Antichrist

“Meraki,” Niko says, and his tone is so smooth I can almost taste the soft notes of butter dripping down my throat. “Shut the fuck up.”

I turn to face him, only I find myself way too close. Too close to his chest, and rather aware of how intimate we look, especially with his body turned into mine. He bends his leg up to further close in the gap and my heart flutters viciously in my chest. Shit. I hold my breath a few seconds before slowly allowing it out. What the hell is wrong with me? Niko has always had an effect on me, sure, but this isn’t anything I remember feeling when we were younger. It’s like a flame burning between us, begging me to run and him to chase. Among all of my thinking, I forget that I’ve been staring up at him.

He leans in, his thumb pressing against my bottom lip. “Sorry, baby girl.”

My mind drifts between a dream state and now, lost in his eyes and the way his lips curve around the syllables.

“For not being here.”

My thighs squeeze together when I realize it’s not just my heart that’s acting a fool right now. “You have a girlfriend.”

He leans in closer. “When has that ever stopped me before?”

I keep my eyes locked on his mouth. “That’s gross. You’re too old now.”

He laughs and his lips curl up in a dark grin. “Maybe, but I never lied to anyone.”

“I’m with Luca…”

His hand is behind my neck, his arm around my back when he’s pulling me onto his lap. His dick presses against me, and I have to bite my lip to stop from moaning. “Ever say that shit around me and I’ll fuck you so hard that the next time he touches you, it won’t just be you who knows that ain’t the case.”

The warmth of his hand glides down, reaching for the back of my ass, the swell in his jeans pressing against me. I love Niko. I think I always will. He and I are dangerous because we will always choose each other. No matter what. But I’m not stupid.

“Niko—”

“Fuck, Mer. If you say Lydia’s name one more time, I’m gonna choke you.”

My eyes narrow. “I’m not a home-wrecker, Niko! I’m a ho, not a home-wrecker. I will not fuck you if you are having a baby with someone else.” The words sting more than I thought they would. As if the word baby tore at my throat on its way out.

Climbing off his lap, I shake my head, crossing my arms in front of myself while keeping my eyes locked on the water.

“Nik, it’s always been us. We understood each other, soul mates and all that. How often did we cheat with each other?” I feel him beside me. “We’ve always been that to each other and the dirty part of me loved it. But this can’t be how it is now.” I blink up at him as I push up from the ground. “I’ll never have all of you, Nik, because you’re incapable of giving that to anyone.”

“Wrong,” he says as I’m walking back to his bike.

I clip on the helmet.

“You were the only girl who could have ever had it.” He takes calculated steps toward me. “The only fuckin’ one, Mer. I cheated on all of them with you because I’ve only ever wanted you, don’t you fucking see it?”

“Nik…” I sigh. “We’ve done this too many times.”

“Yeah,” he murmurs. “You’re right, but that doesn’t change one thing.”

“And what’s that?”

“I’ve got shit going on in the club and I can’t have you living out in the open. You need to come into the clubhouse until we figure shit out.”

I stop. My mouth closes and then opens. “No. I’m safe where I am.”

“No the fuck you ain’t. What, with Luca? What’s he gonna do? Pray to fucking Jesus to dip your sinful ass in holy water? Baby, I may be the Antichrist, but you’re definitely my holy grail. If you don’t wanna come to the compound, fine, but I’m talking with Luca to put some boys outside your apartment.”

And just like that, our day has flipped.

I hate him.

The need to feel destruction at my fingertips has intoxicated me since I was a child.

Locked.

Caged.

Unable to move from the confinement and shackles of the demons who put me there.

I like it here, though. Always have. Like a glutton for punishment, I allow pain to penetrate all the loud voices in my head, because pain? Well, pain is the only emotion I know.

“Master, can we have a conversation with you in private? The Anchorites and I?”

I can’t remember if she knocked as she was told to or not, because my eyes can’t move from the monitor in front of me. Cece is sitting on the couch in my living room, taking swigs of a bottle of 42. Where did Meraki go just then? Who called her? I’d figure it out.