My Heart

Tamia pats her backpack, which presumably carries her laptop and her camera.

“Not as much as you’ve done for me.” Alexis taps her chest.

“That wasn’t me,” Tamia says mournfully. “That was Lisa.”

“And she said she wanted us to help you. I hate the idea of you living there.”

“It’s not really a long-term solution, is it?” Tamia says quietly. “Even if I said yes, it’s not like I can run forever. I’ll have to go back to reality eventually.”

Alexis frowns, and I sense the moment slipping.

I should let it slip.

It would be better for everyone if Tamia and I stayed as far apart as possible. It’d be too easy to stalk down the hallway at night, push open her door and give in to my deepest desires.

I wouldn’t be able to resist peeling back the covers and stroking my hand up her bare legs, letting her slowly wake to me worshiping her.

“It doesn’t matter,” I say, even if I know it’s a mistake.

“What doesn’t?” Alexis says.

“If this is only a temporary solution. It’s still a solution. And it will give you time, Tamia, to figure out what your next step is. Maybe you could even look for another apartment. We’ll help you if that’s what you decide.”

She bites her lip as our eyes meet in the rearview mirror. She must know what effect that’s going to have on me, with her eyes getting all wide and excited, with her breath hitching, making me think of how she’ll sound when I’m buried deep inside of her.

“Are you sure?” she asks.

“Yes. We’ve got plenty of room. And Alexis is right. Lisa was your family. She said as much herself. She’d want us to look out for you.”

“Please, Tam. I promise there are no strings attached,” Alexis pleads.

Tamia sighs, looking out the window. “I just don’t think I should get all this special treatment for something Lisa did. I didn’t give you my heart.”

“But you were Lisa’s family. You were basically her sister. And, anyway, this isn’t just about the heart. Obviously, it’s what brought us together. But we’ve become friends, haven’t we? Or am I going crazy?”

Tamia laughs softly. “No, you’re not going crazy. We’re friends. Of course, we are.”

“So let me help you, as a friend.”

After a pause, she nods. “It would be good to get out of there for a few days. The memories of Lisa alone… can be a lot to handle. And then all the yelling, everybody always playing music at all hours. Not to mention the drug dealers outside… Okay, but only for a few days. And if I become a nuisance, you have to tell me. Deal?”

Alexis laughs. “Deal. But I can tell you for an absolute fact that is not going to happen. Dad, maybe we should turn around so Tam can get some clothes?”

“Good idea,” I say, focusing on the road.

And not focusing on the fact that Tamia is going to be sleeping in my house tonight, just down the hallway, waiting for me to claim her and tell her who she belongs to.

I punish my body in the best way I know how, in the gym, raising my hands as I leap back and throw my torso into two more savage punches. The bag rocks back and forth on the hinges, whining as though it’s going to fly clean off the bracket.

It’s been hours since we returned from Tamia’s apartment. I’m still trying to figure out how the hell I’m going to handle this.

At first, I tried to work in my office, but I could hear them through the walls, Tamia’s voice raised as she made Alexis laugh. I couldn’t hear the words, but it’s clear they’re becoming fast friends, clear that every thought in my animal’s possessive mind is a betrayal to my daughter.

I hit the bag again, sweat flying, flecks of it scattered over the bag and across the room. The timer went off a few minutes ago. At least, I think it was minutes.

Time has lost all meaning. All I can focus on is the reverberations moving through my gloves, up to my forearms, into my chest where it joins the hammering of my heartbeat.

I think about the landlord, the piece of filth who thought he could get away with threatening my woman.

My woman.

But nobody is ever allowed to do that. Nobody is ever allowed to even try and make her feel small.

I’m not sure how long I go at it before I finally stop. After taking off my gloves and unwrapping my hands, I grab a towel and wipe myself down, and then give the gym a quick once-over.

I’ve been sweating like a prehistoric man after a hunt, like a man who has to fight with his fists and teeth and whatever it takes to provide for his family.

My new family, the one I’m going to share with Tamia, the one we’re going to have together.