To Love Honour and Disobey

Yet he couldn’t resist getting closer one last time. He sat on the bed. Her eyes were closed but he felt her awareness of him. He kissed her, felt her soften and flow around him. But before she roused too much he laid her back on the pillow, easing out of the kiss, soothing rather than stirring. He wanted her to sleep. He straightened, tore his eyes away, and forced his leaden legs to move. Away.

Down in his study he held the file, hesitating for just a moment, reluctant to sever the connection. But this was the only way. Yet another idea teased him, another option—one so sweet and intoxicating that he burned with longing. Wished he could start again—rewind and replay with sincerity this time. Would that be the proof she needed?

But it was stupid, an impossible idea. So he uncapped the pen and scrawled across the paper. Closed the file and tossed it to the desk. Then he ran.

Chapter Twelve

FOUR hours later Seb sat across from his mother. Customers filled every table but the exclusive restaurant offered privacy as well. He’d reserved a small booth and ensured his mother had her back to the others—in case there was a meltdown. She’d be able to mop up with some dignity and not have a restaurant full of people wonder why she was bawling. He supposed he should have met her privately, but he needed the public around to prevent his own meltdown.

He took in a breath, might as well get it over. ‘I saw Dad yesterday.’

‘Did you?’ She sat back in her chair and looked hard at the carafe of water in front of her. ‘Janine’s pregnant, isn’t she?’

Sebastian lowered his glass. ‘How did you know?’

‘I guessed as much. Obvious from the speed of that wedding. And she didn’t drink. Nor did Eric, which is very unusual.’ She tilted her head to the side and gave him a twisted, tender smile. ‘He sent you to tell me, didn’t he?’

Seb nodded.

‘Poor Seb. Always the go between. Always the jam in the middle.’

‘The fraying rope in the tug of war, you mean.’ He bit his lip. It wasn’t his job to make it worse for her. ‘He didn’t want you to be upset.’

She ignored the latter comment. ‘Not fraying, Seb. You’re very strong.’

Hardly. He was a coward. He’d accused Ana of avoiding the important things when it was he who did that all the time.

‘Well.’ Silvery sadness shone briefly in his mother’s eyes. ‘That’s wonderful news for them.’

‘Bit weird, isn’t it?’ Seb said drily. ‘I’m old enough to be the baby’s father.’

‘And I could be its grandmother.’

Good one, Seb. Still not helping.

‘It was my fault, you know.’ His mother suddenly looked intense, silver tears brimmed, threatening to spill. ‘I cheated on him.’

‘What? On Dad?’

‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I cheated. I started with Miles long before I left your father.’

Miles had been husband number two.

‘Why?’

‘I was lonely. You know I wanted more children. Eric refused to consider other options—no adoption or fostering even. As far as he was concerned it would happen naturally. And I guess we married too young. Life wasn’t fun any more. I felt trapped, resentful. I turned to Miles.’ She looked closely at Seb. ‘That was why I broke up with your father. It was nothing to do with you.’

Seb ignored the emotion in her last comment. He so didn’t want to go there. ‘Did you sleep with Miles because you wanted to get pregnant?’

‘No.’ She half laughed but it was a sad sound. ‘He’d had a vasectomy so I knew it was impossible. It was liberating, to be honest.’

That hit Seb like an unexpected bucket of icecold water over the head. Miles had had a vasectomy? She’d left his father for a man she knew couldn’t give her the other children she so desperately craved? Confusion fogged everything. ‘But you wanted more children.’

‘I’d have adopted. But like Eric, Miles didn’t want to. He already had children and he didn’t want any more.’

Well, Seb had known that—Miles hadn’t wanted anyone else’s kid, for sure, certainly not him. And he’d been happy for his ex to have custody of the ones he had fathered. But hadn’t he wanted Lily to have what she longed for?

Seb had always thought it was the kid thing that had busted his folks up—but it seemed it had been a whole lot more complicated than that. So what had happened with Miles? ‘Is that why you broke up with him?’

‘No. He cheated on me.’ Lily shrugged. ‘Served me right, I guess.’

She’d moved on to another man, another marriage. Started trying again. But still no more kids came. Seb had been into his teens then; he remembered her heartbreak. And he’d hated not being able to make it better.