Cease Fire (Blackbridge Security 9)

“Beth told me I have to go to your parents’ house on Sunday.”

“Yeah?” I smile around a bite of pizza. “Maybe we can sneak off. I’d like to have memories of you sucking my cock in my childhood bedroom.”

God would I. I stroked off to so many fantasies of her in there with me, waiting on bated breath for her to push open my door while I was whispering her name as a teen.

“She said she invited Brooks, too.”

I drop my half-eaten slice of pizza back in the box, my appetite suddenly gone, my eyes locked yet unseeing what is now on the television.

I’m not exactly upset that Brooks will be there. The man is my best friend, but it’s the reminder that everyone will be there thinking the child is his. Even if I take out the sexual component, not thinking about people visualizing the two of them together in that way, I’ll still have to watch all the people I love most in the world congratulate the man on becoming a father.

It hits me that despite all the time we’ve spent together in private, and the one trip to the farmers’ market, I’m never going to be the man she smiles at in public.

“Are you going to pretend the two of you are together?”

“No,” she snaps, sounding offended that I’d even ask the question. “Beth knows I only hooked up with him once.”

“Knows?” I ask, venom lacing my tone.

“Thinks, Kit. She thinks I only hooked up with him once.”

Maybe I should feel lucky that I actually get to spend this kind of time with her, and I do. I’m so grateful to be able to stroke her skin and get lost in her body, but I also feel discarded and unworthy.

I know it’s her fear of losing Beth that is making her hold so tightly onto these lies, but I feel dirty. I don’t like being a secret. I want the world to know that she’s mine, that claiming her was more than just words spoken in the throes of passion.

I need it.

I deserve it.

Yet, I may never have it.

Do I give up everything she does allow because there are things she doesn’t?

I honestly don’t know the answer to that, but I can play along for now. She has roughly two-thirds of her pregnancy left, and considering she didn’t balk when I told her that I would be here if I want to be here, she didn’t push back on that. After spending time with me every day for the next six months, there’s no way she’ll head into the delivery room without letting everyone know that I’m the man for her.

I just have to bide my time and bite my tongue, even though watching my best friend get the accolades I deserve will cut deeper than anything else I will have ever experienced.

Chapter 26

Jules

“Quit fidgeting. It’s going to be fine.”

I shake my head. I want to believe Brooks, but I’m terrified about what could happen today. I’ve been to the Riggs’s family home more times than I could ever count. I’ve been welcomed with open arms and smiles each and every time. I hate knowing that if my truth came out that would end. I hate feeling the way I do because I’ve betrayed the trust of every single one of them.

I’m a liar.

I’m a manipulator.

“I’m such an asshole,” I mutter.

Brooks doesn’t say a word, a silent agreement to my declaration. I don’t blame him. The man is in the very same position that I am. He’s part of this family too, only Brooks has others to rely on in his life if the shit hits the fan. I honestly don’t understand why he’s even going along with this.

That’s not true. He’s playing along because that’s what Kit wants him to do. He’s sacrificing his reputation, agreeing to this plan because it’s what his best friend has requested of him.

My best friend requested I don’t mess around with her brothers, and for years I stuck to that commitment. Then I made the conscious choice to get pregnant by one of them.

I know I fucked up, and it’s been eating me alive, but regret?

I press my hands to my stomach, shaking my head as if I’m answering my own question.

I just can’t seem to regret what’s growing inside of me.

I regret the pain my actions will cause everyone.

I regret the way I went about it.

I regret asking two men to lie about an alternate reality.

The baby? I’ll never regret the baby.

I don’t regret Kit being the father because I can’t imagine it being someone else’s.

I don’t regret wanting a deeper connection with the family who took me in as a terrified young adult when my mom died. I wanted a baby, and I wanted that baby to have that bond the Riggs’s family offers, even though they can never know my secret.