My Heart

“I couldn’t do it,” I whisper. “Not like that. Not so suddenly.”

“You wanted it,” he snaps. “I wanted it.”

“I know. But…”

Another red light. He’s looking at me again, staring closely.

“You don’t have to be ashamed of anything,” he says with conviction. “Whatever it is—”

“I’m a virgin,” I yell, just to get it over with, and then the rest slip out in a rush. “I wanted to, Triston. I promise I did. There’s so much…”

There’s so much I haven’t told you, about how badly I want to be with you, about the future I want us to share.

I swallow all of that down and then go on.

“But how could my first time be like that, with Alexis sleeping downstairs?”

“You’re a virgin.” His voice is somehow deeper, husky, filled with…lust. “You’re a goddamn virgin.”

“I’m sorry.”

He doesn’t answer, twisting his hands up and down the steering wheel, staring at the road as though he can’t look at me.

“I guess that’s not what you wanted to hear,” I murmur.

“Thanks for telling me,” he grits out, seeming like the words cost him a great effort.

Anger flares in me. It’s the rare sort of anger that would arise in me as a kid, always making Lisa happy. She’d always tell me I should feel more confident in letting my feelings be known.

“That sounds like you’re dodging the question,” I snap.

“You didn’t ask a question.”

“Triston.”

He bites down, his hands flexing again. “We need to talk about this. But not now.”

I fold my arms, slumping back in my seat. So basically he wanted a quickie, a crazy fling, and now that there’s too much baggage for him to handle he wants to let me down easy.

We don’t say anything for the rest of the trip.

I stare out the window, telling myself this is for the best. We can just pretend it never happened.

But I know that’s a lie.

I’ll never be able to forget.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Triston

I drive toward my office, struggling to focus on the road, feeling like there’s a stick of dynamite in my gut. The fuse is lit and I’m going to erupt at any second.

I almost did when Tamia told me she was a virgin.

I almost pulled the car over and dragged her into the back seat, tore her pants away, and revealed that pink glistening slit I can still taste on my tongue. All I could think about was bringing my swollen helm to that tight-as-fuck hole – that hole that’s never been touched by anyone else, that will never be touched by anybody else – and fucked her deep, hard, primally.

I wanted to snarl in her ear, “This is the only dick you’re ever going to feel,” sinking my hands into her succulent hips and pulling her closer and closer. “Do you understand, you horny young thing? The. Only. Dick.”

With each word, pounding inside of her harder, crashing into her untouched pussy.

I can’t focus. The light has turned green and somebody’s honking their horn behind me.

I’ve never been one for road rage. I prefer to keep my cool. But right now I feel like jumping out of the car and getting into a fight just for the hell of it.

It’s like my woman’s admission has woken up the animal part of me. No, that’s not right. It woke up the second I laid eyes on her.

But then she hasn’t woken it up. She’s ignited it, injected it with stimulants, and pushed it into overdrive.

All I can think about is the shy way she looked at me as she revealed her virginity. It was like she thought I was going to be angry, and maybe I gave her that impression when I told her I wanted to talk, but later.

But I had to say that.

If I hadn’t, I would’ve gone into full-on possessive mode. I would’ve torn her shirt away to reveal those gorgeous tits, those round perfect mounds, and her smooth soft stomach that is going to gift me with a family. I would’ve sucked on her nipples, making them hard, imagining that they’re already sensitive as they swell with her milk.

My cock is solid, the tip pushing against my zipper, precome leaking endlessly from me.

I can’t think.

Everything is hazy.

I need to tell her everything.

But what if she doesn’t feel the same?

That’s not a what-if.

There’s no way she feels the same. And even if she did, that doesn’t automatically solve things with Alexis.

I drive to the office and try to lose myself in figures for the rest of the day. I know I shouldn’t be surprised when my focus is difficult to achieve, the lines of the spreadsheet predictably shifting, making way for dreams of Tamia.

I see her cradling our first child to her chest, looking up at me with tear stained cheeks, her eyes brimming with emotion.

On her hands and knees, looking at me over her shoulder, her eyebrow raised as she tries to give me a sassy look… but my woman will always have some lingering natural shyness in her, needing me to grab her and take charge but slowly her confidence will grow.