Cease Fire (Blackbridge Security 9)

It had been nearly a year since I’d touched a woman before that weekend with Jules, and those moments we shared blew my fucking mind. I knew that she was the only woman for me long ago but spending time with her in that way cemented it.

My phone chimes with a text, and I have to swipe wetness from my eyes in order to read it.

Jules: Sitting in my driveway is creepy AF.

I huff a laugh. If she thinks that’s creepy, then I better never tell her that my first instinct to make the woman see things my way is to tie her up and fuck her until she agrees.

Jules: Either come back inside or leave.

This should be a no-brainer, an easy decision to make. My body aches to be near her, but talking further about what she expects from me, or should I say what she doesn’t expect, makes my skin itch.

I’d never before considered Jules a selfish person. She has always been the first to step up when someone needed help. She’d spend her time, money, and attention to care for those around her.

So maybe this is just her time to take a little something back, her time to be a little selfish.

I climb out of the truck and head back into her house, not bothering to knock since she knows I’m here.

She’s on the couch, as beautiful as she’s always been, even with her hair in a knot on the top of her head and her face puffy from crying so many tears today.

“I need to be involved,” I tell her from just inside her front door.

She shakes her head, immediately rejecting my words.

“You can’t. Everyone would be suspicious. The truth would ruin everything.”

Her thinking that hurts me more than I like to admit.

“What is it about me that makes you so fucking disgusted?”

“Kit! What? No, that’s not it at all. I’m not disgusted by you.” She drops her eyes to her hands, and I’ve had enough of her not looking at me.

I cross the room and sit beside her, tilting her face up until her eyes meet mine. “You’re not going to shrink away from this. You’re not going to look away while telling me I’m not worthy.”

“You’re worthy,” she says, and a couple of the pieces that have broken off my heart stitch themselves back together. “This isn’t about your worth. Beth would never forgive me. Your family would hate me.”

“My family loves you,” I remind her. “They would be ecstatic.”

I know it in my soul. We aren’t hate-filled people.

“The lies will hurt them more when it all comes out.” She shakes her head, my fingers losing their grip on her chin. “It can’t come out. Ever.”

I feel like I’ve been kicked in the gut. These highs and lows are going to be the death of me.

I choose anger even though I know it’s going to be the worst way to respond right now.

I snap up from the couch, glaring down at her. She’s once again looking down at her hands, her fingers twisting together over and over.

“You’re mad,” she says, stating the obvious.

“Of course I’m fucking mad. Do you have any idea how this makes me feel?”

“I’m not responsible for your feelings, Kit.”

I grind my teeth together, my neck twisting until it pops with frustration.

“You’re asking me to take a back seat while my child grows up thinking another man is his or her father. It’s impossible for me. Don’t you see how fucking selfish that is?”

Coming back here was a mistake. I should’ve just gone home. We won’t get anywhere with both of us as upset as we are, but I don’t see myself ever not being upset about this.

When she finally looks up at me, I know that she’s made up her mind. She’s not going to budge on this. I feel absolutely defeated.

I could easily broadcast the truth, tell everyone in my family that she’s pregnant with my child, but she knows I won’t do that. I care for her too much to paint her in a bad light. She’s weaponized my love for her and she’s using it against me.

Tears streak down her face when I lean in, pressing my lips to her forehead.

I know I deserve more. I deserve better from her. I also know I’ll never get it. Jules Warren isn’t capable of love, and the realization hits me like a ton of bricks.

I walk out of her house more broken than when I left the office earlier before finding out the truth.

Despite seeing the true woman that she is, I know I don’t love her any fucking less, and that makes me a fucking chump.

I knew I was a fucking pawn, something to play with, the weekend we spent between the sheets.

I also know that no matter what, if she calls, I’ll be right beside her, giving her everything she needs. I’d no sooner walk away from her than I would the child growing inside of her.