Fractured Minds (Rebels of Sandland 3)

Effy’s eyes blazed with fury, and I felt the weight of regret sink deep into the pit of my stomach. I was losing her. But what choice did I have?

“One day you’re gonna regret being such an arsehole to me,” she said and spun around, charging towards the fence where her car was parked.

“I already do,” I whispered to myself and watched as she got into her car and drove off.

When I turned to look at him, he was laughing and clapping his hands together like he was in the audience at an open-air theatre.

I couldn’t help it. I stalked over to where he was, ready for round two. I might not have my baseball bat, but I had enough anger to fuel my fists and enough rage stored up from years of pain that I was ready to unleash. But he didn’t stay around for the encore. He turned and left like the coward he was.

With a heavy, broken heart, I made my way back home, barging through the front door and running up the stairs, taking them three at a time so that I could get to my room faster and hide. I didn’t want to see anyone. I needed to be alone. But even alone I couldn’t shake the demons that had their grip on me, or the gnawing pain of regret.

Why was this ache in my chest overriding the pain in my body and my mind?

It seemed as if I was always destined to be this monumental fuck-up.

I didn’t want to be.

In fact, if I had my way, I’d be saying to hell with it and telling Effy exactly how I felt. Maybe, if I could sort out the virus currently destroying my life, I could make that dream a reality.

Maybe.

My life revolved around that bloody word and I’d had enough.

I paced my bedroom, biting my nails in an effort to numb the pain, but it didn’t work. I knew what would though. I needed to see her one last time today. Make sure she was okay

. After the way I’d spoken to her, I needed to apologise. It was the least I could do.

I grabbed my black hoody off the bed and pulled it on. Then I marched over to the door, willing myself to stay focused, but I stopped when I remembered what I had in the top drawer of my desk. I back-tracked and then came to a halt, staring at the dilapidated chest of drawers with half the knobs missing. I bit my lip, fighting an internal debate on whether giving this to her was a good idea or not. The irrational part of my brain won out, it always did, and I opened the drawer, grabbed the paper and slid it into the front pocket of my hoody. It was a peace offering. I’d made it for her and she deserved to see it.

Thirty minutes later, I found myself standing outside her house, staring up at the huge sash windows with their gentle warm glow that came from inside. Even her home looked inviting, as if it’d welcome you in and make all the bad things in the world go away when you were safe within its walls.

I’d made sure that I wasn’t followed this time. I would never lead him right to her door, but despite that, I still felt on edge. It was so cold that with every pant of my breath a cloud of steam formed like I was fuelling my own path to misery. A steam train on a track to self-destruction. A runaway with no way of stopping, especially when her garage door started to open, and her dad suddenly spotted me loitering like a goddamn loser.

“Are you okay there? Can I help you?” he called out, rubbing his hands together and then blowing into them to warm them up.

“Is Effy home?” I was surprised I found my voice and it sounded so clear. I appeared confident even though I was anything but.

“Yes, she’s home. I’ll just go get her.” He thumbed behind him and smiled, then disappeared back into his garage, leaving the door open and my heart hanging by a thread. I’d expected him to tell me to sling my hook and stay away from his precious daughter. Seems the reputation of the Renaissance men hadn’t proceeded me. Thank God.

I walked forward and stood to the side of her garage, but I made sure I was standing directly under the security light so I didn’t look shady to anyone passing by. Not that they had much foot traffic here. This wasn’t like my part of town where people were always hanging around. Here, they went everywhere by car. Probably walked their dogs that way too, or used a treadmill to exercise them. I huffed out a grin and was just about to reach for my mobile phone in my back pocket to give me a distraction from my racing thoughts, when I heard her front door open. I moved from the side of her garage and made my way up the steps to where she was waiting.

When she saw it was me, her eyes went wide and I noticed her hesitation as she took a step back, did the obligatory self-hug that she always did, and then bit her lip.

“I hope I’m not disturbing you,” I said, hanging my head and struggling to make eye contact with her.

“Of course you aren’t,” she huffed out with a gentle laugh. “I was only watching TV. You’re the last person I expected to see here though.” She gave me a stern yet apprehensive look, like she wasn’t sure what my next move would be. I wasn’t surprised. I hadn’t been very predictable or approachable lately.

She eyed me curiously and then her expression turned solemn. “Is everything okay, Finn? After your outburst earlier, you worried me.”

Sure. I’m fine. Nothing to worry about. Only a paedo uncle stalking my every move while my heart shatters into a million pieces over you. But I’ll live. I always do.

“No. I… I just…. I didn’t want to leave it like that. I felt-” I couldn’t finish my sentence. How the hell was I supposed to put into words how I felt? I couldn’t. So, I decided I’d let my art do the talking for me. “I wanted to give you this.”

I reached inside the front pocket of my hoody and pulled out the folded piece of paper. Carelessly, I thrust it towards her like it was a bomb about to detonate. Truth was, the only explosive device around here was me. I felt like I was about to burst from the pressure that being here evoked inside me. So many feelings, so many emotions that I’d tampered down over the years were bubbling to the surface, and I was powerless to stop them.

She stepped forward and took the paper from my hand, her fingers brushing gently against mine as she did, and a spark of electricity shot down my arm and forced me to pull back in shock. She gasped, probably because she thought my reaction was a negative one. It wasn’t.

“What is this?” she whispered, blushing shyly and moving closer to the light on her porch as she unfolded it.