work that had to be done away from the cabin, I did it first thing in the morning. Then most afternoons I found myself with my sketchbook, designing new ideas for furniture based on the wood that I’d been gathering.

Every time I heard footsteps on the path, my head would perk up, peering out the window .

I was lovestruck. Or lovesick.

Part of me wanted to take myself out back and kick my own ass for getting so bothered by a girl I still didn’t even know very well. But this magical connection we had couldn’t be ignored. And I knew that Kate felt it, too. She just needed some more time to figure out how to deal with it.

Several days later, after helping a nice middle-aged couple check out of cabin twelve, I went down the path very slowly, listening for any signs of life from cabin eleven.

It was completely silent. I finally forced myself to tap at the door, but she didn’t answer.

Walking back to my place, I saw that the mailbox was open. Inside was a note, and her key.

Hi, Ray.

Listen, I’m sorry that I likely seem difficult to read. I don’t want to hurt you, but I know I wouldn’t be a good girlfriend for you. There’s no way to express to you how sorry I am, unless I were to write an album’s worth of songs about it.

But maybe in a few months once I get my head on straight, I’ll get your number through Dan.

Thanks for everything,

Kate.

My lungs needed to scream. My fists needed to punch something hard enough to smash my bones apart. Yet I wasn’t angry with her. Only myself. And this horrible situation.

From the beginning, I should never have slept with her without first sitting her down and having a long chat about what we wanted. What we needed.

Now all I could think was that I needed her more than I needed air to breathe.

Just a few weeks ago I would never have dreamed of giving up my life for anyone else. I had my routines, and my set patterns. That was it. I thought I was happy.

Now, if she called me and told me she wanted to go live in a hut in a distant country I’d never heard of, I would say yes and already be packing.

Maybe that’s what frightened her off. Maybe feeling how much I needed her was too much pressure on her.

She seemed so smart and driven that it was easy to forget that she was also quite young. I didn’t even know how old she was. She mentioned finishing university, so she must be around twenty-one to twenty-three. I was only thirty-seven, and didn’t know if that made a difference to her at all.

A flash ran through me, and I went to Dan’s computer, calling up the guest records. There it was. Kate Harris, with her phone number and email.

I entered them into my phone. There was no way that I could call her without sounding weak and needy. But I need to feel that I had that connection to her, just in case.