Earthling Ambassador (Space Brigade 1)

"Yes, please."

Georgio took a breath. "Nicola," he said solemnly, "you may have noticed that I am above average height."

Nicola managed to keep a straight face.

"Quite obviously," he continued, "I come from another planet."

Nicola had--quite obviously--never met anyone from another planet before, and she very nearly pulled a cross-eyed look and said "Yeah, right!" just like Sean did whenever he heard something he didn't believe. But then Nicola remembered she'd left her school in a helicopter with the prime minister's permission, so she kept quiet and sucked her lollipop.

"Both Plum and I--and this helicopter, in fact--are from the very famous and very beautiful planet of Globagaskar.We are proud Globagaskarians, just as you, no doubt, are a proud

Earthling." Georgio gave Nicola a rather pitying look before going on.

"Now, the main difference between Globagaskar and your dear little planet is simply this--we're approximately two million years ahead of you.That's why we're so much taller than you and our technology is two million times more advanced, our food is two million times more delicious, and so on and so forth.We've always known of your existence, but of course, one of the most adorable things about your planet is that most of you seem to believe you're the only inhabited planet in the galaxy.We didn't want to upset you by spoiling your sweet little illusions!"

Nicola felt embarrassed for slow old Earth. "I'm sure we're about to discover you any minute!" she said. "We do have spaceships, you know."

Georgio guffawed. "Those sweet toys? Oh, Nicola, please don't make me laugh.This is far too serious!"

He composed himself. "Now, Earth has always been a popular vacation destination for many Globagaskarians. It's advertised with the slogan: 'A simpler, sweeter part of the galaxy.' Of course, we can't come too often because we do have to find remote deserts to hide our spaceships in, and we do tend to attract attention because of our height. People are always photographing us with their mobile phones, and representatives from a group called something like the Guinness Recorders keep giving us their business cards.That's why a strict limit has been placed on the number of us traveling to Earth.There's quite a waiting list, because only one family is allowed to visit Earth at a time so we don't create too much of a sensation. My wife and I were fortunate enough to come on our honeymoon. Actually, she wanted to go to one of those luxurious, modern planets, but I teach intergalactic history and culture at the local university, and the more I'd studied Earth, the more it fascinated me. So I managed to persuade her.Well! My wife had to eat her words! We had the time of our lives.We've been planning to bring our children next year for our wedding anniversary.That's why we were so cross when we first heard about the plans to turn your planet into an intergalactic garbage can."

"I beg your pardon?" Nicola let the lollipop drop from her mouth. "Did you just say a . . . garbage can?"

"Yes, it's really very unfortunate.You see, our king and queen have gone off on vacation and they've left their young daughter, Princess Petronella, in charge. She's about the same age as you.The princess has been making some rather odd decisions. She's determined that she's bored with recycling and she'd rather have an intergalactic garbage can.The plan is to send down a planet renovation team to make the necessary changes. I'll guess they'll have to scoop out a big hole in the middle. Of course, eventually they'll have to get rid of all the people--"

Nicola gave a sound just like the wheezy whooshing one her grandma made when she climbed stairs. Georgio glanced at her frightened face.

"Oh, I don't mean get rid of you, get rid of you. Like in a permanent way. You'll simply be packed onto spaceships and sent to live on the Planet of Bore. Certainly nobody will want to stay on Earth when it's a smelly garbage can brimming over with refuse.Terribly unhygienic, for one thing."

"But this is . . . preposterous!" said Nicola. (Preposterous, meaning utterly ridiculous, was one of her favorite words, and she had never come across such an appropriate occasion on which to use it.)

"Yes, it is preposterous," said Georgio. "Especially when you consider that the Planet of Bore lives up to its name. It's the most boring planet in the entire galaxy. No seasons, no plants, no animals, no nothing really. It will be like living in a parking lot.You'll have to take a lot of board games. Get it--bored games!"

Nicola was furious. "That Princess Petronella sounds like a horrible person!"

"She certainly isn't behaving very politely toward your planet. At exactly six A.M. on December first, that's this Saturday morning, garbage will start falling from the sky. Then a week or so after that, once everybody is sick of having leftover tuna casseroles ruining their new hairdos, the princess will send down the army. She thinks people will be ready to leave by then, and will go without a fuss."

"This Saturday is my birthday," said Nicola.

Georgio looked delighted. "Why, what a wonderful coincidence! That's even more confirmation that I've picked exactly the right person for this mission."

Nicola didn't think it was a wonderful coincidence at all.What sort of birthday would it be if she woke up to see tin cans and tea bags and rotten vegetables raining down from the sky? She didn't especially like it when rain fell on her birthday, let alone other people's garbage.

At that moment the helicopter swerved sharply and Nicola saw they were flying along the coast. She could see curving beaches and dramatic sandstone cliffs.Tiny yachts with billowing sails skimmed across the satin-smooth water. It was all so beautiful. How could someone decide to destroy it?

She turned back to Georgio. Her fingernails dug into her palms. "Can't someone stop her?"

"We've been doing our best," said Georgio. "You see, I'm president of the Save the Little Earthlings Committee. My wife and I formed the Committee when we first heard the news about the princess's plan on television.We've been working night and day trying to create interest in the cause.We've raised money with raffles and parties and dances.We've spoken at playgroups and schools and universities.We even hired a skywriter to write 'Save the Little Earthlings' across the sky. Oh, it's been a whirlwind of activity, hasn't it, Plum?!"

"Absolutely." Keeping one hand on the helicopter controls, Plum turned around. She tapped a round badge on her collar with her fingertip. It said EARTHLINGS rock!

"Umm, thank you," said Nicola, ashamed that all these nice people were working so hard to try to save Earth, while Earth didn't even know Globagaskar existed.

"Well, that's our pleasure, Nicola, but I'm afraid it's quite hard work getting people interested in a cause that doesn't directly affect their day-to-day lives," said Georgio. "However, I'm proud to say that last week we presented a petition to the princess with over three thousand signatures."

"And what did the princess say?"

"She folded the petition into a paper airplane, tossed it out the palace window, and demanded someone bring her a banana milkshake."