Pregnant & Lush: Sam

“You’ll go with me?” So much excitement over such a small thing.

“Yes, I’m in the mood to shop for my kid.” Surprisingly I was.

We talked about our day, the conversation always circling back to the baby who has taken over our lives and she wasn’t even here yet. I already told her she’s gonna have to get used to less sex once the kid arrives and she gave me this serious look before announcing that we’ll just have to work out some sort of schedule. All while her face was ablaze. The girl does love to fuck.

It’s not hard to figure out what’s going on in her head. Since we’re still in the getting to know you stage, we spend most evenings talking about our upbringing, our dreams; the usual. I’ve learned that the best way to draw her out is to let her talk while I listen. She usually works shit out on her own with just a little prodding, but sometimes she can be stubborn as hell.

I was snookered by her sweet disposition in the beginning, but I have noticed that when it comes to some things she’s a mama bear. Funnily enough, if it’s to do with my protection, my happiness, she’s ready to lead the charge, but for herself she’s always willing to take low. Fuck that! I’m going to teach her-her own self worth if it kills me.

This evening’s topic of conversation after we’d stacked the dishwasher and cleaned up the kitchen was her reaction to the flirt. I eased her into it gently but I meant to get the shit over and done with once and for all.

“So, tell me, this big house we’re moving into next week. What do you think I should do with it once you’re gone?” Yeah, that’s my idea of gentle. The damn girl don’t listen for shit, so I figure a nice jolt to the system might work.

“What do you mean?” We were sitting on the couch with the TV on low and her head on my shoulder. “Where am I going?”

“I don’t know, you tell me.”

“I don’t understand; are you kicking me out?” Her breathing grew short and choppy.

“Calm down. I’m not throwing you out it’s just, you seem to think that you’re only here because of the baby. I keep telling you that that’s just not true, but I can’t seem to get through to you.”

She played with her fingers and looked away from me. I knew it was hard for her to have this discussion, but as much as I like fucking her out of her funk whenever another female ruffles her feathers, I didn’t like the fact that it was even a thing.

“I don’t mean to act that way, it’s just…it’s… well you have to admit that if I hadn’t been stupid enough to get pregnant two weeks after we met you probably would’ve moved on already.” And therein lies the problem.

“Babe, who else was in the room with you when you got pregnant?”

“You were, what kinda question is that?”

“Well now, you keep saying that ‘you’ got pregnant and what I remember is that I was so hot for you I forgot the damn condom. So therefore, we bear the same responsibility for this baby. Do you feel trapped?” I already knew the answer but I wanted her to know it, wanted her to come to the same realization on her own.

“Of course not, I love the baby, I love you.” She bit her lip after that little revelation. It wasn’t the first time she’d said it, but there’s a difference hearing the words when I wasn’t buried balls deep in her.

“But you don’t believe that I can love you too is that it? Tell me again why that is?”

“You know why. Look at you and look at me.”

“Babe, I’m not gonna tell you this shit again. When you put yourself down like that, you’re not only belittling yourself, you’re also questioning my judgment. Do I seem stupid to you?”

“No, you’re the smartest, handsomest…”

“Yeah-yeah I know. So if I’m so smart, don’t you think I would know who or what is right for me? I understand that the baby wasn’t planned, but buttercup, in case you’ve missed it, I couldn’t be happier. You’re the first woman I ever ‘forgot’ to wear protection with. I didn’t plan it, but I’m happier than I can put into words that you’re carrying my child. You do realize there were other roads we could’ve taken. I could’ve paid you off, could’ve left you alone to have the baby and just pay child support. Why do you think I went so far as to browbeat you into getting married so quickly?”

I let that sink in and hoped that this time she’d get it. It breaks my heart a little each time I watch her go through this shit. “So you’re saying that you love me?”