Forever Lucy (Lucy & Harris 5)

“It’s what she wants,” Layla said defensively.

“No, it isn’t, and you damn well know it,” the younger sister snapped, shutting her up. “This is what you three want, not Lucy or Harris. Fuck, I bet that boy doesn’t even know half the crap you have been putting Lucy through with all these wedding plans. Besides the basics, I’m pretty sure he’s clueless on most of the details for this damn thing. But I’m curious, why the hell do you need a seven-foot cake?”

“Hey,” Emmie cut in. “Leave me out of this. I’m just the mover and shaker when it comes to getting these things done.”

“Oh, shut up, Emmie. You know good and well what’s been going on. You have eyes. You see how stressed Lucy is. You see everything, damn it.” Lana wasn’t letting her off the hook that easily. “Stop pretending like you didn’t have a part in all this shit.”

“The cake is going to look just like Beast’s castle from the new Beauty and the Beast movie Lucy likes so much,” Nat tried to explain. “She was all for it when she saw the pictures.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure that was when she thought it was only going to be a few feet tall. You know, like a normal-sized wedding cake. Not one that is taller than the groom,” Jenna said disparagingly.

“If she’s this upset, why hasn’t she said anything, then?” Emmie demanded. “Lucy has a voice, and she’s never been quiet about things that upset her in the past.”

“Good question,” I muttered to myself. And I wanted to know the answer to it, but even though I was straining to hear her voice, it never came.

“Because she’s not the same girl she was a year ago, goddamn it!” Lana cried. “Of course, Layla would have already figured that out if her head wasn’t still stuck up her ass.”

“That’s not fair, Lana,” Layla said in a weak voice.

“No, you know what’s not fair? That up until you jumped feetfirst into planning this wedding, the most you and Lucy have talked in the last year was when she came out to your house every Saturday to spend time with Jesse. You were so focused on how hurt you were she didn’t confide in you that you froze her out. It became about how you were feeling and screw Lucy. Then you decided you would plan this ridiculous-ass wedding to try to bond with her, but still, all you’re focused on is yourself.”

“Lana,” Emmie started to interrupt, but Lana wasn’t to be stopped.

“S

hut up. I’m talking now. You will be quiet and listen for once in your fucking life.” Everyone on the other side of the door became almost deathly silent for a moment before Lana lit back into her sister. “You are the most loving and caring person I know, Layla. But for the past year, when it comes to Lucy, you have become so selfish I don’t even recognize you anymore.”

The sob that left Layla sounded so heartbroken, I clenched my hands into fists to keep from going in there and hugging her. But it was only right then, with Lana’s words echoing in my head, that I realized she was right. Layla had become distant with Lucy. And while my girl had acted like she didn’t see it—or pretended to—I hadn’t realized Lucy was hurting.

When I didn’t hear anything from Lucy, I figured she wasn’t in there, but I needed to find her. Because Lana had been right about a lot of things, especially about the fact that I apparently didn’t know shit where my own damn wedding was concerned.

Before I could turn away from the door, Lana’s voice stopped me.

“Do you know how many times she’s been to her support meetings lately? Do you know how many times she calls Drake—at all hours of the day and night—because she’s upset and fighting the need to hurt herself?” Lana’s voice cracked, and my stomach bottomed out, because I didn’t know the answer to those questions either. Lucy hadn’t said a word to me about the calls to Drake. And while I knew she made her usual weekly support group meetings, Lana made me wonder if she had been going to others. “Do you know how scared I am that one day I’ll get that call, and she will have given in to that need and gone too far? Do you fucking know, Layla?”

“N-no.” Layla’s voice was a whisper, but the room had grown so quiet now that I could have heard a pin dropping on the other side of the door. “I don’t know any of that. She doesn’t tell me anything.”

“Because you don’t ask. You never have.” I was surprised to hear Emmie sound so hard on her best friend. “She’s right, Layla. I tried to ignore it, brushed it off, but Lana has a point. You’re so caught up in the fact that she didn’t tell you that you’ve shut her out completely.”

“It’s…it’s not like that,” she denied weakly.

“Yeah, babe. It is.”

“No, it’s not about her not confiding in me. She didn’t tell anyone. It’s me.”

“Of course it is,” Lana scoffed. “It always is these days.”

“No! That’s not what I meant. What I’m saying is that it wasn’t about her not confiding in me, although I’ll admit that stung more than I ever thought it would. Hell, no one ever prepares you to hear that your child has been hurting herself to cope with the noise in her head.” Layla blew out a hard breath. “No, it’s me that I’m upset with. It’s me I can’t get over. I’m her mother, damn it. It’s my job to protect her, and I didn’t even suspect. And now, I don’t trust myself to see the important things, the private things kids hide from their parents but secretly wish they saw. The silent cries for help. I watch Luca and Lyric like hawks now, and every facial expression they make, I wonder if they’re fighting some inner demon that will take them away from me.”

“I get that.” Harper’s soft voice spoke up for the first time. “I seriously get that on every level, Layla. You don’t think this has affected the rest of us deeply? We are all watching our babies a little closer now because of it. But in the process, you completely isolated your daughter.”

“I get it too,” Nat assured her. “I saw how it affected you guys. I see what it’s done to Harris, and I’ve been watching Trinity closely too. But I didn’t see how you were with Lucy until we started planning the wedding for them. You don’t even ask her how she is, Layla. And I’ve turned a blind eye to the hurt that fills her eyes every time we’re all together and the only thing you can find to talk to her about is all the wedding preparations.”

“I-I thought if I could just give her the perfect wedding, I could show her how much I love her.” Layla tried to explain, but that didn’t ease any of the anger that was now boiling inside me at her. “I’ve been so focused on making sure every last aspect is perfect that I guess I haven’t taken into account what she really wants. Or how much I’ve continued to hurt her.”

“We can fix this,” Emmie said after a short pause. “Nothing is set in stone. I can sort this out and turn it all around. We can give her the wedding she really wants, Lay. But I think the bigger issue is how are you going to fix what you’ve broken between you and Lucy?”

“Oh, gods,” she sobbed. “I don’t even know where to begin.”