Nine Perfect Strangers

‘I am very disappointed in Yao!’ raged Masha. ‘That was an unacceptable mistake! I shall make sure HR knows! A note will go on his file. He will receive a formal letter of warning.’

Napoleon held up his watch by the strap and showed it to Masha. ‘I’m taking it off.’

Zoe squeezed Heather’s hand convulsively.

‘I’m sorry. It was my fault,’ said Napoleon in the slow careful tone of someone placating a crazed gunman. ‘I’m going to destroy it.’ He dropped the watch to the ground and went to put his foot over it.

Masha switched tone. ‘Oh, stop being so dramatic, Napoleon, you could cut your foot!’ She waved her cigarette about gaily, as if she were in animated conversation at a party, a glass of wine in the other hand.

Heather heard Zoe take a shaky breath and the thought of her daughter’s fear made her want to hurt this madwoman.

‘I am not the sort to become too obsessive about bureaucratic rules. I am flexible! I am big picture!’ Masha took a long drag of her cigarette. ‘On the Myers-Briggs personality test I am the Commander! I think you will not be surprised to hear that.’

‘This is not good.’ Lars peered up at the screen through splayed fingertips.

‘She’s off with the fairies,’ murmured Tony.

‘Nothing is forever,’ said Masha irrelevantly. ‘Remember that. It’s important. Now, who will be presenting first?’ She looked around as if searching for something. ‘Does everyone have coffee? Not yet? Don’t worry. Delilah will have it all under control.’

She smiled and held out her arms

as if she were sitting at the head of a conference table.

Heather shuddered with a sudden sense of overwhelming fear. She’s hallucinating.

At that moment Masha’s attention was caught by the cigarette between her fingers. Minutes passed and she continued to stare at the cigarette.

‘What’s she doing?’ whispered Carmel.

‘It’s the LSD,’ said Lars in a low voice. ‘She can’t believe she’s never noticed the innate beauty of the cigarette.’

Finally, Masha looked up. ‘Who is presenting first?’ she asked calmly. She flicked the ash from her cigarette onto a windowsill.

‘I will,’ said Tony.

‘Tony! Excellent,’ said Masha. ‘Who are you defending?’

‘Carmel,’ said Tony. He gestured at Carmel, who made a strange, awkward movement, as if she couldn’t decide whether to curtsey or hide behind Lars.

‘Go ahead, Tony.’

Tony cleared his throat. He stood with his hands clasped and looked respectfully up at the screen. ‘I’m representing Carmel Schneider today. Carmel is thirty-nine years old, divorced, with four young daughters. She is their primary caregiver. She is also very close to her older sister, Vanessa, and her parents, Mary and Raymond.’

Masha looked bored. She sniffed.

Tony’s voice trembled. ‘Carmel’s mother, Mary, is not in good health and Carmel normally takes her to her doctors’ appointments. Carmel says that she’s just an ordinary person, doing the best she can, but I think anyone bringing up four little girls on her own is pretty special.’ He pulled nervously at the collar of his t-shirt as if he were adjusting a tie. ‘Carmel also volunteers at her local library teaching English to refugees. She does this once a week. She’s been doing this since she was eighteen, which I think is very impressive.’ He clasped his hands in front of him. ‘Thank you.’

Masha yawned theatrically. ‘Is that it?’

Tony lost his temper. ‘For Christ’s sake, she’s a young mother! What else do you want to hear? Obviously she doesn’t deserve to die.’

‘But where is your USP?’ said Masha.

‘USP?’ asked Tony blankly.

‘You’ve forgotten the basics, Tony! What is your unique selling proposition? What makes Carmel unique and special?’

‘Well,’ said Tony desperately, ‘she is very special because . . .’