Campus God (Campus)

Instead of easing into the conversation the way I imagined, I blurt, “Is it possible for us to wipe the slate clean and start over?”

The tapping instantly stills as her frown intensifies. “Are you joking?”

It’s slowly that I shake my head.

She blinks as questions flicker through her eyes before she gives voice to them. “Why would you want to do that? You’ve always been such a dick. The entire time I was with Andrew, you never had one kind word to say to me. Not one. In fact,” she adds, “you could barely act civil.”

I flinch as the accusation whips from her mouth.

She’s not wrong. There’s nothing I can say to justify my actions. Every jab and poisonous dart were purposeful, carefully aimed to illicit the most damage, and there’s no way to come back from that.

I glance away before plowing a hand roughly through my hair.

Instead of revealing the truth—that I pushed her away because she was dating my best friend and I had feelings for her—I give her an inadequate platitude. “I’m sorry.”

Her jaw turns slack before she whispers, “Seriously?”

It takes effort to swallow past the thick lump of wet sawdust now lodged in the middle of my throat. “Yeah. I shouldn’t have treated you the way I did.”

She blinks away the shock as laughter slides from her lips. “Sure. Right. Whatever you say.” She slips her phone from her pocket before glancing at the screen. “If we’re done here, I have some place to be.”

Anxiety spirals through me, flooding every cell in my body. “No.”

Her humor transforms into a scowl. “Your three minutes are almost up.”

Afraid that she’ll walk away, I spring forward.

Her eyes widen as she scrambles back a few steps in retreat before throwing up her hand to ward me off. “Don’t! You’re the last person I want touching me.”

Her words feel like an icy dagger through the heart. I draw in a sharp breath and force myself to keep a few feet of distance between us.

“Why now, huh? Why bother to make amends when we’re a little more than a semester away from graduation?”

Air escapes from my lungs like a tire with a slow leak. It would be all too easy to come clean. To tell her that I’m the one she’s been texting with late at night. But then she’d hate me even more than she already does. I can see it in her eyes. Anything she feels for Chris would be immediately snuffed out. She’d assume I was fucking with her for shits and giggles. There wouldn’t be a way to convince her otherwise.

So, no…the truth isn’t an option.

“Because there’s no reason for us to be at odds with one another.”

Gaze boring into mine, she cocks her head and tightens her arms against her chest. The self-protective stance doesn’t escape me.

“That’s the funny thing. We never were at odds. You were just an asshole for no reason. There’s a difference, and I really hope you understand that. For some strange reason, you took an instant dislike to me, and no matter how pleasant or forgiving I was, it didn’t make a difference. In fact, it only spurred you on. And now, after all the shitty comments and embarrassment you’ve caused me, you want forgiveness?” There’s a pause. “You want me to forget because you’ve suddenly decided that we should make nice?” Her features resemble carved granite as she shakes her head. “I feel like this is just another game you’re playing, and guess what? I refuse to engage.”

When I take a desperate step in her direction, she flinches.

“I promise you it’s not.”

She huffs out a mirthless laugh. “And I’m just supposed to put it all behind me and trust that you’re being honest?”

My tongue darts out to moisten my lips. This is going so much worse than I expected. “Of course not. I realize it’ll take time to prove my sincerity. All I’m asking is that you give me a chance to do it.”

Instead of shooting down the request like it’s a plane flying over enemy territory, which is what I fully expect, she mutters with a shake of her head, “I don’t know.”

A tiny spark of hope ignites inside me. “I know I’ve been a giant dick. I’m just asking for a chance to show you that I can be different. That’s all.”

She presses her lips together as her shoulders stay hunched. I can almost see the thoughts churning through her head and the temptation burning within her to tell me to go to hell. The last thing I want is for her to walk away without making at least a small bit of progress in the right direction.

Unsure what else to do, I thrust out my arm. “Truce?”

Her gaze drops to my outstretched hand as a heavy silence falls over us. The noise of our surroundings fades to the background until it’s only the two of us. Just when I think she’ll leave me hanging, she cautiously places her fingers in mine. As soon as they touch, my grasp tightens, holding on for dear life.