War on Whimsy (Space Brigade 3)

Nicola could see the prisoners lining up in rows. Their hair was unwashed, their clothes filthy, and they all looked miserable, tired, and hungry. Nicola searched the faces for Shimlara's family.

"Prisoners!" boomed a fat Volcomanian guard. He was standing in front of the prisoners, with his legs spread and his stomach pushed out. He reminded Nicola of Jeffrey Snog, the bully back at their school on Earth.

Sean was obviously thinking the same thing. "He could be related to Jeffrey Snog," he whispered in Nicola's ear.

"I'm sure you're all anxious to know how you'll be spending your day!" shouted the guard. "Wonderful news! You have an interesting day ahead of you! I know how you enjoyed polishing our boots yesterday. Guess what? Today you will be polishing the barbed wire fence! Of course, you may suffer a few nasty cuts but I'm sure you'll take pride in the appearance of your camp!"

"Excuse me!" said one of the prisoners.

Nicola heard a quick intake of breath from Shimlara.

The prisoner stepped forward and Nicola saw that it was Shimlara's dad, Georgio. He looked thin and exhausted, and his famous bristly mustache was drooping, but he still held his head high.

"What is it this time, Gorgioskio?" sighed the fat guard.

"Good morning! Isn't it a lovely day! And may I say you're looking very well this morning, sir! Have you lost weight?"

The guard frowned and looked at his huge belly with uncertainty.

"Perhaps a little."

"I thought so!" said Georgio. "Now, although I'd love nothing more than to cut my hands to shreds polishing the barbed wire fence today, the thing is, the Interplanetary Guidelines for Prisoners of War expressly forbids it. According to Clause Twenty-five B, prisoners shall not be required to clean their own prison camp. I don't think Mrs. Mania would be happy if she heard you were going against the Interplanetary Convention."

The fat guard looked uncertain. "I don't know about that."

"I suggest you give us all a nice rest day," said Georgio. "Or better still, why not let us all go free? And while you're at it, why not forget this silly war altogether?"

Suddenly the fat guard was furious, as if he'd been tricked.

"Gorgioskio! Solitary confinement for you!"

Georgio groaned.

"The thing is I find solitary confinement so horribly solitary! Do you think you could join me there and we could play a nice game of cards? I'd let you win!"

The guard looked tempted by the offer. Then his face changed. "Stop trying to confuse me! You're going to solitary confinement!"

Suddenly Mully appeared by her husband's side.

"Mom," said Shimlara under her breath.

"Do you think you could send me to solitary confinement in my husband's place?" she asked politely. "I'm afraid he'll lose his mind if you send him there again. He can't stand being alone."

"This is a prison camp, not a day spa!" The guard stamped his foot. "You're not meant to be enjoying yourselves!" He gestured at a group of Volcomanian guards standing to attention next to him. "Take him to solitary confinement! And do not under any circumstances play cards with him!"

As he was from the planet of Globagaskar, Georgio was about double the height of the Volcomanians. It took six burly guards to carry him off and Georgio didn't make it easy for them.

There was a sudden commotion as Shimlara's little brother ran out from the prisoners. "Don't you touch my daddy!" he cried, swatting at the guards with his hands.

Nicola held her breath.

"Oh, Squid, honey, don't," said Shimlara softly. Nicola turned her head and saw that there were tears running down her friend's face.

For the first time Georgio looked frightened. "Go back to your mom, Squid," he said. "Daddy is fine."

Mully ran out and scooped Squid up in her arms.

"I've had it up to here with you lot!" yelled the fat guard. He indicated the middle of his forehead with a chubby hand. "I'm going to have a nap! By the time I wake up I want to see that barbed wire fence gleaming!"